My son just exploded on me

[Dodo777]

My son phoned me to lend him 25 pound and to take him to get Cannibus he's moving soon and I was going to rent a van but then he said his girlfriend will have to drive my car but my car is on lease only I can drive and I said she's not driving my car without this car we would be both screwed he went nuts punching his face bringing up the past punching my car bringing up the past.

Before he got in the car I could see he wasn't right and he started after he got his drugs.

I was violent I was lashing out years ago I was having a breakdown and he seen alot and now he's being just like I was his mother didnt have a maternal bone in her body and her behaviour towards my boy helped towards my breakdown I had to leave her because she was opening the window screaming rape or she start a row and leave the house with my boy running screaming for nothing honestly for nothing not even a raised voice I could say more.

I try being there for my son 24/7 but I am I'll and can't cope with much that's why I stay inl day on my own because I feel broken so nervous paranoid.

As I fighting this I just had a text off my son saying sorry Dad but it's left me shaking . I feel I deserve it for being so messed up when he was a kid but his mother was a nightmare a crafty very devious woman that pulled all kind of dirty stunts. My heads in bits and don't know what to do.

[Agora1]

Dodo, I'm sorry. I'm sure your son is reacting to all he saw in his childhood. It has left it's mark on him as well as yourself and all you went through. There seems to be a lot of anger and frustration in your son but is it coming from drugs or are the drugs a way to make him forget his pain? Either way Dodo, he does need professional help. Help that you as a father can no longer give him. You can love him and be there for him but his frustrations are taking it's toll on you.

The fact that your son is able to say he is sorry, shows me that it's an uncontrollable feeling that comes over him that makes him take his anger out on you. When in reality, he is angry at himself as well as maybe feeling sorry that his life hasn't been perfect.

Dodo, you need to take care of yourself. You've raised your son the best you could in that situation. Be there for him and love him unconditionally but find him some help...My best always.

[Dodo777 in reply to Agora1]

I will try but I have to be careful what I say cause social services will be on his back. I think he uses drugs to cope with his feelings of pain . He said he haven't slept because of the kids.

His mother haven't phoned back I new she wouldn't when I text and said he's saying I am running him down I do complain when I am ill and he wants me to go up a third time or if he's borrowing over what he can afford to pay back. I know he has a house move and a court case coming up so it's all adding to his stress but his mother saying that I run him down is just spiteful I know why she saying it because she has never been a mother plus I did phone once not so long ago and said he needs a mother not a drug dealer she don't forget she's always bitchinv with someone usually about money or drugs.

Thanks Agora for listen and replying when I needed it. Thanks 🙄

[Nicki1984]

The best thing you can do for him is to get him some professional help but I'm sure he won't want it or may be in denial. Lending him the money only supports his drug habit so you need to continue to say no. You can help in other ways through talking, meals, looking after kids etc x

[Dodo777 in reply to Nicki1984]

I have seen men go insane because there isn't help out there and they end up in prison hospital to be given pills and sent away.

This is what is happening because there is no help people end up snapping burning down there flat or attacking some innocent person some times killing them then they might get help on top of huge prison sentence.

I do see people addicted to Heroin get help with medication but that's a long drawn out process to.

[mysmugcat]

May I ask how old you son is? Not for any sinister reason, to help only.

[Dodo777]

28

[Dodo777]

I remember my father stressed and angry all the time picking on me for the least thing any excuse to punch me or to use a bamboo stick when I was younger to whip me something everyday would happen. There is no wonder why I am a nervous wreck paranoid afraid to live. I see his eyes now black as coal wide veins sticking out his head he was brutal. You gotta live it to know how it feels and the feeling a stay with you the fear never goes away he like silence I on the other hand hate silence it frightens me always have the tv on always.

My son sent me a text he says don't take notice of what he said yesterday don't keep on start fresh it was him needing the blow but I know that was not withdrawing off blow alcohol maybe but not blow. I haven't done anything today cleaned washed nothing I am still in knots.

[Nicki1984 in reply to Dodo777]

Hi how about putting yourself first and getting some counselling I think it would really help you x