why cant i do normal things everything is so hard?

[clairep]

hi im very fed up and tired dont feel as though im achieving anything.Im practicing the method facing,acceptance,floating letting time pass but im finding it so hard the thing is ive created so many fears im feeling irrepairable.Ive been getting migraines the past 2 days and im even scared to take pain killers but i did manage to take half a paracetamol which didnt really help.I ve got my cycle aswell so that isnt helping and not much sleep its all playing with my emotions.I went out in the car again with dad and decided to walk over this bridge over a motorway which i have a fear of and i felt awful i was shaking,inner trembling,edgy and jittery and very lightheaded but i managed to get over the bridge down the other side and started to walk through a housing estate and it was like the further i was going the worse i was feeling.I really wanted to carry on and go to tescos supermarket which was about a 20 min walk from the bridge but i didnt i turned around had to go back over the bridge walk 10 min back to the car.I feel such a failure.I just want to cry why cant i do something as simple as go to a supermarket?or walk over a bridge?I know i need to practice more its so hard one of those days.Im making small progress like i can go in local shops now and go out walking and go short journeys in the car even though i still feel rubbish i can cope with it but today i felt like i couldnt cope.Just miss doing normal things ive forgotten what feeling happy feels like.Sorry for moaning on

claire x

[Hidden]

My Dear claire. I feel for you. Having been there I know. It is a damn awful business and you have my deepest sympathy. Which is not going to help one little bit so let us get down to some real help! Firstly, you say 'I can go to local shops and go walking and take short journeys in the car'. Surely you must recognise this as progress? You do not realise it but progress

HAS been made. Look back. Could you have done this some months or weeks ago? You are irreparable!! YOU ARE NOT no one is. We just THINK we are. You are very tired and practising Dr. Weekes method can help, but even she says, in her book, that there are times when you need to do nothing, just rest, but do not stop moving toward recovery in your mind. Do it again when you do not feel so tired. You do not mention having been to your GP. When I was like that I found mild tranquillisation helpful. But only your GP can decide that for you. 'You managed to get over the bridge'. More progress!? It seems to me that you are denying the progress you are making. When caught up in this nightmare it is difficult to see that we are moving forward but, in my experience, you are, however slowly. This method is not a 'quick fix'. Coming out of this takes TIME. Dr. Weekes says this. You are IMPATIENT with time. I am not minimising your feelings, believe me, they can be overwhelming, but give yourself credit for small achievements. Why scared to take painkillers? They will not harm you and can help. You will not get hooked on Paracetamol or some such thing. Walking to the supermarket in your condition is not SIMPLE but it can be done. Please, do not give up on Dr. Weekes. I did and had to keep coming back. It took me a long time but I got there. I hope we can help. Come back and, please, keep in touch. Blessings. jonathan.

[clairep]

Hello Jonathan thanks for replying back to me.It is a horrible business this nervous illness.I have contacted my gp and he wouldnt prescribe me any mild tranquilisers as he said there very addictive and wouldnt want me to rely on them.I have tried all kinds of meds too ive had citalopram .prozac,fluorexetine,amitryptiline i couldnt handle taking them the side effects on top of intense anxiety symptoms.Im scared to take pain killers as i think they will make me feel worse cos im sensitised its my thinking again.I suppose i feel stuck cos i can cope with going on shops and out for walks dont get me wrong i still feel rotten but i can handle it more cos ive done it the past 2 months.I just want to overcome my biggest fears which are supermarkets and car journeys on the parkway and traffic lights and waiting in queues or sitting in cafes or doctors waiting rooms still got alot of fears its the whole safety thing of not being near home aswell.Its like i think what if something happens to me and im nowhere near home then i start getting panicky like the other day when i went over the bridge and started walking into housing estate it felt weird disorientated strange feeling.Dad says its cos i havent been over the bridge or near housing estate or tescos for that matter in over a year and i havent been shopping at tescos in 2 years.Dad says ive just got to get used to it practice going walking over the bridge then walking a bit further near tescos at a time.What do u think?I guess u dont see ur progress u make.I keep thinking what if i never go through the eye of the storm as claire weekes says how will i ever recover?do i need to have a panic attack to full recover.All these questions i know i shouldnt ask so many questions i just need reassurance and support that everything will be ok.Sorry for the negativity

claire x

[Hidden in reply to clairep]

Hi. claire. It seems to me that you may be testing yourself to see how far you can go.

Yes, you can practice going over the bridge but not with clenched teeth and all tensed up. Dr. Weekes says go WILLINGLY. Now this may seem impossible at the moment.

But it means to loosen up. Untense your body to the best of your ability. Take deep breaths, The strange feelings are normal in your present state. Being illogical is part of this illness. You have taken all those antidepressants but you are afraid to take something as mild as painkillers, purchased over the counter. In nervous illness supermarkets can be a nightmare but unless, at some stage you tackle it you may wait for ever to try. I am not for one moment suggesting you force yourself. But some effort, however small, must be made. At first you will feel fear, who wouldn't in your present state. You will still need someone with you who understands. My thing used to be traffic lights. How I never got done for going over a red light is beyond me!! Waiting for lights to change was a nightmare. I know doctors vary in their opinion about tranquilisers. Some prescribe them for short term use, others don't. I wish they would get together and have a common policy! It sounds as if your Dad is supporting you and he seems to understand which is a great plus. I cannot suggest any more than Dr. Weekes has already done only to say that it does work, given time. My goodness, it is not easy and don't anyone tell you it is, but it can be done. Confidence will come, you will not always be like this so keep looking on this site. Can I suggest that you punch up the Anxiety. UK website. They have help lines and you may be able to get suggestions for therapy. Your GP should have some contacts to help agoraphobia. It is a very common complaint. But, to me, the answer still lies in what you are reading now. I wish I could take you by the hand and guide you. We, on this site, can only speak from our own experience. Bless you and good luck. jonathan.

[mumma]

Claire, it sounds like you are really trying to face your fears. Walking over a motorway bridge is a scary thing for anyone in my opinion and you did it. Ok so you didnt get to Tescos but you did walk on the bridge. You just have to take it step by step remember the saying Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't be so hard on yourself and believe in yourself. I know your post will inspire others.xxx

[clairep]

Thanks peeps need to build up my confidence.Cant wait to have a good day some respite from the suffering.Bless you both too thankyou for ur kind words and encouragement.

claire xxx

[gillyf]

Hi Claire. I'd say concentrate on the things you really need to do first. Yes, you need to go to shops to get food to live. So you are going to local shops already- well done. Next thing has got to be the supermarket for the same reason if you want to progress. But is it really important/ necessary to walk across this bridge? My boyfriend is a chunky 6 ft tall guy who is incredibly laid-back but he doesn't feel comfortable with bridges. Stick to what you need to do for now Best wishes- you're not on your own. Gill xxx