How to let go of the past?

[hairyfairy]

Whenever I`m not occupied with something, I my mind goes over bad things that have happened to me in the past, & I find myself wondering if I`m cursed in some way. It seems to me as if Iv`e had far more than my share of bad luck in most areas of my life, relationships, work, family etc, & constantly wonder if I`m being punished for something. I can`t remember doing anything really bad in my life. I know that I can`t change the past, so how do I go about putting it to rest for good?

[Hidden]

Hi Hairyfairy x Im exactly like this x every day I have a bad day its my pasts fault or so I thought. Ive had a bad past myself i often joke I could write a best seller based on my downfalls. Ive often thought I was cursed and this was punishment for something I did x Then I was told by a old therapist that it was not punishment or bad luck it was down to making the wrong choices in life and regretting them. This was basically because everything I had learnt growing up I learnt myself as no one bothered to tell me if it was right or wrong. And I watched my role models and assumed that there choices where the right ones. Combine this and my past was bad because I ended up making all these bad mistakes based on what I felt was right. Then I realised that I controlled my future only me, and that if I keep on letting the past define it, it was bound to be bad. So now when these thoughts pop up I tell them in my head thats its me calling the shots x it didnt work everytime and sometimes I can worry but the pas is now bothering me less xx

[Hidden]

Hi

I think a lot will relate to how you feel , i have often wondered the same , more than once & when even now when things go wrong I can ask myself what have I done to deserve it

I think for me part of letting go of the past is to accept what happened & forgive

I no its not easy , as some things can feel beyond forgiving , but then I have asked myself , while I am hurting , say if this is because of a person that caused the hurt , are they hurting , answer is no , so I am then still allowing them to hurt me & I refuse to let them any more , as they are the past

Most of the time I can see that it actually wasnt me , they had their own problems & I even feel sorry for some in my past & grateful that at least I no whats wrong with me & can work on it & become a better person , where they cant

I do think it helps if you can maybe through CBT talk about it

Maybe you could write down all the things & people that have caused you pain in your life , it could be painful , but you would get it all out & then one evening go outside & burn it & watch it go up in flames , it could help you to let go . I no people that have done this & it has worked

Hope you will find a way of letting go

Love

whywhy

xxx

[thomson1898]

Oh I wish I had the answer to that one.

As Donver has mentioned, I have (recently) come to the conclusion that I make bad decisions. Unfortunately all that means is I now don't trust myself at all & doubt everything I do.

Having said that, the worst thing that happened to me & started me off with anxiety etc really wasn't my fault, it happened while doing my job.

I saw my doc this week, she told me she wonders what I did in a previous life to deserve all the c*** I have had in this one.

Some of us just have a harder time than others, but there is something about the human spirit that makes us keep going. I can be having the roughest time but one morning I will wake feeling optimistic, I have no reason for it but it's there, always that hope that things will get better.

If you find an answer please let me know, I've had something on my mind for 18 months now & it still riles me lol

Sorry I'm not much help but at least know you're not alone.

Good luck

x

[Hidden in reply to thomson1898]

Oh Thomson thats awful your doctor telling you that x I knw it may of been meant as a bit of humour but an anxiety sufferer takes it all the wrong way x

We learn from past mistakes and this makes us better people so I think you should trust yourself, after all your doing something right as your fighting on x This alone proves we are stronger than we think xx

[thomson1898]

Thanks Donver

Was actually coming back to delete this, not a very helpful post lol

My doc is ok, she's been with me through a lot of stuff, it's just tiring.

Sorry, I'm tired & full of cold, not the best time to be here.

But thanks again for your concern, it helps

x

[Hidden in reply to thomson1898]

Aww your welcome x you didn't have to delete its your opinion x Trust it was the right one at the time Sorry to hear your unwell, hope you pick up soon x Im always ready to help if I can, as i get so much help myself here x

[thomson1898 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks

x

[Hidden]

Hi people,

None of us make wrong decisions. We all view the situation at the time and make a choice.

Those who don't, just muddle through, or accept the 20-60-20 rule.

We who have this problem THINK.

The thought then becomes, ANXIETY

Then:

A) We, who have the problem either want to win, but can't accept defeat.

B) View defeat as the only alternative and therefore do not try to win.

C) Never had support in the past from the right people, and can't be gracious either way.

Then becomes frustration/anger.

Modern life takes so many things away from us. We are hunter/gatherer's!

Now we are forced to hunt or gather a job! Mediocrity or politicians take over.Those who think they are clever try to control us.

Either way this then becomes frustration/anger.

Good post or bad? Crap day.

Shalom

1b4bed

[Maya_dawn]

Hi hairyfairy,

I have the same problem too - the constant replaying of bad memories and experiences in my head. In my case, its also accompanied by alot of mental self-kicking. Sometimes, I find myself getting kind of "lost" in the bad memories, and I kind of have to snap myself out of it and make myself realise I'm no longer in that place again. But the inner feeling of cringing or hurt which comes with the recollection still stays there.

And just like you, I've often wondered, what the heck did I do in my past life to get such shit loads of bad stuff happen to me. I've wondered am I getting a bigger dose of bad stuff happen to me than any other person, or do others also experience it, just they have better coping mechanisms or get over it faster. When I see people with their seemingly happy lives and happy families, I've even wished I wasn't born in this world.

Unfortunately, I don't have the one solution for putting all these thoughts to rest for good. But I have realised that others may go through what we're going through also - just in a different form, and perhaps they bounce back faster from it. I know of a colleague who had his house burgled, and he could still arrive at work the next day and laugh at jokes instead of brooding about what happened. So maybe, just maybe, its not us, but just life, which happens to everyone. My own personal theory is also that somehow everything all "evens out", so no one really has the upper hand. For example, if you are really talented in one area, you may be lacking in another. If you're really happy today, tomorrow you might get bad news (or vice versa), so any gain or loss in one day will be set off by losses or gains on the next day, and everything will even out.

So my point is yea, we may have bad stuff happen, but maybe cos we had so much bad stuff happen to us, maybe the rest of our life will be better (since we've used up all our bad luck cards). In the end, it all kinda evens out.

[hairyfairy]

If only it was possible to use up bad luck cards. I honestly think that some people just get stuck with a bad hand, & will have bad luck all their lives. Iv`e heard over & over again that bad people seem to have better luck, & live longer healthier lives than good people, so if I`d been mean & nasty I might have had a great life. As far as I can see, no-one seems to get what they really deserve in this world.

[Maya_dawn]

Yea, I know when you had a dumpster truck load of bad luck happen to you, it seems like everyone else has such a blessed life. And for some reason or another the universe decided you gonna be stuck with the short straw. And yep, mean people never seem to get what's due to them. I once mentioned this to another person, and they said maybe its cos life isn't easy, and so bad people gotta stick around longer so they can suffer more. I once read that Buddhists believe that life is about suffering, so if you do good, ultimately, you won't get reborn into this world and suffer anymore. So maybe that's why bad people live longer - so they can experience more of life's suffering. (apologies to any practising Buddhists here if I misunderstood the teachings.)