Cant seem to cope anymore

Its me moaning again, sorry with everything that has gone on these past few months i dont think i can cope anymore. My fella has had enough of me being down and says he only cares about himself and his job now and just wants a quiet life and he's volunteering to work over the xmas because the atmosphere is better there than here, also, he says i give him the impression that i want him to leave (which he always threatens me with which is a reason im like the way i am, he also has threatened suicide before) because i dont talk, im not cooking his tea and ive lost interest in everything and all i do is sit on my bum all day playing games or reading on my laptop. Ive not stopped crying all day, with everything going on in my life, im very much depressed and so lonely its unbelieveable.

[Hidden]

Aw Linny...........he needs to come on here and read other people's stories on here.

I do know how he feels, it isnt easy dealing with a partner with anxiety. I suppose i am lucky as i dont live with my partner................................not making excuses for him.

I also think though as a partnership he needs to TRY and get some understanding on

how you are feeling. Needs to see you cant help how you feel. Would he come on here, show him my blogs as i am in the same situation as he is. How to try and deal with the anxiety rollercoaster ride.

Yeh when your partner does suffer from anxiety, you do feel like you are not wanted. You feel like a spare part and everything revolves around that person. What you have to realise as the partner not suffering with anxiety................is that person can not control their feelings. Can not help how they feel. Do not have the energy to do anything,

Have a chat with him. If there is anything i can do to help him TRY and understand the situation as best as can , cos as a non anxiety sufferer i cant get close, i would be happy to help.

Big hugs and love

Lou xxxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi. lou. Lovely to talk to you again. I have said before, you are unique. To come upon someone who does not suffer (only indirectly) from this rotten complaint and who, at least, makes an effort to understand, is truly heartening. I never detect a note of criticism or the 'pull your socks up' attitude. Keep posting, you are an inspiration; to me anyway. Love. jonathan.

[Hidden]

Jonathan so glad you are back. Your like the Daddy of the site:-), Thanks for you're lovely words, but may i say a big THANKYOU to you and everyone else. You are the inspirational ones. You are all suffering but take time out to help others, me included. I really wouldnt have a clue otherwise how to deal with the whole situation. You have all taught me you cant "pull your socks" up. Patience ( and a lot of it ) and some form of understanding. When my partner talks about how he is feeling, ie the tiredness, i always relate to on here, that its normal as you are all got the similar feelings and hate to say symptoms,

Linny dont feel alone. You have the likes of the lovely Jonathan, Ellabella, Briar rose to name a few that will give you advice.

Love to you both

Lou. xxx

[hollow]

Hi linny do you talk to your partner in the manner that you post on here? Sometimes we shield ourselves from those closest to us and not fully open up to them as we think they won't understand I disagree that most people don't understand and we hide behind that I think it is down to us to explain in a way that helps them. I know it's not easy and it make you think you are going to drive people away by telling them how you are feeling and not coping and this is happening and I can't go the shops because I might die and I can't say if I can do that night out until the very last minute and even then it's not a guarantee. In my mind and I stress this is my personal view those that truly love us will accept us warts and all. Granted not everyone can express themselves but emotional blackmail is not going to help your cause, but we also need to be fully open with those around us and if they choose that it's all too much for them then as my ma would say 'it's a blessing in disguise'. I hope this makes sense.

Stay strong and share.

[Hidden in reply to hollow]

hi hollow, yeah i talk to my OH, or i used to, until he got a bit peeved off with me, he probably doesnt know how to help, when i tell him i just need time to get myself better he just goes off in a huff and gets moody, then i just feel guilty cos ive made his sad. Its a vicious circle im in, it was this time last year that he threatened suicide which i didnt know where to turn or who to talk to and i was constantly worried about him. Half of the way i am is down to him i think, ive had a few years of paranoia, insecurity and accusations off him and it was only last December he finally went the drs to get help. He says he tries to help me, but he also says things he shouldnt to me, i.e the threats to leave or threats of doing himself in,especially now when im so low. And he's always saying 'oh i suppose im to blame for the way your'e feeling' and 'you were depressed before i met you'.......i just dont know anymore, i need peace myself, i hate the fact we're not talking but i cant cope with his childish, infantile behaviour anymore

[stde]

My goodness the times I thought everything was wrong and against me, I was lucky to have a teacher who said "if you go into the forest looking for mushrooms, thats all you will notice" I now understand what he mean,t......When things are going against us, we start to notice everything which is negative, it is as if we were programming ourself to search for misfortunes....It becomes a temporary habit...we are down...... I then thought whats good about life (This was when I was sitting on the loo..ha ha) and I remembered what my teacher had taught me....unlike some i had running water (HOT AND COLD!!!!) I had shelter...an inside loo,which was warm and nice...i could take a bath when i wanted....the fitments in the bathroom gave people in factories work and the ability to earn and feed their families.....the items of toiletries gave supermarket jobs.................ok ok thats enough......but i got the message.....I could be happy as long as i had a "GRATITUDE FOR LIFE".......I wish you all well x

[mood_swing_man]

Hi Linny, please talk to your partner-sounds to me that he's desperate to get 'you' back & I think that you want yourself back too. This is such a tough time of year for individuals like ourselves (even more than others!) so just like the best advice-you are not alone. If you want to talk about anything on the site, use it just for that....and you will feel better.

[BriarRose]

Hi Linny - not brill myself atm, so forgive me if this is a brief reply, but it seems to me - sorry don't want to hurt you - that your bf is being a bit of an emotional bully - threatening to leave you, and (!) threatening to commit suicide - because YOU'RE not well!!!! I know something about this, because my father threatened to leave my mother for about 30 years of their marriage, and when that finally stopped "pushng her buttons" - he threatened to take the youngest child with him - men could do that in those days, although the idea of my father coping with a toddler is laughable in retrospective! BUT my point is - my mother finally had enough, and told him to go - and he totally fell apart!!! He begged to come back, cried his eyes out, rang me at work asking me to "put in a good word" with my mother (hell would freeze over first!) - and simply could not cope without her! And yet she felt guilty!!!

I think you badly need more support than you seem tohave at the moment. Sorry, I can't remember, but do you have a CPN/Psychiatric Social Worker/Counsellor? If not, I think you should go back to your GP and tell him/her that you need more support; DON'T be put off with Oh there's a waiting list etc - if possible, print out some of what you've written here, and show it to them - if you're bf can't/won't be supportive, then you need support from someone/somewhere else, my love. Mind do have local groups, but they are few and far between, and when motivation is low actually getting to them can be difficult - but it might be worth ringing Mind and just asking for some advice - they are the experts!

mind.org.uk/

And remember, the Samaritans are there 24/7 - you can also email them:-

samaritans.org/how-we-can-h...

Hope this is some help, my love, but remember, this isn't all about you, your bf bears some responsibility here too, in my opinion.

Keep posting, we're here for you!

Lots of love

Rose

xxxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to BriarRose]

Thank you for your reply Rose, i will bear your advice in mind. I think your'e right, he does bear some responsibility for the way i am, i think over the years ive been sensitized because of his threats of suicide and his threats of leaving, not to mention the accusations, paranoia and insecurities, its probably my head saying to me enough is enough and im realising all this because im now on the medication i needed. My anxiety has subsided, thank god, im just very low, mainly because of my situation at home and probably because of the medication still getting into my system (10 weeks in on 20mg prozac). I do love him and when im not depressed we get on great, he just says the wrong things at the wrong times to me and it makes me worse, he says he tries to help, and on the other hand doesnt know what to do, but says the wrong things again to make me feel more guilty like, 'hes worried sick about me and making mistakes in work and its only a matter of time before his boss runs out of patience with him', which i feel really bad about. I cant help the way im feeling and ive tried to force myself to cheer up, but i cant atm, im really not in a right frame of mind to 'get a grip of myself' or to pull myself together, its a horrible place im in atm and i cant wait for the cloud to pass over xx