Morning

Morning all, this is the time of day I dread the most, mornings are never good for me and to top it off after everything that happened yesterday my husband came in and said he might go out after all tomorrow, but he wasn't sure yet. I told him he was being selfish and that he shouldn't keep chopping and changing his mind and just land it on me! Maybe it's me being selfish, I don't know. I only had two hours sleep again and being tired is doing me no good, plus i'm still full of the bug/cold, sorry for me going on, just needed to have a winge as I have no-one else to talk to this early, I always feel the need to talk when no-one else is awake. On a more positive note I have made a doc's appointment for today at 9;50, so we will have to see what she says. Thank-you for all your help and advice.

14 Replies

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  • Hi Littler! Be careful this morning outside it's very slippery! Mornings are my worst time too hun, takes me forever to come round to anything that wants to move!! This time of year is a pain in the butt!! especially for us anxiety sufferers. Silly bloody party's that just cause angst for so many !! I hope to see you when you have visited GP, and take care x Ella x

  • Morning Littler and Ellabella, i used to hate the mornings too before i went on prozac, the anxiety was terrible of a morning, and really bad the week before im due on my monthly curse, but it has subsided now thank god.

    I wish my fella would go out with friends a bit more often. The way i see it, if he doesnt want to be with you, he wouldnt be there with you, and if he does wander off, well he's not worth being with and breaking your heart worrying over, it would be his loss wouldnt it. As for thinking he might meet someone 'normal', what is normal these days? People with anxiety think the worse of situations, i know its hard but just try and think like what ive said and train your brain. It sounds like you have separation anxiety. Im not being horrible, but my poor old dog has it with me, i cant go anywhere without her being anxious and shaking if i have to go out. When he goes out, come on here and have a rant, it does help, and try not to think the worst, i know it will be hard, but you have to let him have his nights out with his friends and i know this sounds harsh, but if you persist in locking him away, he will escape. I hope ive not added to your anxiety by talking straight. You will be fine.

  • I agree with linny13, the more you try to change someone, or control them the more you push them away......Always better to wait till a nice relaxed evening and have a heart to heart and explain calmly how anxiety affects you and ask if he can help for a time by trying to understand and give you some slack.....(as you will need to give him).....all the very best....xxxx

  • Maybe what's happened is that after the talk you'd had and that things seemed more settled your husband thought it might be ok for him to go our for a couple of hours. As you said it's a very long time since he has been out and he is probably just really wanting a little time to chill out.

    I think that the problem is that you are finding it hard to control your anxiety right now so what happens is that we get very afraid and panic and try to control everything and everyone else. It's what happens with anxiety but really it's not so good for either of you and it's good that you are going to the doctors today.

    You are not sleeping well either as the anxious thoughts are probably whizzing round all night and completely wearing you out.

    You need to break the vicious circle and certainly to impress on the doctor that you are really struggling right now.

    Best Wishes PL

  • Thanks once again for all your help, I feel I have finally found somewhere that I can say what's really on my mind instead of the watered down version I usually give people and although I wouldn't wish how I feel on anyone I am glad to know it's not just me who feels this way.

    Linny13- i'm glad you've been honest with me. I know deep down that he would never cheat on me, he has had two long term relationships before he met me, one lasting 7yrs and the second lasting 6yrs, both ex's cheated on him and left him for someone else. It broke his heart especially as with his second ex they had a son together. Anyway enough of the dooom and gloom, I went to the doctors and she was lovely, I explained exactly how I felt and how hard I was finding things, she wasn't happy that I stopped taking my med's suddenly and told me that's what was making my anxiety worse, I did say that although I did feel a slight difference it wasn't as much as i'd hoped, so she has put me back on my old tablets at the same dosage, but with plans to increase it, I have to back and see her in two weeks after xmas and have another chat.

    Thanks for all your help and advice,

    Dawn.

  • Oooh Dawn, not good just coming off the meds, when i took them for over 10 years, i had to be weaned off them for a year, slowly lowering the dose over the months and weeks. Had to go back on meds in October for anxiety/panic attacks, which is long term again now because i could not cope without the meds again, i was off them for 4 years and struggling to cope. Anyway, stick with them, they will make your anxiety a little worse at first until they get into your system, im only speaking from my experience on being on them now for 10 weeks, but the anxiety will subside and eventually go away. This forum is a godsend for good advice and for just having a rant, without people judging you and for just being there for a shoulder to cry on. We all understand your fears and phobias and try to give good, sound advice when needed.

    Hope you feel a lot better

    Lin x

  • Littler you are not being selfish, but neither is he!!

    Speaking as someone on the other side of the fence, i never thought i would like a night out. Like i said before it helps us. Those couple of hours away gives time to blow the cobwebs away, and ready to start another day with a partner with anxiety. Seriously the last thing you are wanting is to "meet anyone else". It does bog you down where you can lose yourself as you concentrate on the other partner suffering like yourself.

    You are not being selfish either. You cant help feeling how you do. I am sure the more you try not to get worked up about it, the more you do, but not intentionally. The best thing you can do is say how you feel. This makes it that little bit easier for us to understand your side. Anxiety is a real brain number at times.

    Whatever you do though keep talking to your partner.

    Love Lou.

    xx

  • Hi Lou, thanks for the advice, we had a good chat to-day and I know he'd never cheat really. I had a bad experience in my last relationship and I think part of me expects him to turn out the same. Although I shouldn't compare my ex and my husband it's hard not to sometimes. I don't want to turn into a mega controlling person, i'm not like that in nature when i'm " feeling more me" which is how I know i'm not me at the moment, the anxiety is playing it's part.

    Since I found this site I feel like I have found a whole new group of friends who understand exactly how i'm feeling and still never judge me. Which is great.

    Dawn xx

  • Its crap both sides of the anxiety. It can make the non anxiety person feel cut off, and there is nothing worse than feeling helpless when all you want to do is help someone, and you know you cant.

    This site is great. It gives me a understanding of how you all feel. I have been so frustrated at times, come on here and all you lovely lot are there. My friends dont understand. I dont discuss it with them. All they know is he isnt well, i dont see him at the mo, and they think i should move on. Not so simple. You dont leave someone just because there is a blip.

    Just like me keep blogging. If your husband goes out tomorrow, come on here and blog. I pop on through the evening,

    Keep going,

    Love Lou. xx

  • Hiya Littler,

    Did you get through the night ok?

    Sending positive thoughts your way.

  • Yes I am wondering too? Hope you are ok xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Morning, sorry all, it wasn't last night he went out, it's tonight.I'm feeling okay at the moment, still dreading tonight though, will deffo come and chat to you all on here. How is everybody today? Hope your all well.

    Dawn xxxx

  • Morning Littler.

    This time tomorrow the night out will be finished with. Sorry sound like a stuck a record, but just that little time out for him will do him good. Who knows, he may have a rubbish night out.

    That sounds selfish that he needs time out. Bet you could all do with some time out away from all the anxiety.

    Good luck with tonight and hopefully hear from you tonight on here. Sure i will be on as my partner is at his mums today. Always knocks him,

    Lou xxx

  • Morning Lou,

    How are you?

    My partner didn't go out in the end as he suffers from cluster headaches, he said they get so bad he sometimes vomits because it hurts so much, he had one that lasted all day yesterday and still ached this morning, he was gutted that he couldn't go out but is going into work later and re-arranging another night asap. I feel bad as though it's partly my fault but I know it isn't. As it was my son had me up alot last night as he's teething so I was kept busy and wouldn't have had much time to worry. But again I know i'll still get myself as worked up next time, which is why I am so glad I have come across this site.

    Thanks for your help and kind words,

    Dawn xx

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