in looking for people with the same problems as me, it appears i have found some (loads). which in a strange way is helpful sorry! however, i am really sorry that anyone has to suffer with this illness, i know we are not meant to get angry with our anxiety but i do, i hate it, i hate the way i am, always avoiding or making excuses. a little about me first, and my difficulties, briefly ha! briefly yeah right look down the page. i lost my mum when she was only 53 which i did not deal with properly at the time,but rather chose not to think about it at all as we were very close, then my wife became unwell with progressive ms, and it seems to me that what these things have in common is that they were out of my control, and thats where my problem maybe. things came to a head when i got stuck in a massive traffic jam, and spent about 3hrs in a state of panic. i was medically retired from my job as an operations manager for 20 years. i am 45 and have had anxiety and panic attacks for around 10 years now, i take enough meds to rattle when i walk 150mg sertraline, diazepam, amitriptyline, propranolol, atorvastatin, omeprazole lol yep! thats it, i have been through cbt, even got myself into hospital over night thinking i was on me way out, only to learn that this was my new best friend that was going to be with me where ever i went mr anxiety, currently back with resource therapy, south essex mental health team and mind, though mind are excellent, there are no people there with my illness which im looking for, dont worry i cant stalk you i cant get out. i'm not currently going out, i did have a small bubble that i got around in, but that has reduced somewhat, however, i am going to change that, im feeling up for a challenge. im feeling really anxious at the moment, and it has moved to a level that i now get anxious not just with things i have to do, but also if any of my family are going out, this is really a problem and most annoying to say the least, people understand for a short time but soon get fed up, if i think i have lost all means of contact with them i get in a real state.
i took on an open uni degree course 4 years ago, which i am in the last year of, but i am really struggling at the moment, as its difficult to study and be anxious at the same time, its like i have a good me and a bad me on each shoulder, but that little git bad me works out and always wins. anyway thats a little about me, i am happy to chat with anyone that wants to have a chat about anything really, i am also looking for people who would like to try to move forward, im fed up with being like this and i want to chat to others that want to work to progress, setting goals or targets or something, i promise it can get better, i have got through this before and had a somewhat fairly, what id call normal life, but i let it creep back up on me the sneeking git, would be great if another nutter like me lived close by as we could arrange to meet up, and niether of us would turn up lol oh and i do go on a little, ok a lot! possive right! well if you bothered to read this far you must be pretty positive, i would have got bored just looking at it all and clicked on. i just had a thought, we could write a book by all us anxious people, it would be the best fictional book ever writen, i get so knacked just planning what isnt going to happen. we all read the same things about breathing, and diverting your mind, yet when your anxious that all goes out the window, i love the days when you have it all the time, walking around in doors with so much anxiety, fight or flight right, well i couldnt fight coz im sweating like a piggy and feeling like im going to be sick, and i couldnt flight coz im on the loo, so hows that a natural feeling thats useful, yeah right to who exactly? i used to work off one theory given to me of 'whats the worst that can happen' but the going to the loo so many times put an end to that one, you have to joke a little about it though and remain positive, i know its easier said than done, i understand what anyone with this bloody horrid illness is going through i really do, i know quite a bit about it now, read all the books you know, remember it isn't going to kill you, nobody dies from too much anxiety, you can cope, the best way of confusing mr anxiety or mrs is to distract your mind keep busy, we are only here once (depending on what you believe in) see how i didnt offend any one there, we do have to look for even the smallestof possitives, be strong, i mean it be strong, because if you are coping with anxiety you are some of the strongest people there is, my best wishes to you all, and if you wanna chat just drop me a line, but we must talk positive not too much on the down side ok, ill shut up now, wow i just wrote an essay,