Flipping heck!!!

How can you feel positive when the OH's mum is telling you to move on, from the relationship.

Been quite positive about things today. Did my phone call to check all ok with my partners mum. She still isnt getting it. Told her she needs him to let him spend some time on his own for him to start moving on.

Then i got, you need to move on. You have done so much for him, but he will drag you down. If he is going to keep being like this its not gona do you any good". Its so frustrating.

I even used on here telling her how he is similar to everyone on here. Did she listen.............i dont think so. She kept telling me how he doesnt speak. He does with me, but even so it doesnt help the situation. My partner even mentioned about coming over on Saturday. His Mum is putting pressure on him to go see her. I even turned round and said if he would rather be on his own not to bother. I know he will be on a downer after he leaves his mums cos she will be nagging at him. I know he would rather go hide away.

Sorry for the rant. Drives me mad. Feel quite good about things. then a phone call can just shatter that. How the heck does he feel once he has spoken to her and he has anxiety:-(

Lou x

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6 Replies

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  • I could not speak to my mum--as OLD school she swiched off not wanting to believe that any of her family could ever suffer a form of mental illness..... his mum is probably in denial like my mum was (pride). So until he opens up and makes her sit down and listen, you are onto a hiding. He may not even feel comfortable speaking to his mum if she wants to believe what she wants to believe then you will struggle.....Some people don,t want to know (stigma) until the final straw, when the person they love enters breakdown....its sad it sometimes has to come to this as it is not necessary. The other thing to consider that some mothers act like this when they fear losing there son to a relationship, she may see you as a threat? sometimes they can be the ones who are insecure...I wish you well x

  • Thanks for that. She has alzheimers ( early stages ). Doesnt really get it. Everything is about how she feels. I get on with her great. Just at the moment she is one of the reasons my partner is like he is. She puts on him all the time. If she is saying all that to me, she will be saying it to him. Know its not gona help the situation.

    She says she was trying to get him to open up. He cant with her. She only listens and then basically will get fed up and then have a go. No win situation. He is waiting for counselling. I have told him he needs to find a way to let the things and says and do go over his head. Hope the counselling will help him.

    Love Lou

    xx

  • I sincerely hope it does help him Lou, how long is he expecting to wait?. I have gone through this counselling with my own Mother. She does in fact sound like my mother. Boy does she carry some power...........I could go on forever about this. Been brought to my knees at times with guilt over her. I am improving though or maybe she is getting too old to care as much about where I go and who I see??? Lou I wasn't even allowed to go shopping without her lol grocery shopping even!!. I've had to turn into tough old bird this year....wish I had done it sooner. I hope his Epiphany comes sooner than mine!!!!! the sooner the better my sweet :) I think I understand where he is coming from now.....She has him wrapped around her little finger. Yes love , it's a fine line to walk and care must be taken. Always here for you Lou ,

    Much Love x Ella x

  • Aw thankyou Ella. You really are one of the loveliest people on here. Even he knows his mother has control over him. I keep telling him he has to find a way to deal with her, as she will get worse and he cant let it carry on getting to him. He is getting fed up and now and i do get the feeling he will snap with her. Not the best thing but if it needs to be done, so be it.

    Hope you are well.

    Big hugs and massive amounts of love

    Lou. xxxx

  • Heya Lou,

    Sorry to hear about your OH's mum.

    Do you think she's afraid of him leaving her? I would've thought any mom would be glad to have someone like you in their child's life, especially if that person, like you, stuck with their child who is suffering from anxiety. So its quite surprising to hear she'd want you to move on and away from him.

    I understand how frustrated and mad you must feel, as it sounds like after your OH spends a session with her, he withdraws into his shell. And you have to spend ages dealing with the aftermath of that.

    I hope the counselling session helps him out.

    Hugs.

  • Hello Maya. Hope you are well.

    He says his mum is been like this since his dad died. They retired up to Scotland where he died of cancer not long after. Dealing with the grief, his mum then had cancer behind one of her eyes. When they removed that they hit a nerve that brought on alzheimers. Since then she has leant on my other half, as the man of the family.

    I had a really good chat with my other half last night about going over today. I told him he has to lay his cards on the table. He had to do it to help himself move forward. He doesnt tell her things as her fuse is short....................believe me i know.

    She wont change as her condition will get worse. Its now how my partner will deal with it all. She doesnt understand how he feels. He does have a lot going on and but his Mum gets half of the story.

    Counselling should be around the corner. Has had his initial session, now waiting for them to start.

    Thanks for replying.

    Lou xxxx

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