I've been in a bad relationship until recently for 4 years. He was controlling, mentally, verbally and physically abusive. I was always to blame for anything that went wrong in his life even if he was the cause of it. About a month ago he pushed me down and I hit my head really bad it was sore for a few days but haven't gone to see the Dr. yet but lately I've been like so many others I've read on here, shaky, muscle tension, can't sleep, feeling a floating sensation and having muscle weakness etc... This all is new to me but I have been recently diagnosed with anxiety and put on meds but I refuse to take medicine. I've been going thru a lot lately with him constantly stressing me out, problems at work and home and its caused my anxiety to go thru the roof!!! I believe he is the root cause of my anxiety because since I had a big fight with him I've been experiencing these symptoms along with panic attacks. Any advice???


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27 Replies

  • Of course all these issues in your relationship can cause your anxiety, I am talking from personal experience, .... not abuse in my case by total emotion suppression!

    I am sure all anxieties have their causes, and it is not enough just look and treat symptoms! I wish you all luck in the world, take care and love yourself.

    Watch on YouTube Teal Swan, she is incredibly good at many issues in our life!

    Here are some links but once you are on YouTube you can chose her other videos!

  • Ab2009, Teal Swan is incredible...Great videos . Thanks for sharing. x

  • Thank you so much, I will look into it.

  • In fact 4 times in a week i got anxiety.. i just try breathing method 478 and its work..a bit..

  • Yes, yes and yes ... of course it’ll contribute to your anxiety.. you need to seek professional advice ASAP.. you are definitely worth so much more than someone’s sounding block.. please get some help.. I’m thinking of you!

  • Thank you!!

  • Yes it can be the cause of it what worries me is the fact you have banged your head fèel sleepy muscle weakness and floating sensation? please get it checked out better safe than sorry imho I have a friend who had concussion without knowing his boss called an ambulance after he collapsed at work

  • Take it from me hun... If you two have no kids together break free now...... Don't end up like me. I go through this to except the physical abuse but the mental is just as bad sometimes .... Please just walk away cut all contact I've had all those symtpoms for four years now and if u can leave the problem run like hell babygirl...... Run.......... If I could I would but we share a child together so it's not that simple even though we r not together anymore he still acts like we are.... Please take my advice to heart and heal yourself before u wind up in my shoes

  • Ashley1489 thanks so much for the advice, we've been apart since February and he too acts like we're still together when we're not. He's so evil and even when I tell him how bad my anxiety is he continues to make things worst! No we don't have kids together thank God but we share a car at the moment that's the only reason he is still around, trying to figure things out so I can rid him completely from my life.

  • Same here I tell my x the same about my anxiety because physical symptoms get worse when I'm stressed etc and it seems to add fuel to the fire to keep talking shit to me... Anyways I wish u luck hun

  • Thank you.

  • Hey, This is exactly my situation...Didn't realize how controlling my partner was until id been a number of years with him..I had no friends at all and would stay at home all day while he was working...I was so depressed and miserable and he would say he hated seeing me that way and wished I had friends...Well one day I went out of the house and enrolled on a course in the local college and met 2 friends there that I would see now and again..but I noticed when I arranged to see them, he would start crying and get moody and ask me not to go..I would stupidly give in until they stopped asking and then he went back to never crying was all about control...he has been my ex for a number of months now but like u we share a car financially..he still acts like I'm still with him...Please be careful, he never hit me but your ex has taken it that step further, not a good sign...I hope we both are able to be completely free ASAP..Hugs x

  • Hey Aspergirl47 nice to see that I'm not alone in this and someone else understands my situation and yes I pray we both get out of the situations we are in soon because its only so much I can take and he's just ruining my life more and more everyday but I'm not giving up hope just gone continue to move forward and get myself out of this!! Thanks for your kind words and big hugs back at cha 😉

  • Hey, Youre welcome..:) Youre moving in the right direction...stay strong and positive...I saw my ex yesterday, came over with a gift for me and couldn't be nicer...but the good thing is now I know its all false, a game he plays, hoping I will think he has changed...look out for these signs,its just a game to abusers but sadly it can play havoc with our minds....I like u, need the car we have to get around due to chronic anxiety and he knows it that gives him control but hopefully not for long :) Here anytime..Hugs xx

  • Hi, i read the answers above and it looks like it take years to realize that the boyfriend is in control and it's an unhealthy relationship..!!

    I'm in a relationship for 8 months now and i got to a point where i'm totally lost and broken, i lost my best friend after a big fight between me and him..(it's a messed up story)

    after that big fight i lost a lot of weight, i'm 22 years old and my weight is 45kg, my calcium and magnesium had a huge fall, i became weak..after a while the acne attacked my face.. it came a period where i had pain in my stomach, chest and left arm..

    i'm not sure about how bad is the relationship but i can see a lot of thing causing me anxiety.

    so my boyfriend is the kind of guy who wouldn't assume his fault and blame everyone instead. like everyone else, i have boundaries but i give up a lot to make him feel happy and now he is demanding more and when i said no he became "unhappy, in hell, annoyed" (as usual) but this time i didn't bail, and now it feel awkward, he is like disappointed in me or something..

    in the other hand, if i tell hem about something that makes me feel bad, he don't care, he wouldn't change anything or give up something for me..

    so basically, he is only happy with the things he want!!

    is it normal! am i overthinking!!! is that what a controllable boyfriend is?! or i'm just freaking out!!

    what do you guys think?

    (sorry for my English)

  • Hi ang95, it sounds like to me that he only cares about his happiness and not yours and that never good in a relationship because it's about both people it should never be one sided.

  • Yes it sure can . I broke off my relationship of 3 years and I believed it was a catalyst to my disorder . My advice is to please love yourself enough to leave as soon as possible .

  • Hi @Amarie37

    Some great answers and advice here. Here are my two cents.

    I'm going to try to avoid giving too much advice here, I don't like giving advice, being a coach I have learnt that change and healing can only really happen, at a level that makes it true and powerful, through self-discovery, and this is better found from within a deep and honest conversation.

    Are you now free from your relationship? If yes...amazing and brave, well done. You do not deserve to be treated like that, no one does.

    It sounds as if the end of this relationship happened recently, is this correct?

    If so then what you might be experiencing is the fallout from being in a controlling relationship. You see, our brains, specifically our subconscious minds get used to certain aspects of our lives if they become frequent enough, and interprets those aspects of life as being the norm and therefore safe (our subconscious minds are always trying to keep us safe). Unfortunately, our subconscious minds can get confused and sometimes it keeps us from removing ourselves from dangerous situations because there is an emotional conflict.

    For example, you were abused by this man but on some level, for a period of time, you wanted to believe that he loved you and cared for you and that he would change or that you could change him right?

    So what happens is you begin to double associate this person with security and safety but at the same time he is abusing you and this is where your subconscious begins to get confused and starts associating your experience with this man as the norm and therefore safe.

    Our subconscious minds normally deal with danger in two is the immediate danger, the physical type, the other is the unknown danger, the danger of what lies outside of what is normal. So anything that is learned, or frequent enough to be considered an everyday norm becomes safe, even if it really isn't. I hope this is making sense.

    So without getting too tangled up in this from a psychology point of view, what you're experience is several things at this point...

    1: The Grieving of a lost relationship.

    Regardless of what happened in the relationship, you were invested in it for a period of time and your emotions and subconscious mind are now going through a feeling of loss, loss of the normal. Although you are not logically grieving, you may be relieved, you will be grieving for what was normal. And also grieving for any part of the relationship that was good, if there was any. This is where you will feel a lack of control, emotional loss, self-doubt (because at one point you believed this relationship could work), anger and many other emotions associated with the end of an abusive relationship...self loathing can also be a result.

    2: The Unknown.

    You are now entering a place that your subconscious finds extremely difficult...the unknown future. This is the primal fear of what lies outside, in the dark, the unknown possibility of attack! Of course, you're not in danger and you won't be attacked but your subconscious mind doesn't know this, it carries with it the same skills that us humans alive for many thousands of years. Couple this with everything else that is going on in your life and the recipe is complete.

    Now in amongst all this somewhere is the key to why you have begun to feel may not be directly related to this man or what you're going through elsewhere but these events may have indirectly linked to a feeling or a belief about something that you have issues with.

    There are many reasons that anxiety can form and it doesn't necessarily have to be because of what we're going through right now...when anxiety happens it's normally related to an aspect of our personalities and a belief or conclusion that we came to a long time ago about what scares or worries us...this is where the answer will be for you.

    I hope the makes sense...

    I'm sure you will find the power to overcome all of these challenges you face and come out stronger on the side.

    If you do want to tak about this more then please feel free to PM me.


  • Hi Simon, thanks for the advice. And yes I left him back in February even though he still acts as though we're still together even after I tell him I don't love him anymore, I really believe he is crazy but at the moment we share a vehicle and that's the only way I can get around. I'm trying to figure things out now so I can get him out my life and move on.

  • It sounds like you have things under control.

    Make sure you have an outcome as to exactly where you want to be without him.

    Think about that moment in the future and ask yourself who you will be at this point? how will you feel?

    What is happening around you when you become this version of you?

    I wish you all the best.

    Here if you ever need to get to the bottom of things.

  • ABSOLUTELY!! Something you may find helpful in the wee hours of the night MDLIVE.COM

  • Thank you, p57rose...

  • Definitely I was beaten for 8 years and I know suffer from PTSD and depression I thank God he has blessed me with a new husband and there is now peace in my life but God had to get me out first out of that toxic relationship to began a healing in my life....theres baby steps in change but grateful for every lil change.

  • Yes Mireyaozzieg only God will get me thru this and in a better situation and thank God you did. God bless!

  • I think you need to try the medication it might help. Relax and take it easy. I know its easier said than done but I'm going through the same thing. I have terrible panic attacks coupled with psychosis and mania. So I go through all the emotions even sexual ones. So its difficult coping. Maybe you need to find the right medication that helps you out and gives less side effects. This is what I'm doing.

  • Thank you AhmedRaja!

  • No worries

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