Advice

I am very stressed out over a friend's situation. She has been struggling for several years now, with no answers. Now her condition is very bad and finally it was suggested she has Parkinson. I researched it and she has all the symptoms. Because of it she falls constantly, has broken wrist, ribs and now neck,,,not including all the severe bruses she had. The so called specialist she went to said they didn't know what was wrong and that they couldn't help . But wanted to do unsessary life threatening surgery for her neck that's going to heal on its own . Friend is on anxiety overload and is not thinking clearly. She doesn't want to talk about anything or deal with it. She also doesn't want her daughter to know. I don't think she's afraid of the Parkinson, I don't think she thinks it's the problem. She wants to take some pills and expects it all to go away. I've tried talking with other close friends and all say just give it time , they don't want to upset her. I can't get them to understand how serious this is and that the longer this goes untreated the worse she'll get. And less help any treatment will have. It's eating me up watching and not doing anything. Sorry about long post, please any advice will be appreciated.

[Hidden]

I think daughter needs to know and she might be safer in Care Home

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree that daughter should know. Friend is dead set against it. She is Definitely not ready for a facility. She hasn't accepted what's going on. And of course needs a real doctor to diagnose and start treatment. Do I have right to go against her wishes to tell daughter.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes as she getting hurt and has physical danger. You have right to protect her

[SCC1]

I also think you should tell her daughter. If something should happen to your friend, her daughter needs to know what caused it. If her daughter is left in the dark, and IF something should happen, even just an accident, she needs to know what's going on now. Also, I think you are "allowed" to disclose your friend's problems against her wishes if she is getting hurt- in the US anyway. (I think you can do that but not totally sure.) Whatever is in your friend's best interest.

Also, if the daughter doesn't know about her mom's condition, she may be angry that she wasn't told.

And this situation sounds pretty urgent. If it were me, I wouldn't "give it time". There may be something else that can be done to help your friend. If let go, any possible options to help her may not be available once the Parkinson's has taken more "control" over her body.

Best wishes. xx

[Hidden]

Thanks for the advice. I will take it underadvisement. Unfortunately it's not so simple. I'm thinking I have to respect her wishes. I feel the same way about my blood relatives. Blood doesn't mean family. I went as far as starting in my wills to give a friend power of attorney and explicitly said never to contact, not even to inform of my death. I guess I know what's right.

[Dixie9326]

she’s had multiple falls and broken bones and her daughter doesn’t see it? She doesn’t question what’s wrong with her mother?

[Hidden in reply to Dixie9326]

Her daughter doesn't live close, and they don't have a close relationship. But she does know about about all the serious falls. She's not concerned enough to follow up and question falls. Friend doesn't want daughter so I'm going to respect her wishes.

[Dixie9326 in reply to Hidden]

so very sad

[Princesspeach84]

I too know someone who has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and nowadays it is not the death sentence it used to be. They’ve been diagnosed years and the slight tremor in arm hasn’t got much worse in this time. There are new medications and breakthroughs in this condition all the time. I think if I was you I’d sit your friend down and explain that you want to go to the GP with them. Take notes, ask questions and research. Look into joining a Parkinson’s support group in your area. If you think the GP is rubbish or wrong, ask for a second opinion. Sometimes people need help when it comes to anything medical and can down play their symptoms or not understand what is being discussed. I wouldn’t advise telling her daughter as I’d be heartbroken if I was in same boat and you went against my wishes. Good luck 🤞 x

[Hidden in reply to Princesspeach84]

Thanks so much for your input. Biggest problem is getting her to the right Dr. She's been having undiagnosed symptoms for years.