Do something nice and you feel worse for it:-(

Took my other half's presents and shopping up to his today. Love it up there in the Dales.

Came away upset today. Blubbed like a baby on the way home. I used to never cry.

Maybe i have hoped for too much. He rang me while i was there. He is going over to see his Mum tomorrow and she is staying with him over New Year for a few days................................Hello do i exist. Where am i in all of all this?

Feeling like a spare part. Cant win he comes and sees me last week, felt on top of the world. Today feel totally the opposite. I sent him a text saying i need a few days to seriously think about things, and i will get in touch with him. He can take time out to see his Mum and i am kept in the background again.

The few xmas cards he had were just his name on them. Its like the relationship doesnt or hasnt even existed. His friend from Scotland did the same. Think they resent me cos he moved back down here.

Sorry for the rant, but so brassed off with it. Sounds like its all about me:-(

Love Lou. xxx

10 Replies

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  • lou. You know, you have had a rotten year, haven't you? It never seems to end does it? Did you get him to look at this site or are we asking too much? It really does sound as if he does not want to face up to his responsibilities or is he too ill (nervously) to do that.? In the meantime you are left in limbo and it is not doing you a lot of good. He certainly seems very attached to his mum. You know, lou, boys do tend to hang on to mum well past the weaning stage (metaphorically speaking) and often do not find a substitute, i.e, you, sufficient to satisfy their desire for comfort and reassurance. Children need a lot of reassurance as sometimes do grown men. What a pity. I do hope all this does not make you too unhappy over the holiday. I think I said to you before, you have to look to your own salvation and even if this means being a little selfish. Bless you lou, you have been a great help here so don't go off and leave us. Love. jonathan.

  • I wont disappear off here. You all mean a lot to me. xxx

  • I think you need to think what is best for you Lou. Perhaps a good start would be looking over some of your blogs, I'm no expert and would never offer advice but there is a theme, sorry if I sound harsh I just find it difficult to express things and prefer to go through the front door rather than around the houses! x

  • No honesty is the best policy Hollow. Thanks. xx

  • Oh Lou,

    I'm so sorry you've had such an upsetting day. You must be so frustrated; no matter what you do he just doesn't seem able to meet you half way. As Jonathan says maybe he really is too ill to do that but where does that leave you? How long can you go on putting yourself through this? You need to get something back; some sort of sign that you are not wasting your time. Believe me lass, in the past I've made an art form out of flogging a dead horse but no amount of hope will reanimate the dead. That said no one can tell you what to do and in my experience you will know when you've passed the point of no going back; when the bad outweighes the good. Sadly I don't think he realises that you are fast approaching that place.

    No one can explain his actions and saying he has anxiety only goes so far. Yes, he has but he is also treating you badly. However I would I raise this point to ponder - how is he dealing with his mother's decline? Dementia is an awful, cruel disease. Does this go someway to explain why he puts her before everyone else? At the time when he is falling apart and needs her most he is faced with the fact that she is slowly becoming lost to him. Since I don't know your partner I have no idea if this applies to him and his mother it was just a thought that occured to me. And I realise it doesn't really help you one way or the other. Hard though it seems, Lou, your first duty of care is to yourself. You cannot help anyone if you have become damaged yourself.

    Take Care, love and stay in touch.x

  • Thanks FL. I have a lot to think about. xx

  • my dear Lou well it sounds to me like it is time to move on, sorry it is not easy for you i know but you are already living apart, maybe you should do a proper one to one hearty conversation and give your relationship one last chance and if it didn't work maybe you should part ways!! easy said than done i know, i am in stupid situation at the moment but i took my decision and will

    love and hugs

    God bless

    rouri xx

  • Hi Lou, I wish you didn't have to go through this my love and my first reaction to this letter is to drag you away from this situation kicking and screaming. Where was he while you delivered his presents and shopping? You know Lou, we will always be here to support you darling. I just want to hug you and put your world to rights. For the moment just enjoy Christmas as best you can with your boys and face 2013 as a new start whatever you decide. I'm sorry you cried, never easy :) I end up looking and feeling worse than I started. Although it is a release of sorts, the amount of tissues I go through is ridiculous! Think for the moment of the boys you have got, appreciate them while they are still with you, and most of all release them when necessary. Easy for me to talk I know....but I care about you ..a lot

    Lots of Love and Hugs x Ella x

  • Hi Lou

    How you feeling today? I hope you're feeling a lot better.

    I think you know deep down what you need to do, its called self preservation, and that is not being selfish, you have to look after your own well being, before the illness rubs off on you because your b/f, for his own reasons, whether they are because he is ill, cannot be there for you and needs his mum for comfort, maybe he thinks his mum needs him and she has put a lot of guilt on him?. Guilt is a horrible emotion when someone has anxiety, it plays a major part in nervous illnesses in people with it, its more magnified when someone is suffering anxiety. Maybe his mum is ill too, i dont know.

    But anyway hun, you have to do what you think/know is best for you and yours. By all means be there for your b/f, but dont stop living your own life and getting upset. Go out, enjoy yourself, you know when the time is right when you have to move on, you have done all you can and no one is ever going to criticise you for it.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Lin x

  • Hi guys thanks for your support. It means a lot. I have had a rant and rave with him. I feel better for it. We have had a good chat. See what happens. I know walking away is a easy solution, but again my heart tells me to stick it out. You dont leave a poorly person. I just have to find a way to deal with the bad times. Thats why i come on here.

    I know a few of you are probably thinking silly person, you ask for what you get then. Sorry!. I am one of those people that cant just walk away. Its horrible. Even he says he doesnt understand what is going on with him.

    Big hugs guys. Please dont think i ignore your advice cos i dont.

    Lou. xxx

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