partner with anxiety

My partner has anxiety. Is it common for sufferers to cut themselves off from everyone. Twice now he has switched his phone off and i cant get through to him. I know you are meant to leave them to come around themselves, but its not easy being on the other side.

Can anyone tell me how and what the best things ways to deal with being with someone with anxiety.

Thanks for any advice.

13 Replies

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  • Hi Lou, That is something I have done more times than I can count. I still do it. If I picked that phone up there is no doubt in my mind that I would a) upset the person at the other end, b) not understand a single word that was said to me . I have to cut myself off to avoid saying mean, spiteful things to people or just ignoring their presence completely. It must be horrible to have a partner like me and good reason I haven't got one. When I am down there is no communication with anyone. It's like something I have to ride out till it lifts like a cloud of doom. And there is absolutely NOTHING I or anyone else can do to change it. The best way my relatives deal with me is to just leave me alone till it goes away. Very difficult I know, when you love the person. Sometimes just being there and being around is enough without continually questioning . There is no answer the depressed person can give. No they are not alright but no there is nothing you can do, unless they ask for help? I feel so sorry for you and your partner. It truly is a nightmare but it's real, Be kind to yourself xxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi lou41 yea i shut myself away from everybody 4 nearly a month when i first started sufferin from it. Cbt is a good course. Learns how to control it. Suggest he keeps a diary of wot they does everyday and when he has a bad day he could look bk at the diary at the good days. Hope this may help alittle bit

  • Hi lou41. ellabella has saved me the trouble of sending you a blog. She has said it all. "Ride it out" is about all you can do at the moment. Keep blogging. When your partner feels better could you suggest coming to this site? I know that many (especially men) are averse to talking about themselves, but sometimes they give it a try. Good luck and best wishes. jonathan.

  • Thanks guys for the advice, It turns out that his phone is broken. At the mo tho at weekends he wants to spend time by himself. We dont live together. He took himself away for a drive today. Its just when you are on the other side you do worry. My heart goes out to all of you going through it. I cant understand what you are going through, but i see what my partner is like. A former shadow of himself, floating around in his own world. I do think i dont have it bad as others as he does ring me 3 x a day. I am trying to understand it as best i can, and try and go about things without being in his face.

    Ur posts do help believe me.

    Thankyou. xxx

  • Yes this is perfectly normal. He knows what he is like when he goes through this and does not want to put you through it as well. In his mind he feels no one understands. This is common with anxiety issues. Not many people, unless they have been there, can understand. Just let him have his space, but let him know you are there for him when he needs you and he will.

  • can i just ask, when you feel like this is it easier to be around other people. My other half isnt the most sociable person. Yesterday he went up to see a friend, he hasnt seen him for awhile, where as he doesnt seem to want to be around me. I know i shouldnt take it personally but sometimes you cant help it. As i say he will ring me everyday and we chat about how he feels. Is it best to let it go and not mention how i feel. Sorry sometimes i feel like i am grasping the situation then something else springs into my head.

  • Mention whatever you feel Lou.....there shouldn't be any secrets from each other. Please don't try and walk on egg-shells as it will make YOU ill and you can't do with that love. Sometimes when I am depressed it is far easier to pretend to someone ( not close ) that I am alright. It's also a way of distracting the mind from your depression. I'm sorry I have never tried to explain this before so can't find the right words.... OK...when close family or friends are around they immediately know I am down. When I am with others they DON'T know and carry on as normal. That distracts me from thinking about me for a while and gives my brain a rest. I hope that makes a bit of sense to you love lol! Relax and take a break, he will work through it....and you must be a very special lady to go to all this trouble for your partner xxxx

  • Ellabella thankyou for that. Is that why you find it so easy to help others on here. You give some cracking advice. We have spoken tonight about it. You are so right in what you have just put. Thats what he has said tonight. I think sometimes how daft i sound when all you are giving me advice and you are the ones going through it. It means a lot. xx

  • You are welcome Lou , I am glad to be of some help to anyone. I'm also so glad you have talked about it : ) . You don't sound daft at all! I wish more people would ask questions

    love xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi lou41. For the first time for ages I have come upon a non-sufferer who tries to understand! My dear, you are almost unique! Everything said on all the blogs is good stuff. He WILL come out of this and with someone like you at his side he cannot fail. Blessings and good luck. jonathan.

  • Thankyou to the both of you. You are all a big help to me, to help me see it from you're side. I do hope he realises aswell. Dont get me wrong it aint easy, but i aint a person that can walk away , especially when no-one deserves this illness. I hope i can help anyone here aswell in any way. xxx

  • Hi lou41. I am sure you can and you will. We need people like you who are prepared to TRY and understand what this nightmare of an illness is like. Good luck to you, my dear, and keep giving support. jonathan.

  • I do find it easier to help others, makes you're own problems a lot easier to deal with. I do notice you are very good at giving others good advice. Ix

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