Coming down from such a high

On Monday I got back from Latitude festival- exhausted, dirty, and in need of a good lie down! The overall experience was a really positive one- I surprised myself by having such a wonderful time. The atmosphere there was amazing, so friendly and family-centered, quite small compared to the other bigger festivals, loads of delicious food and so on. The five days we were there were so jam-packed that, apart from about two little blips where I started feeling down for one reason or another, I didn't have time to do anything but enjoy myself! Something that I'm really proud of.

Then... yesterday evening I was on Facebook when I saw something that really angered and annoyed me. This girl that my boyfriend is friends with (and just friends- nothing has ever happened between them) was really blatantly trying to flirt with both him and two of his male housemates (who are also in relationships). My boyfriend didn't reply to the comment, and when I texted him in my anger, he calmly replied saying he'd had a word with her to tell her that it wasn't okay for her to say that (she was at their house with them all yesterday evening). She apparently apologised and took the comment down.

Now I'm not saying I don't trust my boyfriend, or that I'm worried about him being around her. It's just I've never been sure of her- she's the sort of person who is very overly confident, an attention seeker, very attractive and very witty. All of the things that I feel I am not, or I am lacking in. She's always just fed my insecurities, even though I don't often talk to her or even see her, the fact that I know she's friends with my boyfriend and around me makes me so paranoid- like one day he'll see she's infinitely better than me and leave me for her or something... An idea that I KNOW is ridiculous, and if I was to tell him would cause for him to scoff, but it's my new 'big worry' that is just going round and round in my head now.

I'm so annoyed because I had such a lovely few days spent with my boyfriend, I know he had a really great time too (was looking through the hundreds of pics I took throughout the fest and we both look so happy), and now this has just dragged me back to that horrible place of feeling insecure, paranoid, obsessed and generally, pretty shit.


11 Replies

  • Hi

    I am so pleased you enjoyed yourself , sounds like you had a great time

    I think your BF loves you & is not interest in anyone else from what you have said

    You will always find girls & women in life that are like you explained , but he never commented back & he has told her its un acceptable

    Really I would feel sorry for her in a way , she might not be as wonderful as you think she is , or if she was , why are they all not flocking , she may have looks & no personality & whats inside no matter what anyone says , does count

    I no when we suffer from anxiety we doubt ourselves & sometimes feel un worthy of been loved but we are worth been loved & your BF has chosen to be with you

    I no its not easy , but try & not let this get to you , if she feels it is , she may do it more & dont let her ruin what sounds like a good thing you have there

    Keep talking on here & rant if you feel up tight , that will stop you nagging the BF over it

    Take Care




  • Hi whywhy,

    I know he's not interested in anybody else, he's told me enough times that he loves me and thinks that I'm beautiful and so on, but it's still so hard to shift that feeling of unease from the back of my head :( it's constantly following me around. And it makes it harder that he lives an hour or so away from me, so sometimes when all I need is a bit of reassurance and a hug, I can't even get that!

    I'm trying hard not to think about it and busy myself with other things. But when I do think about her I get so angry! Plus the night it happened I woke up the next morning feeling even worse due to having my typical horrid dreams which involved the two of them having a secret affair, great! Just when I think my mind can't get any more mean, I have dreams like that :(


  • Hi alicia

    Sorry its took all this time for me to reply

    I so feel your insecurity & how it plays on our minds

    I use to be just the same

    I can imagine its not easy because of the distance & i no when you need a hug , its nice if they are there

    They also say absence makes the heart grow fonder :-/

    I am sure everything your BF tells you is true & what he feels or he wouldnt be with you

    When I met my hubby , he was good looking (still is ) :-D and 6 years younger than me as well !

    I came as a package as i had 2 daughters , I had been married before

    I couldnt for the life of me think why he would want me

    I had told him all about me & that didnt put him of & i am sure he could have had the pick of a lot better looking women that didnt come with two daughters as well , because I made it quite clear if he took me on they came with me

    The first couple of years , I did nothing but feel like you , as women would come round him & I was just waiting for him to go

    Someone saw this anxiety & asked me what was the matter , I told them my fears

    They said well you can spend all your time worrying about something that may never happen & not enjoy what you have or you can enjoy what you have & if he did run of with someone else then he wouldnt be the person you thought he was , so you wont have lost anything

    Those words rang so true with me & slowly , I started to let go of the fear

    20 years on , he is still here & still thinks I am the best thing in the world

    I have asked many times , why do you want me , his reply has always been the same , because I found the one I wanted & that was you

    Now this might not have helped , but men when they do find the one they want , I have experienced that no one or nothing will take them away from you

    Girls like the one you speak of will always be about , always have been , but they cant take away a man that is already in love

    When these thoughts & dreams come in your head , try & remember its your insecurity , mostly due to your anxiety & its not reality , keep saying this over again , till you start to believe it

    I dont no if any of this will be of any use

    I no I have just nearly wrote a novel lol

    Dont put pressure on your BF , if you feel insecure get it out on here & save all the positives for when you get to spend time with him




  • Thank you whywhy... that was really kind of you to take the time to write all of that, and reading it has helped a lot :) it's reassuring to know that it does get better with time. My sister is always trying to tell me that, over time your trust with a person only increases and it becomes easier.

    Today I found out that the bf went out with some of his housemates last night and she came along too... went on FB this morning and see that she's tagged them all in a picture captioned 'My boys <3'... I know it's me being paranoid and I just need to ignore it but I feel like she knows what she's doing, and how much it's upsetting me. She probably doesn't, but it's so infuriating!! I hate it because it bothers me so much, but I'm not going to turn into the sort of gf who tells their partner who he can and can't meet up with. Yet she's always going to be there now, and it makes me feel sick :(

    I'll try to rant more on here about it haha, thank you whywhy xxx

  • Pleased it didnt send you to sleep :D

    O I understand how you must feel grr

    If it was me ...but this is me & maybe not you , I would tick the pic , saying I liked it & then comment , Looks like you had a good evening , not as good looking as my Boyfriend looks though ;)

    This is just me though , because as I see it , & I could do it , yes she seems to be trying to wind you up , but each time she tried with me , through gritted teeth I would make out she wasnt , then sometimes they tend to give up & move on ;)

    Hope you have had a good day :)


  • Hi Alicia, I agree with whywhy,

    If shes so great why does she feel the need to flrt with someone elses boyfriend, sounds like shes just trying to boost her own ego so maybe shes not as confident as she appears!

    Dont let this spoil the happy time you had :)

    Mimii x

  • HI mimii, yeah to be honest she just made an embarrassment of herself really... just need to learn to laugh at her and the situation. I'll try not to, thanks :) x

  • Hi alicia, so happy to see you had a good time and your aniexty seemed to be on the back burner for a couple of days. You should be very proud that you have handled it so well and manged to allow yourself time to enjoy something. As for the other issue from what you have told me about your boyfriend you do not need to worry he sounds like he understands and is helping you to try and pul, through this. He didnt reply to her and was also going to speak to her which shows he knows he needs to address it and tell her straight. This being said i know and understand completely the paranoid issues as i myself have the same thing even though i know he is with me we are getting married in oct it doesnt stop the thoughts and worry, but generally we see it is as being really and yet we know it is in our head so hard to deal with. Maybe discuss this topic when you do your cbt therapy next, it might help to get some answers for you to help. Hope you are ok lovely speak soon. Lots of love

  • Thank you ForeverandAlways, you make lots of sense haha. Makes me sad that despite him telling me nice things and being generally lovely, my mind still over-worries and over-thinks and creates false, nasty stories in my head. Really gets on my nerves... wish I could just be more relaxed and accept that he loves me and would never cheat on me/become interested in someone else, but the whole low self-esteem thing makes this very hard :(

    I am definitely going to bring this up on Tuesday, can't wait to get a proper start with therapy. Hope you are doing good today :) lots of love xxx

  • Hiya Alicia,

    good for you getting out there and enjoying festival life, i used to love going to festivals.

    As for this girl, The higher the pedestal she has put herself upon, the more it will hurt when she falls off after realising she aint all that, she will be old and alone with no friends.

    Take me, Im beautiful, talented, witty, and charming, yet now im an agoraphobic, phoneaphobic mess LOL, the last bit is true lol xxx

    your boyfriend sounds like a gem, dont let her ruin what you both have.

    xxx love Cookie xxx

  • Hi Cookster99! Thank you very much, I've been meaning to go for years but always found a reason not to. Now I think I'm hooked!

    And I hope so, she's the attention-seeking sort who needs to just get a grip and realise she can't go around acting like that. A bit scared about the next time I go up to see him in case she comes out with us or is hanging around, don't want to act like an immature child but really cant be arsed with her either... hmmm!

    Thank you, he really is. I'll try my best not to! xxx

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