Relationship anxiety

[Rebekka75]

Hi, so I suffer from relationship anxiety, ( I'm not sure how else to put it tbh ) and just need to vent really. My husband has just told me he's going clubbing with friends at the end of the month, for some reason my anxiety soared as soon as he said it. I've been very low in mood for the past month, I'm on medication for it and have been for over a year now, im also having therapy sessions with a psychologist, so I'm taking positive steps to overcome it, but it doesn't seem to be enough tonight. Outwardly I seem okay but inside I'm a mess.

Don't get me wrong everybody deserves time away to let their hair down, he works hard and is a very good husband and dad, it's just really got to me for some reason. I think with my already low mood it's given me something to worry and stress about. I'm not sure what I want from this post, I don't have anyone to talk too. Thanks for reading x

[a_work_in_progress]

I get where you are coming from. There are probable a lot of people that would react the same way . Has anything ever happened in the past to give you reason to be anxious about him going out? Are you worried that something bad will happen to him or are you more concerned about him flirting or cheating?

[Rebekka75 in reply to a_work_in_progress]

Hi, thank you for replying. He's never done anything to cause me to worry, I think it stems from my ex, he cheated and put me through quite a lot before I left him, it ended ten years ago it was quite a volatile relationship towards the end. We still have contact because we have two children together. Don't get me wrong things are okay now ( because I went through a solicitor and made it quite clear I was no longer prepared to take any more rubbish from him ). But the effects still remain unfortunately. I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder so I can imagine I'm quite difficult to live with during my low periods. This one has lasted longer than usual though.

[a_work_in_progress in reply to Rebekka75]

Well I understand Rebecca. I am on my second marriage also. My first one did not end well at all either so I totally understand your anxiety. But I think that you said it - that you think it stems from your ex. I know it’s hard because I’m exactly the same in thinking as you - that’s why am here. But if we stop for a minute and rationalize it I would think there’s no need for anxiety if he’s a good husband and he’s never given you any reason to doubt him before. We just think something bad is going to happen. I know the more you think about it the more possibilities there are for you to be anxious about him going out. Try to tell yourself that you know he deserves it he works hard he deserves it he works hard he’s a good dad he’s a good husband - breathe it will be OK. You could always PM me anytime you need to talk. We are all here for each other - hugs

[Rebekka75 in reply to a_work_in_progress]

Thank you for your reply. You're more than welcome to PM me too.

[dbeck128]

Hate it when my past SOs would say they were going on. Not that I dont trust them. I just fear abandonment.

[Dorkas1]

I have such severe abandonment issues that I’m petrified of a relationship. I can’t even get in one because I see it all as an inevitable disaster. I hate that I’ve lost all my trust. I can’t imagine a relationship that isn’t going to end with my heart being torn into fragments so now I’ve built such a wall even I don’t know how it could be torn down.

[Rebekka75]

Thank you for all your replies, I'm feeling a bit better today, yesterday wasn't a very good day for me at all. I was in such a low mood. I'll make a doctors appointment next week, I don't think the therapy and medication are working as well as they should, it may need upping a bit as I'm only on a low dose.

I hope everyone is feeling okay today too, take care.

[SuZQ154]

We understand! Some days are better than others! Please be easy on yourself. We have to figure out what is triggering us and if that trigger is reasonable and rational.

You seem to be very attuned to your triggers and feelings. That's wonderful. You recognize your anxiety to your husband going "clubbing" may stem from your past, your current low mood, and/or your medication not being at an appropriate level.

Sometimes, when I am trying to figure out my own triggers and feelings, I need quiet, devotional time, or to talk to my girlfriends, or to snuggle with my husband. I then can gain better perspective on my moods.

Praying for you today.

Blessings!

[Rebekka75 in reply to SuZQ154]

Thank you for your reply. I can't quite seem to rid myself of this low mood, I've made a doctors appointment for next week so I'll see what she says.

I hope you're having a good day.

Take care.

[SuZQ154 in reply to Rebekka75]

So glad you have an appointment. A professional can often help us figure out ourselves and our situations. (Just so you know, I would be a little suspicious if my husband told me he was going "clubbing".)

Have you considered having a date night with your husband?? Sometimes, when I get dressed up, put on make-up, and plan a nice outing with my husband, it makes me feel better and our relationship improves. Hope this helps!

[Rebekka75 in reply to SuZQ154]

Thanks again for your reply. Unfortunately we don't have anyone who can have our son, my husbands family live over 2 hours away and my parents aren't in the best of health so just couldn't cope. We do go for lunch on a Monday, my husband has a day off.

It turns out that he may not be able to go, we might have my stepson ( from my husbands previous relationship ), he lives 2 1/2 hours away and will need to be home on the Sunday, I don't drive so couldn't do the drop off. It's what I wanted to hear, but for some reason, I don't feel any better.

Thanks for the support you've given me, it really is appreciated.