Three in a relationship!!!! Anxiety, my partner and me.

Today is a matter of i can't do right for wrong. It feels sometimes the help i offer is thrown back in my face..........................and then i feel guilty for feeling bad towards my partner. i know its not him, but i get so frustrated and think what is the point!!!

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Hi. lou41. I have just looked at your previous blog "Sleepy Partner" and I feel the answers are all there in the replies. However, you are obviously going through a very bad patch and all the good advice in the world does not seem to help, does it? Do not feel guilty. Situations happen and it is not your fault. The word 'circumstances' means 'things that happen around'. You have very little control over circumstances but you can learn to handle them in the right way. "What is the point"? It is for both of you to get well and lead a happy normal life together and YOU CAN DO THIS. Some of us have been through what you are going through and come out the other end. Your partner is obviously in a stressed condition and needs all the help you can give him. Do not, please, give up on him! His behaviour now is the result of this stress and is, therefore, irrational.Try and bear with him for the moment. Will he look at this website? I know how difficult it is for a man to be persuaded to do this but it could help. Frustration only leads to more anxiety so TRY not to get frustrated. It is not an easy time for you but you will win,

I ASSURE YOU. Keep your pecker up and blessings and good luck to you. jonathan.

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Bless you Jonathan. Its just one of those days. I look through blogs and re-read what you all put. I do feel daft, as you are all going through it and think to myself "get a grip"

Sorry its a rant, getting it out so i don't hold it in and then rant at my partner, as it won't help him. Sometimes i feel i could explode with it all.

Thankyou again, and thank goodness for this site. xx

[ellabella]

Hey Lou, you are welcome to have a rant at us all you like love. I wish sometimes I had a partner...and if I did I would be very lucky indeed to have one like you. You go so much the extra mile , you must love him very much....I don't think anyone would be able to put up with me lol. It's a good job I am not bothered anymore. I get lonely but funnily enough I don't think I would want to live with someone again . Don't let me put you off. I am an older woman who has loved and been loved more than my actual share : ) You are a brave, kind , lovely , lady and you will be happy my sweet. These "days" are sent to try us ....and they do

Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Thanks Ellabella. ur such a warm person and got so much to give. They were fools to let you go. This one is my first love and we got back together after 20 years. He has had a lot of rubbish from previous partners, and now its all catching up with him amongst the many other things. I have been there and getting the brunt of it all. Maybe thats why i cant give in so easy as i spent all those years missing him. Maybe thats made me semi prepared for us not spending time together now. Sometimes i think should take it as he trusts me to let things come to a head and he doesn't have to pretend everything is ok and he can let it go.

ideas in my head that help me get through this. Plus being able to come on here. Its certainly a trying illness. No doubt about that. Certainly being tried at the mo.

Stories like you have told about managing to do a task that makes you feel so happy are great to read. The advice you give aswell as Jonathan. You are both a lifeline, and having to go through it all. You are both inspiring. xxxx

[hollow]

Hi lou, 'get a grip' is our anti-mantra don't get a grip and flow with us through this troubled time, the club is always open for a rant, there is always a proverbial barman (I said proverbial ladies) to listen and advise and never judge. As Jonathan asks will your 'husband' come onto the site I know you said he doesn't have access to internet but maybe through your connection, you can delete your own blogs if you feel this may make it awkward for him.

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Thanks Hollow. Marrying me off again I have told him i on this and for him to have a look. At the mo i cant see it happen. I do think he struggles with the fact he has anxiety, though he is doing everything he can to deal with it. He isn't a whizz kid with computers (ex farmer) stuck in his ways. I wouldnt delete my blogs if he did look. Honesty is the key to things. I come on here to say how i feel. This is my sanity lifeline and he would need to see that.

I will mention it again to him as it would do him good. See what happens as today seems like a bit of a step backwards. A short text at tea-time saying he was going to bed. I know he has cold now but still not him. Tomorrow will reveal all if he is annoyed at me. as i did text him saying i am here and not to shrug it off. like he did today.

And thanks for the advice. Always appreciated. xx

[LizM40]

Lou41..you cannot change a person. It does not matter how hard you try or help them..it will only make you more stressed and anxious. i know this because I spent 10 years in a marriage trying so hard to please my ex-husband, but I had to leave and get out of it to save myself. I was rock-bottom and I could not deal with anything, so I made a major decision to leave my ex-husband and move up north and start again. I am still recovering and learning each day. You have to be kind to yourself as your health is more important. LizM40.

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Thanks for that LizM40. Hope you're recovery is over the worse and you are feeling happier with everything.

I totally get where you are coming from. At the mo i see it as he didnt ask for anxiety, and i cant walk away. We are not married but we are a team, but at the mo its me keeping things going as best i can. He leans on me, but then we do have the downfalls. Another things is i havent 10 years with him being like this. My heart goes out to you for trying for that long. This for me started nearly 12 weeks ago, not long but enough to have all these different emotions and have doubts.

Thats why i come on here. Everybodys input helps me get my head round things......... until the next time.

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Just to let you know. the storm has passed. Even though bit of man flu going on with a chest infection....................not me the "partner". He felt unwell and didnt really want to chat last night, just sleep.

I have told him about you wonderful guys, and that you have said aswell that he needs to check it out on here.

He has said today its probably everything catching up with him. I am sure that immune system is a mess when you are dealing with something like this.

Thanks to all you're individual blogs and advice i can say with more conviction that its normal the way he feels. He even agreed today when i said i don't know how he can be from one minute to the next and if i had annoyed him yesterday. I can also come back to you guys and tell him that is how you all feel at times.

Luckily my home cooking is helping as he can bang it into the microwave and hey presto a sunday dinner at his call. Every little bit helps, and makes me feel i am doing something for him.

So a BIG THANKYOU for helping me get through a TRYIING DAY'. Feel more refreshed to continue the fight with "partner with anxiety" and hopefully beat it. .

LOVE TO YOU ALL. XXXXX