Struggling with my break up now......Help

Well its been a couple of weeks.... As some of you know I had to make the difficult decison to end my relationship, he is a lovely guy and treats me well, but lives 100 miles away and Ive been going up ther on a weekend.

Last year I moved but then he went away to work mon to fri leaving me on my own, but that wasnt really the problem, the problem was his interfering mother...... contstantly over stepping the mark, saying and doing inappropriate things but not in front of my partner.....basically has made my life a misery and I tried to tell him and he wouldnt listen....

So after 7 months of turmoil i ended it.... and I got the most horrendous text message off his mum and sister.... All because I said I cant move, I asked him to move here but he says he cant..

BUT last night I went out with the girls and missed him terrribly....... Had to come home early in tears......Please tell me Ive just hit the town too early and not ready to go out drinkiing yet...........Before I ended the relationship I had got very down and was suffering with a lot of anxiety, due to his mother and the changes I think.

I know when I think of how she is that I cant live my life like that, but its so hard at the minute........I have to get another job, was offered a job but had to turn it down cos I dont feel like I can cope with it at the minute......But I dont feel like I have a life here now after nearly 2 years of going up there every weekend........

Help........xx

26 Replies

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  • Hi Anne

    This is a natural stage you go through when a relationship ends

    You do get to a stage where you miss them & you are going to after been with someone , you also just start to remember everything that was good & the mind can sugar coat it & forget the real reasons & how bad you felt while in the relationship

    Write a list of all the reasons you split up & keep looking at it when you feel sad , just so you can remember (well thats what I have done in the past ) otherwise I can forget just how it made me feel

    No I dont think you went out to early , I say good on you giving it a go , nxt time it wont be as bad

    The holidays can also make us reflect as well , maybe once this has passed you will feel better

    Keep talking , you will get through this patch , may not feel like it I no , but you will , no this is normal how you feel as well

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi Anne,

    Time is a great healer and time is what you need to give yourself. When we are emotional and we add drink to the mix, nothing good comes from it. Take me, I cut all my long hair off. Negative Emotion+drink= a right mess (to be polite lol ).

    Try not to think about the M.I.L too much. She is baggage. She wound me up and I was only reading about her lol.

    Try and stay positive Anne, take one day at a time, no rush.

    I wish you all the best xxx

  • Hi.you know you have done the right thing,you cant have three people in a relationship.Breaking up is hard, but for you,so was living with his mums jibes all the time.Of course you miss him but those feelings don't last forever and once you settle back home then things will seem better,you have friends to support you and being single is not that bad,i have been single for 9 years and quite content thank you very much,sometimes miss the old "hows your father" but other than that,no problems!You should work on your problems,find a group to go to,it is working for me.I wish you well,take care.

  • How's your father? What's that then, it sounds familiar but I can't remember lol xxx

  • Same here , its a distance memory , yet im married lol ...do suffer with alot of headaches though ;-)

  • Statins are very good for that lol :-)

  • HAHA , well its not hubbys Birthday yet , dont want headaches to go & give him to many Birthdays all at once, now do we :-)

    xxx

  • Thank you girlies........ Its easy as you say to get wrapped up in the good times and forget the bad............. Just hearing someone else say they couldnt cope with the mother in law helps........... Apparently she's done it before to split his relationship up...... And I wondered why at 48 he was still single and never had a long term relationship........xx

    Thanks for reminding me ............... it really helps...........xx

  • Married to his mum he is,seen it before,it would never have worked unless you shoot the bitch!!!

  • Yup youre 100% right............ Pathetic really........I'm sure in a month or two I will be glad I had the courage to end it..... and regarding hows your father, there were problems in that dept, so not really anything to miss there....xx

  • Lol mum didn't let them cut the umbilical cord when her baby boy was born xxx funny species them men xxx I've got a lovely mother in law. I guess I'm lucky xxx keep your chin up Anne.

    Love Cookie xxx

  • thank you xx

  • My Oh's mum can try to rule the roost at times. She hasnt been too bad lately. I have been kicked out of the house when she lived in Scotland. Had to drive round for 3 hours til it calmed down. She did have a go at my Oh the other week but he gave her as good back. First time in a long time. She does have alzheimers which doesnt help. She can cause a fair bit of his anxiety. No-one should take any of that though. Its a shame he hasnt fought back and stood up to her. I have had that frustration before. My OH is the same age as your ex. You would think at that age they have grown a pair and stand up to them. I hope it does get easier for you. I am sure it will. Like WhyWhy has said when you feel negative bring up the reasons you left. You will eventually realise it was the right reasons. xx

  • thanks Lou..... I know already its the right thing.... and do i really want to be with someone who wants to have his mum with us all the time, and wont stand up to her... no I dont..... It just hurts at the minute that he could put an evil old witch before someone who he claims to love..... Even his mates say he wil never have a woman while his mum is around.... I hope for the sake of his next girlfriend he listens to what other people are saying..... xx

  • Yeh i know what you mean. I have been made out to be the big bad bitch, when all i have done is stood by him through all this. Luckily its been when she has had a bad day. Alzheimers is a horrible thing aswell. They just turn. fine one mo and the next possessed by the devil. It sounds like the woman you are on about is just a interfering so and so. Does she not have a hubby?? When they are on their own they depend on the son to be the male of the houselhold. even if they dont live there. Shame cos its gona be a long haul for your ex. But you my dear have to think about you and yourself. You know you have done nothing wrong and can hold your head high, and not let this woman break you. xx

  • No they divorced 6 years ago..... she has all the traits of being a narcissist.... even when you look at the family dynamics..... He has two sisters and basically they dont bother with her... the eldest sister doesnt get on at all, and its an ongoing battle, shes always slagging her off,(funny though how she turned on me when said what his mother had said to me).... but stephen is the 'golden child'....

    I found it when I was googling 'how to deal with interfering mother in laws'.... It was like I had written it.... and a lot of advice was... Run like hell!!

    thanks Lou.... xx

  • Dear Anne64,

    I am sorry to read that you are struggling with the breakup. I am also sorry to read had such a difficult or tough time during the relationship.

    I hope that you get over everything quickly and enjoy yourself again.

    lots of love,

    Marcus xxx

  • Thanks Marcus.... I hop so too!! xx

  • Yesterday was my sixth wedding anniversary. I left my wife just fifteen days before our third.

    I didn't get married 'til I was fifty- my wife professed to understand my anxiety and manic-depression and promised to help me deal with the bad times. We had two good years, during which I really tried hard to stay "up", then I was made redundant and she threw me out a few months later, after making my life a misery. I tell myself I'm over her then last night I dreamt that we got back together again. I've had similar dreams before, and in them I know that I'm acting against my better judgement.

    Sorry, I seem to be going slightly off-subject, but just felt that I had to get it off of my chest.

  • Sorry to hear that...... Its hard isnt it!!

    Hope you feel better soon!!

    :-))

  • Thanks, hope that it didn't depress you and also wish you happiness.

  • Nope.... Im pretty resiliant......

    HOpe you find some happiness too soon

  • I think it the space now you have in your life , and this will get filled up in time.

    It normal to miss a person , its loss , and it only time that helps this.

    You would never have a relationship while his Mum was about, I had the same situation so I do know it was a control thing, (in my case) some Mum get so on the case bully you about and put you down, they seem to want to take charge.

    Its may feel hard now , but you will recover in time , then you can find a man who is on your side , and listens to you .(and not his Mum)

    Some men are just Mummies boys) and this wont change.

    So best of luck to you , looking at your photo you wont be on your own long, and lots of very nice men out there.

    Get out and about with your friends. and keep busy then you wont think too much about this man , he as gone , keep him in the past ,, this is your future without him or his Mummy .

    B x

  • thanks so much for your reply..... Ive lost all my confidence at the minute but hopefully I'll pick myself up soon.....

    I totally know Ive done the right thing......He totally is a mummys boy and wont listen to anything I say..... and his mother is a manipulating witch who has him wrapped round her finger....sad very sad...

    Thank you anyway ... Ker x

  • Take Care Anne,

    Yes you believe in yourself,, the reason you feel how you do , the Mummy as got to you and worn you down,, we have our own emotional fuel tank and when we get under stress it goes down and as this happens we get tired worn out , and low in spirit.. and self esteem get low.

    But now you have seen what is happening ,, its clear you know it isnt for you , now its time to recover and move on with a new you ,, full of life ,, energy , and hope of new man ,, (who will be out there) So best of good wishes to you Anne ,,, B x

  • :-) xx

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