The first day of one day at a time...

[axegrinder]

Thanks for all your kind words and advice over the last couple of weeks :+)

I thought I would follow up last night's blog. I returned to work today. It was very hard, and nearly didn't make it. I was shaking like a leaf before entering the office building, and it was 50/50 at one point that I would even make it that far. I am glad I held some meds back becaue I do think they were required this morning! To answer a previous question the diazepam was prescribed as 3 per day as required, so I was told not to take if I felt I could do without.

Got in the building, no one said anything to me, was like I had not been off, the computer I went on wasn't working, then the next one the mouse wasn't working! - good start, was still shaking. Advised one of the duty team leaders that I had been off with anxiety and wasn't feeling too clever, but managed to log on to a machine and catch up on 2 weeks of emails.

My own team leader had been off on hols and wasn't aware of my sickness, and proceeded to tell me that I had recently had some calls listened to for quality control purposes and had made some mistakes that would mean I wouldn't be getting a bonus this month! - nice way to start the day, although being off for most of this month meant I wouldn't have got one anyay, but this was hard and nearly didn't make it beyond that point. I have always been good at my job and recently have been making a lot more mistakes. I then explained my condition and that I wasn't really surprised!

anyway got through the day, feeling of stress for the whole day, and my pulse was probably over 100bpm all day! had a couple of abusive customers (I work in a call centre dealing with sensitive matters), a couple of difficult complaints to deal with - the usual really! - I took my time - had more breaks than normal, and did it!

Tomorrow I will have a meeting with my manager about my time off. That will be fun. Then back to the GP I think, because as I have come to realise, my anxiety is deeper rooted than being caused by work stress...

[hollow]

Hats off to you for getting through today, I'm sure you don't need reminding but it does get easier. It's good that you are talking to your management, ask them how they are going to support you rather than asking if you can have support, it puts them on the back foot. Some employers are fantastic some not so, therefore I always ask things in an assertive way that sounds like they owe me and it is my right. I know that prob sounds a bit conceited but it's about what is best for me and if you don't ask you don't get.

[stde]

Hollow is right....look after YOU.............................as stress is a recognised condition they are obliged to help you. hope they are understanding.....best wishes

[ellabella]

Well done lad , I'm so proud of you ! I have been wondering how you are and what you decided to do? and now you did a full shift! Think of me when I do the dreaded supermarket sweep! Lots of Love x Ella x

[moley64]

Well done. What you did was very tough. Good on you. I remember a quotation that goes something like " A bad day doing something that you enjoy is better than a good day doing something that you don't" I would take a hard look at the job that you do and ask yourself whether that type of employment is really for you. If the answer is not a clear Yes then for the sake of your health I would consider seriously a change of occupation. This sounds like a tough call but in the long run could be very beneficial.

I made the mistake of staying in a profession that had a good salary and high social status that I hated. It made me very ill with work related stress and anxiety. Very best wishes M

[henige]

God, good good for you even to go back into the work environment. Each day seems a hurdle, but eventually you'll feel glad that you went back. Talking to your management is good. Don't keep things bottled up. They are there to lead and help. Keep up the good start.