Burst of anger at the post office

I m back from holiday and I thought I did a great job .but this morning I had to go to the post office to pay £50 NHS charge(long story).not happy about it but I had to do it.I queued up for long time..to make a postal order...been told to get an envelope.went to get the envelope and queued up again.and they were telling me I had to pay another £5..so I became really irritable.i went outside were my boyfriend was waiting for me and I asked him explanation.and when I thought I had to que up again I just lost it.I chucked all the money,the letters ,the purse,the mobile everything on the floor with huge anger.I kicked and punched the wall of the post office.probably people could see me from inside.Never fell anything like that before in my life..it was like a raptus of anger.it was me but it wasn't t myself doing it.I did actually hurted my elbow..It was like a rush of adrenalin,a monster coming out of my body..I feel ashamed of myself now ,I could have put myself in trouble with the police and i m schocked for such a reaction..I ruined another day to my boyfriend .Now I want just to curl up in my bed.and switch off the world.Xmas has always been wonderful for me but this year I hate it and I m miserable and angry with myself and the world.I m carrying in with life and all my problem but really I wish I wasn't t on this planet.

[Hidden]

Hi. train. You are very angry with the world but mainly with yourself for allowing yourself to get like this. But it is not YOU who is like this but the anxiety and fear that is 'overlaying' your normal feelings and reactions. Let us look at your blog. It all starts with the queue at the Post Office. You queued 'for a long time' This would be frustrating for a non sufferer let alone someone who is already sensitised. You then thought you would have to queue again and 'lost it'. Again, VERY frustrating even for a none anxious person. This is where our anxiety comes in. We RE-ACT abnormally in an exaggerated way. Not your fault train, so do not feel upset or guilty about it. It was a normal reaction IN THE CURCUMSTANCES. In your circumstances of anxiety, fear and frustration. Anger is a powerful emotion. It takes a lot of energy but it can also be a releasing agent to get rid of pent up emotion. 'Like a monster coming out of your body' That's what I mean. You did no harm to anyone (except yourself!) so again I say don't feel guilty. You cant switch off the world train; it will still be there when you wake up. But you can LEARN a lot from your experience about yourself. Sit down when you feel calmer and try and understand why your reaction was so intense.I am sure you will realise it was pent up emotion which had very little to do with the Post Office. That just happened to be the catalyst. But you can wake up and accept that that is the way you are FOR THE MOMENT. Things WILL calm down, they always do, but dont flog yourself withself recrimination. And try not to be afraid. Bless you, train. A good New Year to you. jonathan.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Jonathan

U re words reassured me a lot.I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Love

From train

[hollow]

Good for you train. Feck them, feck them all. We live in a world of emotions so express them and don't feel guilty about it. It's the guilt, the fear, the what will they think attitudes, the not expressing our true emotions that hold us back and keep us in this horror show. I hope you cracked the plaster on their wall and not hurt yourself too much. Viva la emotion revolution! Mark this day in history. People will say I was there when the 'train' left it's rails and sought freedom of expression!

[Hidden]

Hi Hallow

I never reacted this way before in my entire life.but maybe u re right I should let the steam out a bit more often as far as I don t put myself into trouble.My elbow is really bruised..it s my souvenir from an anger moment.Thank you for your words.

Love

Train

[hollow in reply to Hidden]

Oi!! hollow be thy name sorry couldn't resist! If you don't know Our Father then that will mean nothing

[fadedlizard]

Hi Train,

I don't think it's been a good day all round. You've been beating up poor defenceless Post Offices and I've been running out of my house in a panic to stop myself self harming!!!!

All joking aside Train, it is just one of those things, guess our feelings have to come out somewhere. Don't think about it anymore.

Best Wishes,

L.x

[Hidden]

Thank you for your support..this morning I feel good and I m great full for that.Thank you

Love

Train

[ellabella]

Well , well, well....LOL!!! Thank you very much for that good laugh! and here was I feeling bad for smacking the cat! I think we have all just about had enough of this Year! Roll on the next. I missed a treat in your town Train! Not that I would have dared to go into the darn place anyway I only missed half a day on here and look what happened!!!!! LOL! I have EXTRA DUTIES now folks, poorly Muther confined to barracks! Mind you I managed to do the drug run and shopped for 2 households so it was a heavy day all round :0. We all have our moments Train, don't worry....I'm just mad I didn't watch you Loads a Love x Ella x

[ellabella]

PS Congratulations on surviving the Holiday!!! ;0 XXXXXXXXXXX