My story about my anxiety disorder.

[beyond_that]

Hi everyone

my name is ruth and im from Australia. Im 27 years old, married with 2 kids.

I was first diagnosed with panic disorder around july of this year (2014).

It was around 5 in the afternoon n i was excited to go out with friends, being a stay at home mum for 6 years you kinda have that excitment once again. Thought of going out and having fun was amazing.

It was around 7, my friends n I decided to just chill out at my cousins house. Her husband was like a weed smoker so he suggested that night, why not start the night with a bang. Everyone agreed with excitement where as i on the other hand was double minded at first but thought you know what? Why not?. We all sat in a circle. Mind you im not a smoker, nor have I smoked weed before. When it was my turn to take a puff, without a doubt in my mind I took it. I didnt know my life was about to change. While everyone sat down laughing I noticed my heart started to pound hard and fast like It was struggling to keep me alive. I then stood up but realized my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. Gasping for air and going into derealization I thought this was it for me. I felt like I was having a heart attack. The thought of not seeing my husband and kids made me panic even more. "Omg omg I dont wanna die, I dont wanna die" ...thats what I kept telling my cousin who was beside me the whole time.

I will never forget that friday night. Since that night my whole life changed completely. Day after day id have serious episodes of panic. I felt like I was going crazy and that ill do something to either myself or the whole family. I felt like I had no control over my body. I didnt trust myself with anyone coz that fear that I had. That constant what if? Even when being alone id have thoughts about what if I had a heart attack or panic attack...

then theres the problem of going out. I started having that fear of what if something happened to me when im out with my kids?. Sad to say I became agrofobic. Fear of leaving my house, fear of the thought of harming my loved ones. Then came the fear of having a heart attack, then the fear of what if I have bi polar...mental disorders thats incurable.

Till one day I sat down feeling so depressed. Even the feeling of depression is fearful enough, thought of suicide freaks me out to the point I didnt want to be by myself for the fear that I might commit suicide against my will.

But then I decided to do what I needed to in order to help myself get better. I visited the Gp and she was helpful. She gave me paroxtine sandoz 20mg which helped with panic attacks n anxiety. I am seeing a councillor shes a great help to.

Ive decided that if im going to battle this I need to know what im up against. So I went to the library...did a research on panic and anxiety disorder. Knowing what I have has gone a long way for me. It made me feel so much better, even websites like beyondtheblue.com.au and healthunlocked has helped me alot to. Knowing that you're not alone on this and that there are so many just like you. Gives you that sense of hope that things will get better.

Regarding my symptoms

Id get stabbing pains either on the left or right side of my chest. Sometimes id get that choking sensations like im struggling to breathe a bit.

Once in a while my left or my right arm will feel uncomfortable but that's just about it.

id get really sore headaches at the front of my head...tension headaches..like you think you have brain tumor. I get headaches because i tend to over think things through. Especially when i need to go somewhere but alone.

After going for a long walk my body will feel shakey. Im so sensitive when it comes to my body. If I feel a slight pain on either side of my chest ill start thinking about heart attacks. when it comes to movies...some do trigger my anxiety some dont, so im very careful about what I watch.

Its november now and im happy to say ive learnt to accept that I have anxiety disorder. Ive adapted to the changes to.

I dont feel enthusiastic for the things I liked doing. But I dont let it get to me either. Depression only gets to you if you give in to it so easily. When the feeling occurs, immediately get up and do something. Talk to someone, force yourself to do something just to get away from that mind frame.

Another thing, dont over think things through. I guess thats partly what helped me through, learning to accept things as they are n move on with taking care of thy self.

Now I sleep better, my communication skills are better. My anxiety level sometimes shoots up but thats when i do the breathing techniques. Relaxed breathing...

Reading the scriptures is helpful to me as well. I am now one of jehovahs witnesses and to be honest they have helped me alot to. Especially my God JEHOVAH.

The reason why im writing this?

Its always good to enjoy once in a while. Wether its social gatherings or other things. We need to realize that every decisions we make have consequences. I wanted to have a good time but at what cost. Even though im left with this battle its made me stronger and more appreciative about life and not taking life for granted.

Be careful with the company you keep.

Bad associations spoil useful habits 1 Cor 15:33.

I wish I could share this story to the young generations. Drugs n alcohol isnt the answer to having so much fun. Just this week a 19 year old girl died from a drug over dose and that was her first time to.

Its sad that some younger generations today are so influenced by todays world that even drugs n bing drinking is considered cool. But at what cost????.

As for me I still have the hope that ill be back to how I was before I was diagnosed with anxiety attack. Im getting better!

[AmyJayne8-19-95]

Believe it or not this is how my first panic attack started off, I was nearly 15 years old, 5 years later I've now developed a panic disorder, PTSD, GAD,SAD and health anxiety it's horrible, It was my second time In experimenting marihuana and the last time, now I have to live with all these types of mental health issues because of one mistake x

[Hidden in reply to AmyJayne8-19-95]

Hello! this site is very good because we are all in the same boat.

[Hidden in reply to AmyJayne8-19-95]

Hello! this site is very good because we are all in the same boat.

[beyond_that in reply to AmyJayne8-19-95]

Wow 5 years hey. You just gave me hope my friend. I've always wanted to know about those who suffered PD longer than me.

[debbieb35]

I tried weed one time when I was young and I did not like the feeling of it so I will smoke weed again I read the bible to come me down and I talk to ppl to help me get threw this I know it takes time but it been a few months now I wish they would start goin away and it dont help when I found out one of my classmates has died and she was the same age of me so that made fall back and start have the anxiety attack even more now when I was starting to get them some what under control I just want my life back to normal

[beyond_that in reply to debbieb35]

Hello debbieb35,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Yes its true, stories like that really gets to you. Especially when they're the same age as you. But you know what, never compare the death of your friend to you.

(If you read my story) On that same day, that night before my whole world changed. My aunt came over and showed me funderal pictures of my uncle who died from a heart attack. So that image stayed with me. I guess that's what triggered my huge panic attack that night. The thought of my uncle. But you know what he had a heart problem, had a couple of strokes back in 2000 and he was in hes 50's.........big difference....

Just a few months back, I think it was in September. I had a panic attack coz I was watching the news (big mistake). There was a story about a guy same age as me, died of a heart attack while running in the Sydney to surf ralley here in Australia. The only thing I did was not compare our health difference but our age similarity. He had heart complications, where as I didn't.

I guess one thing we need to avoid doing is comparing ourselves to those who either suffered a heart attack or died from it. Its hard I know. Sometimes you can't help it but if you or I want to be normal again we need to stop it and by stop it I mean comparing.

I already had my ECG and the doctor says I'm OK and that there's nothing to worry about. So rather than focus on the negative. We need to focus on the positive.

Am I still gonna get checked from time to time? Hell yeah. There's nothing wrong with that lol.

Suicide?

I read an article about what panic/anxiety patients fear the most or the list of fears they have.

And one thing that I remember about suicide is.....

If you have that fear of jumping off a cliff doesn't mean you're going to literally jump off it. Or a building for that matter.

Fear stops you not motivates you.

Remember anxiety is what keeps us safe from everyday life. You cross a busy intersection you're a bit anxious...and being anxious makes you aware of avoiding any dangers.

Having too little anxiety is definitely not a good thing.

The reason why we see a Councillor or a therapist or physiatrists n take meds is to help balance our anxiety.

You cannot die from a panic attack or anxiety. Panic disorder and anxiety disorder is the only curable mental health sickness. Yes curable! So let's consider ourselves lucky. That goes for GAD and PTSD.

[beyond_that in reply to beyond_that]

I hope you get well soon guys. We need to help ourselves if we wanna feel better again.

Love to all of you n do keep in touch.

[Cwoods]

Wowwww I read this and was deeply touched im so sorry to hear that you went through all of this it is so hard sometimes I wish we can all be cured your testimony has truely been very inspirational to me.

[beyond_that in reply to Cwoods]

Thank you cwoodside

We inspire one another through the stories we share.

I don't read stories that have no hope. But I try to offer advice for those who really need it.

[Kenya40]

Hi beyond_that,

Wow, what a story! I am sorry you had such a,bad experience but I'm so proud of you for doing your research and moving forward. I pray that you will be 100% free from anxiety disorder. Blessings to you!

[beyond_that in reply to Kenya40]

Your welcome kenya40.

Lots of love coming your ways.

[TJT188]

I know what you mean... I just recently quit smoking pot about 3 or 4 months ago, marijuana can not kill you, unless you have some rare allergic reaction to it, or its laced...But it sure as hell can make you feel like it can!! I smoked it for years every day, and almost every time I would smoke it, I would have the most horrifying feeling of panic... Panic attack on steroids I would get a racing heart beat and feel like I couldn't breathe, like I couldn't get enough air. I would literally feel like I was dying, or about to lose control... I quit smoking it, because I just can't handle the horrible anxiety it gives me anymore... I've always had a problem with panic attacks since I was an adolescent, but smoking marijuana for me was like pouring gasoline on a fire... Don't get me wrong, when the panic attacks would pass I'd feel great, but it got to the point where waiting for it to pass became not worth the high... I'm still having trouble managing my anxiety, even though I've quit smoking pot. But it's something that I always had.. I actually think that since my body is rid of the THC, that it's throwing me into panic attacks, because it's so used to having THC in it... It helps talking about it here, and listening to other people, knowing that you're not alone with this torture called anxiety... Everything will be okay we are all in the same boat... Like you said, we have to just accept it, and understand it