How much more can i take? :(

Sorry

IBS really bad yesterday and agony today - could hardly eat anything - middle of the night - (sorry TMI) but didn't make it to the loo!!! :'(

Think "best friend" has fallen out with me - my invitation to her 50th birthday was obviously lost in the post - didn't know about it till saw her OH's pics on Fb - (like the Jubilee BBQ they had last June "for a few friends"!!!!) - put something on FB - okay probably shouldn't tho it wasn't that bad - haven't heard from her since - forwarded her a few funny emails as I often do - nothing!

Spoke to sis - said if I didn't hear from friend in the next week or so would write to her - sis dead against it - "friendship is what the other person is prepared to give" :-O And you have to take whatever they choose to dole out??? Oh, THAT'S friendship, is it? Sorry I thought it was more equal than that. Sister - "My friend X I only ever see her about once a year!" Me "Where does she live?" Sister "Canada." Me: hysterical laughter!!!!

Said I'd had a visit from a support worker - could have some home help but wasn't sure - said some things were difficult. HER shower is VERY difficult to clean, because it's HUGE - well she bought the bloody house - "I have to stand in the bath to clean the shower" Well, yeah, you do! Me: You don't have arthritis! Sis - Well I do .....tailing off as she realised she doesn't. "I have to stand on steps to reach the top". She doesn't suffer from vertigo. She doesn't struggle to open bottles of milk with arthritis, or to turn a light on because she can't lift her arm even as far as shoulder height!!!! Did I tell her? No bloody point, if I say something hurts it's because I'm a wimp (and it probably doesn't hurt!)

Sorry. Doesn't sound much when i write it down but :'(

Rose

xxxxxx

17 Replies

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  • Oh Rose,

    Yes, they are all little things but they're a lot of little things and they add up and play on your mind. Especially at three o'clock in the morning!!!!

    I'm sorry you're feeing rough. It's bad enough being ill without having inconsiderate friends and relatives to deal with too. They just have no idea how hard we wk sometimes just to get through the day. My best friend isn't speaking to me either because I can't talk on the phone. Apparently I'm just not putting in the effort!!!! Just wish someone could see just what an effort we ars putting in - every day!!!!

    And I wish I could get to sleep. I have to be up in three hours!!!

    Sorry - realise none of this is helpful, Rose but I hope it helps to know I'm up too and I get it!!!

    Take Care

    Love

    Lizard.xxxx

  • Aw Lizard sorry ur up too n not good!!!!! I'm not glad ur still up, hun, at least i can sleep in but it DOES help hugely to know someone understands and cares!!!! Bless u, hun - sorry bout the text talk but lying on sofa typing with 1 hand lol!!!!

    hope u get to sleep soon hun

    lotsa love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Oh lovely when it's rough it's tough. Just did two nights not sleeping so I no how that feels. All that stuff in yr head just goes round and round don't it. Hope you are feeling better. X

  • No sleep makes everything 10 times worse. Too many thoughts and no calm space. try to catch up a bit by resting. I don't know if it helps but I sometimes put on a classical cd all slow and calm turn the volume down and then there is just enough sound to ease me into a light sleep which lets me get enough energy to cope with a day. love to u xxx

  • Just seen this Rose , sorry you were up hun with these things on your mind ...i wish you didnt care so much , then you would think "sod them " not worth my time & they are not , easy for me to say , harder to think as I am the same as you

    You no where I am :)

    Hugs

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Bless you all - more when I;m awake - hugs my loves xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Rose

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi Rose,

    Isn't it awful that feeling of not being able to shut off. I lost my rag with a doctor's receptionist, but I now feel awful, I hate confrontation.

    We did a practise at yoga the other night, I dont know if anybody has tried it, to keep your mind focused on something other than worry.

    You start at No.50, breathing in, and No.49 you breath out (every even breath is an in breath and every odd no is an out breath. When you get to breath no. 21, you breath in and out on every number, which you do till you have reached no.1. If you forget what number you are on, you start again from the beginning. Not always easy when your anxious, but I quite like it. I do know that some people it will make more anxious.

    Rose I hope you feel better soon and that you sort your differences out.

    Regards Eunice.

  • My dear dear friends - bless you all, you're all such lovely people! We're all suffering, but we somehow find the time and strength and compassion to support each other - I often think we're nicer and stronger than those who don't suffer MH problems - and who "look down" on those of us who do! Confidentially, I told my sister that my new support worker had shared confidentially that he is bi-polar - sister's reaction "Bloody hell!!!!" I did get angry at that and said "Well, I think he's to be admired - he's obviously got it under control, but he's doing a useful job in spite of it - I think that's brilliant!" Incidentally, if he'd been sitting on his backside saying he couldn't work because of his bi-polar, my sister would disapprove of that as well!!! :(

    But last night wasn't about insomnia - my IBS had been bad the day before, but yesterday I tried - as I am always being told! to "eat something" - so I did. Result - 11 pm was in absolute agony with cramping, griping etc. Went on for at least an hour! Thought it had "resolved" itself - then - sorry TMI again, but mad dash to loo - and didn't make it :'( TMI again, but rinsing out crappy knickers at 2 am isn't my idea of fun! :( AND not knowing if it's going to happen again, so scared to go to bed in case it did!

    Then sister going on about "friend" - i shouldn't write to her - Friendship is about what people are prepared to give, and if you confront her she'll be pushed into a corner. I said Who said anything about confronting her, I just said i was going to write to her! Sister - well, she's probably busy, just leave it till she contacts you - Me - and if she doesn't????? So I sit and wait till friend graciously condescends to forgive me for hurting me - or not? Don't I have any say in the terms of a friendship? Or do I just have to "take what i can get" - like my sister would - NOT!!!

    Housework - sister Yes it is hard! Okay, she's 70 but she's a lot fitter than I, and it's BLOODY hard when you can't kneel down because of arthritis, your hands and wrists hurt because of arthritis - how do you scrub when you've so little strength in your hands that sometimes opening a flagon of milk is a real struggle??? When you can't open a bottle of bleach? When you can't climb to reach upwards because you suffer from vertigo/balance problems? It's not hard, it's bloody painful - but pointless telling her it hurts, because I'm the family wimp and it probably doesn't really hurt!

    Sorry, my friends, know no-one can sort any of this but me, but it helps to get it out!

    bless you all - hugs (((((( :) )))))

    Might go back to bed for an hour or so, last night really took it out of me - in more ways than one! ;)

    Lots of love

    Rose

    xxxxxxx

  • Glad you with us. I love the way you share and are so honest. I also hv a friend who I no loves me but is really rubbish at keeping in touch. She should hv mailed me this week and hasn't so I'm really peed off with her. However my friends give me loads of latitude so I try and give it back. Maybe yr mate had a good reason but u won't no unless u ask send the letter at least you will no either way. Ps yr sister??? X

  • Sam Strikes back: The only person i hate in this world is myself…..Why??/ I tried to engage in therapy,stay sober , progress in life….I'm a medic by the way(But that does not make any difference). My passion towards MH has grown immensely in the past few months, Few people on this website including the lovely rose ellabella,jonathan…..have been so supportive throughout….Whatever you guys go through, I'M SURE THERE IS A REMEDY SOMEWHERE AROUND!!!!Being through several medications and loosing my family…I do not find to cure things but at least i found the strength to get in front on my iMac at least to cheer someone up…..This's me!!!!!

  • Ah me rose petal what can i say dear i think you and me need rubbing out either that or winning lotto and sodding off on a good hol luv you are just like me and seem to go over and over with your head over loaded which makes us even worse sorry you have had a tough night luv your so lovely try not to let it play on your mind too much hun not worth you getting in a state i am here if you need me still not talking me and OH so not having much fun either love we always seem to be the ones in the wrong chin up rose xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • HI, all the little things always pile up and make one huge proplem. ibs is not a small problem, mine has really took over my life. having endoscopy soon and im more afraid now than ive been in a long time. so stressed and worried myself right now. please chat to me anytime. thinking of you. xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxx

  • HI, all the little things always pile up and make one huge proplem. ibs is not a small problem, mine has really took over my life. having endoscopy soon and im more afraid now than ive been in a long time. so stressed and worried myself right now. please chat to me anytime. thinking of you. xxxxxxxhugsxxxxxxx

  • Hey how you feeling. X

  • Thanks you all so much - feeling a lot better, slept most of the day - last night took it out of me in more ways than one! ;) - lot better, more when I'm a bit more "with it" but bless you all for all your support and care, you'e all such lovely people! Hugs everyone (((((((((( :) ))))))))

    Love and thanks

    Rose

    xxxxxxx

  • Oh my rosy rose!!! Don't let them upset you!! You've got us and hope it will make you feel bit better, few weeks ago I had bad stomach and I didn't make it to the loo as it was all over my trouser and I was upset but it just happened but at least you know your not alone with it!!! Stay strong and chin up my lovely as there will be a party on Sunday!!!!!! Woo wooooo!!! Sending you a massive hugs (((((((())))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Awww my lovely Minnie! :) So sorry you had a bad tum and an "accident" - it's horrid, isn't it? Feeling a bit better, ta, though very tired today, will be trying for an early night, though I seem to have great difficulty getting myself to bed these days - no dishy husband to encourage me, like you have lol! ;)

    Really hope i'll be able to make it to the Garden party - have a feeling sister will want to come over Sunday and I've put her off so many times I can't really, not again - so, I may be late, but I WILL be there!!!! Don't suppose you could arrange an Indian head massage for me, could you, as a special favour - feel I'll need it if sis does visit ;) - oh and lots of Irish coffee! ;) Or should I say lots MORE Irish coffee?

    Bless you, my lovely DG, see you in the Garden on Sunday, even if i am a bit late, so don't let them eat all the food or drink all the wine and the Irish! :p

    Lots of love, my sweet Minnie, thanks for the hugs, lots back (((((((((( :) )))))))))

    Rose

    xxxxxxxxx

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