Having a really rubbish day

I'm feeling pretty low today. I can't seem to push myself out of my negative frame of mind. I went to the doctors this morning as I had an attack last week and decided I'd had enough. I'd been trying to face it on my own but realise I need a bit of guidance. The doctor was the most rude person I've ever spoken to. He talked over me, didn't listen. It was like he was quizzing me against my last visit notes. I wanted to talk about feeling depressed but he wouldn't let me get my words out. He's assigning me to a cardiologist for a 24 hour heart monitor to rule everything else out and when I mentioned I thought it was anxiety he said 'It sounds like it, if we get this done and nothings there you'll be fine because it's reassurance'. I do know this will help but I just want to feel better in my head.

I've come to work today which is the main cause of my anxiety at the moment because I'm finding I'm overworked, not listened to and going through redundancy consultations, to have more heaped on to me. I'm travelling to London tomorrow to 'bond with the team' because everybody is low because of the redundacies, but I don't drink at the minute and I don't enjoy staying out after work, so I'm bitter about this which isn't helping. I'm probably being dramatic but it's really grating on me. I want to go home and be with my family where I can relax, but instead I'm going out bowling (Which I hate) with the person that could make me redundant. Really not the top of my life of 'things to do'.

I then called my partner to moan about my day and he said I have to stop as it's a bad habit and doesn't help me or him and he is stressed too. And I understand. It's almost like I will find something to moan about to him. And when he is so stressed at the minute it's so selfish of me but I feel like I'm trapped and just have to stay in this ball of torment at the minute. He is very understanding and is trying to help me so much.

I can see the problems around me aren't life threatening horrific things, and if I felt better I could get over them, but at the minute I'm just really struggling. I don't want to take time off work because it might damage my position in redundancy, I want a good clean name but I've been off quite a bit with the attacks.

Sorry this is a big long moan. I just needed to get it out of my system.



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10 Replies

  • Hi you have a good moan love get it all out x sorry the doctor was not very good.I make pyre i see when same doctor each time i go so they know you and your not having to go over the same things again and again x stay strong x

  • Hi Sharon. Hope you're well?

    Thank you. Just feeling a bit battered at the moment but trying to push on with every day things. I just have no control over anything at the moment so it's really frustrating. I'd be happy if I could just curl up into a ball for a few days but I know that doesn't help. I always feel bad because I know there are people who are going through things 10 times worse than I am so I try to kick myself into touch. x

  • Hi love we all have days like this so dont beat yourself up about it Im still struggling on but that's what anxiety does to you x

  • Sorry to hear you're having a rough time Mandy :( hope you start to feel better soon!! x

  • Hi hope your alright :) your doctor doesnt sound very good is there other ones you can see? im a bit like you at the moment i know the things i am worrying about arent life threatening but seem to be struggling to at the moment. Had to cancel the hairdressers today which i know is really silly as nothing bad would happen to me.its good that your partner is understanding and trying to help you. I dont think people who havent had anxiety totally understand how it feels to have it, my parents never really understand. was crying my eyes out before work the other morning and my mum popped around and told me im just being silly. which i know i am but i just cant stop feeling it. i think my work started it off with stress and then hours keep reducing and reducing. now i seem to have anxiety about anything.

    Hope your feeling better now and you have a good day tomorrow :)

  • Hi Mandy,

    You worry about you and demand to see another Dr if need be. Have you had any triggers that may not be helping you when feel anxious? I spent years doing nothing about it and feel sad that i went so long without doing anything about it. So glad you went to the GP but not for the way that they were with you, make sure you get to see and do WHAT YOU WANT not them. My GP was great and recognized straight away when he found out what was wrong, I was put on medication, which I know may be good for me or may not, have to give it time i am afraid to see if it kicks in. When the Dr was off sick I had to see someone else, she was the bitch from hell and siad i could do 3 things, 1- Do nothing 2- See a counsellor 3- Go on Medication, different GP's say different things and you keep going until you are happy. I had al that heart monitoring stuff and they put it down to stress, so i thought it was, my blood pressure was ll over the shop, but now i have seen my current GP he said exactly what it was and did not beat about the bush. I know that I have to also makes changes to move forwards and cope with things better, adjustments like , going out for a walk somewhere nice, somewhere that makes you feel good and not to be stuck in a bad environment or situation.

    Wishing you better ;-)

  • i know the feeling mandy ive been in bed everyday this week im feeling so low and feel like i dont wanna do anythink just dont wanna get in this route agen i have too kids too think about i need too be strong x

  • lindenlea I really understand you wanting to stay in bed as I do the same some times, every morning I see the daylight come through the curtains, and that knot olf fear comes into my stomach, and the tears start.I have agoraphobia, ans panics, also not able to stay alone at anytime. This anxiety I have had many years, and there have been times when its eased, like when I had my son, but as he has grown it has come back, I lost my dear parents and feel so alone now, and to top it all, my husband has altizheimers, so am not able to confide in him, so feel that bed is my safe place at times. I know its wrong thing to do, but when one is so low, it is all one wants to do.

    Bless allwho syffer with this horrid anxiety. Been on Diazepam many years, and different meds, it take about two weeks to get used to them,and feel awful, but at present \i am taking Cipralex one of the SSRI drugs.7 years been on them

  • Hi Everyone, thank you for the kind words :) It really helps when you're feeling so down to have people be so understanding. Really perked me up to read the replies. I am feeling better today.

    I pushed myself and went to London and actually felt fine. It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had but it made me realise that I make such a big deal of things when really, there is nothing to worry or stress about in the first place.

    Thank you :) and hope you are all well.


  • I mentioned in the above message that I am on SSRI Cipralex, gthey are supposed to be a relical of citolopram but I have put on weight with them, has anybody else put on weight with the SSRI tablets. please answer, I hardly eat, from Lindenlea

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