How do I break the cycle

[Pixie_1986]

I have social anxiety I struggle with social events I tend to always reject all social events and I panic Id I need to attend and I'd I do I isolate away from people

[Agora1]

Pixie, I remember the days when. I disliked going to big events as well.

Although at the time it wasn't called Social Anxiety, I was just shy.

No one realizes how difficult it is for the person to interact with others

even family. My mother came from a large family so I had many aunts

and uncles. And yet, I never really stopped to say "hi" to them. I'd sit

with my mom and dad and wait until it was time to go home.

Now I'm a different person, very outgoing but there is no one to talk with.

Everyone is gone now. We have to live in the moment and not let Anxiety

rob us. xx

[Pixie_1986 in reply to Agora1]

That's what I am struggling with the social side I don't know how to really interact and get involved I have been asked to meet my partners family for a christening and it's upsetting me because this would be the first time meeting any of his family and I haven't slept because of it I am worried I look like a mess even if I don't i don't know how to start a conversation and I am worried I will get judged I haven't been really out to socialise for over 2 years due to no money and the ill health of my father who passed away in September and since September I have found it even more difficult to make any improvements I have lost friends because it was easier too

[Agora1 in reply to Pixie_1986]

Pixie, I'm truly sorry for the loss of your father. You are still in a grieving period

and it's understandable that it's more difficult to break through your social anxiety.

As for the Christening, should you decide to go, I will say that going to that event

as well as it being the first time in meeting his family is a big stressor..

The more we hide, the harder it gets to break down that fear barrier. Does your

partner have any ideas in how they can help you through? As for starting the

conversation, you've got the baby to "ooh and aah" about. Switching the topic

to others is a way to get you off the hook. Just an idea. Let us know what you

decide. Either way Pixie, I so understand and I care xx

[Pixie_1986 in reply to Agora1]

It's his brothers babies christening he just wants me to go as a plus one I do feel its the wrong time to really introduce me into the family and because its not really a event where I am not at the fucus point hopefully I will get left alone but I do feel the stress of the possibility of been put on a spot especially this would be a first gathering In so long

[Agora1 in reply to Pixie_1986]

I so agree with you Pixie...this is the baby's shining day and maybe isn't the time

to introduce a new person into the family setting. xx

[Pixie_1986 in reply to Agora1]

I am going with the uneasy feeling on it and tell him to go enjoy the day himself there's plenty of other time for me to be introduced at a more appropriate time I know I wouldn't be keen on a random at my babies Christening and thats coming from a mother already

[Agora1 in reply to Pixie_1986]

Pixie, I think you have made a wise choice. Whew... xx

[designguy]

I had social anxiety and healed, my suggestion is that you find a therapist near you that specializes in treating it if possible. they typically will use group and exposure therapy as well as teaching you new ways to think about yourself and others. For whatever reason your perception of how others perceive you and how you perceive them is flawed. You think that others are constantly judging you but the reality is that most people are too caughtup in their own lives to pay much attention to you. You may have been bullied like I was which is common with people who have SA. You may benefit also from medication at least temporarily. I found that Klonopin helped reduce my anxiety some to make it more manageable while I was healing.

If there isn't a therapist near you, there are online resources you can check out. You might check out the website and youtube of Sebastiaan at Social Anxiety Solutions, he has a lot of good info. There is lot of good info on youtube that you can learn from.

Another thing to consider is that you may also be suffering from low-self-worth which is common with people who have SA. There is a lot of good info on youtube about how to heal that part of yourself. You can recover from SA but you have to make the commitment and effort and persistence to heal.