Overanxious or what??

My daughter is expecting a baby and is 38 weeks pregnant. . She has just found out that she will need to be induced as baby isn't putting on any fat. So this is all happening next Wednesday afternoon.

I have arranged to have 3 weeks off work to be with her and her partner.

She phoned this afternoon to say don't come up til Wednesday but I thought that was cutting it a bit fine so we agreed on Tuesday.

I have thought all along that I would be at the hospital with her , not necessarily in the room, but available.But now I find she doesn't want that.

I have made myself really anxious and upset worrying , all the worst things of course, about her and baby and I felt quite hurt about it all. They seem to not expect me to be anxious.

I know I am being silly but this is my first grandchild and I want things to be ok. I just feel so tearful.

I really just needed to get this written down and know this is the best place I can do this.

Thanks for reading. Julie xx

20 Replies

  • morning Julie,

    You did the right thing by posting on here.

    I can understand why you would want to be near your daughter at such an important time in both your life's.

    Wow you are going to be a gran-mother, just think of all the great things you will be able to do once this child is born.

    Maybe your daughter is feeling a little anxious as well about the coming event and feels she needs her own space, this does not mean she feels any less for you, but it's one step at a time for her.

    You are not being silly as a mother she is your baby and you want to be there for her.

    You have booked 3 weeks off work to be there for her and I bet she will be so glad of all the support and help you can give her at that time.

    Hoping you are feeling better and not so anxious, this is a happy time for you both.

    gardener x

  • Thanks for your support. This was the only place I could think to come to explain how I felt. I am sure all will be ok ... just an emotional time all round. Julie xx

  • It's tricky isn't it. I was breach and had a c section and my mam and dad were out of their minds with worry as we are a close family. You are bound to be terribly worried but you need to keep in sight two things a) it's gonna be awesome to be a gran and b) you have to remember that it is your daughter and her partners day too. I don't mean to sound harsh but .......

    It is going to be a hard balance to strike if you are anything like my mam, between help and smothering. She is going to be soooo grateful for the help but you must give her space to enjoy being a new mum and also birth independently.

    Enjoy it. Don't stress. Take the lead from your daughter. She's an adult and she knows what she needs more than anyone.

    I hope that didn't sound critical because I didn't mean it to. Don't ruin these nice first weeks with worry, stress and friction.

    Take care.

  • Thanks very much. I know where you are coming from and I have to take a step back., Will have to try harder and not be so emotional. Thanks Julie xx

  • Hi, I was induced with both my children and although I love my mum so much, when it came down to it I only wanted my partner in the room for the birth. She came in to see me during a bit of my labour but then as far as i knew she went home , I was lucky and it took no time before my first little girl was born. As I left the labour room, I saw my mum who had been sitting out side all along. I was over joyed to see her and show off my beautiful baby. I have never asked her if she had wanted to be in the room for the birth, she just accepted that I hadn't wanted her there.

    I am sure that you will be able to pop in to see your daughter , when she is in the early stages.

    I know she has said she doesn't want you they but please don't take it to heart, labour is scary and your daughter needs to feel in control and maywell want some space. ( I know I didn't want my mum to see me in pain and maybe not coping as well as she thought I should do)

    You are going to be needed so much once the little one is here, and I am sure your daughter will love showing you your grand baby ( once all the pain has gone, and your grand baby is nice and clean and all wrapped up)

    Please believe me , it's just that the birth bit is so emotional it's not unreasonable for it just to be her and her partner ( I have never been one for having a room full of well wishers) she still loves and needs you loads

    The time will go in a blur, ( have some food and tea, you will need all your energy soon enough,) and before you know it, you will be seeing this grand baby, and you will be the only one will any energy left.

    My mum also wasn't there for my second child either, she was baby sitting the first one!

    I hope everything go well for your daughter and you find some peace with her birth plan

    Fingers crossed


  • Thanks for that. I can see I have to take a step back and let them have their space. They have always come to me for any problems etc so it's hard to take a step away but can see that's what I have to do. Thanks for your advice. Julie xx

  • Hi Julie, could be your daughter knows you're anxious and doesn't want to worry you, she's going to be anxious enough herself I should think, when I had my first baby I only wanted hubby there so I wouldn't be thinking of anyone else worrying if that makes any sense, so I could just focus on me and the birth, have to admit I was terrified !

    Hope all goes well , I'd actually come on here for a rant but your post has put things into perspective so thankyou :)

    Mimii xx

  • Well glad I could help somebody else. xx I have understood now from your posts that I have to take a sideways step and let them do it thier way. Thanks. Julie xx

  • Hey Julie

    You have ever right to be anxious so it's good you have came on and got it all wrote down.

    Everyone has said basically what I would have but just think you have 3 weeks off to get your hands on your grandchild and get plenty of cuddles. Make sure you get plenty of smells in as well as there is nothing better than the smell of a newborn baby. :-)


  • So true. What a great p;lace this forum is. Thanks Julie xx

  • I just KNOW things will work out for everyone. You have a wonderful experience coming in your life and so much that you can teach this little one. Just try to calm yourself and realize there is a Higher Power that is watching over you and yours.

    I will hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers !


  • Thanks. I have also been praying for some guidance and know I have to step back. Thanks Julie xx

  • Dear Julie,

    Cor congrats you're going to be a grandma lucky you

    Do you know how long your daughter is likely to be in the hospital? I'm sorry but I only have a son so it's different but could you perhaps make sure everything is ready for when they come home. Perhaps have some meals cooked and stored in the freezer and shopping done etc. Also maybe take some goodies into the hospital that you know she likes.

    I know it is hard but they want this very special time to become a mum and dad together and when the baby is born you can celebrate together and you will be able to have a cuddle and wont that be fantastic.


  • Yes I know. Will be waiting to help once they are home and things may get a little hectic. Thanks for your answer. Julie xx

  • Hi Julie

    First how exciting you will soon be a Grandma / Nana not sure what you have asked to be called :-)

    Oh you are not been over anxious here , I remember when my daughter had her daughter & I was a wreck , I think more a wreck than when I was having my own & certainly more anxious than she was !!!

    That maternal instinct just kicks in & straight away we want to be there !!!

    It ended up a family outing just about when my daughter gave birth , there was her of course lol her OH , me & even her dad in the room , don't ask me how that happened but at the last minute that is what she wanted , before that I am not sure what her plans were except like you I said I will be there for you just tell me what you want & when you want me !

    Whatever your daughter decides though she loves you & she will be needing you at some stage believe me & will be grateful that you are about :-)

    Try & look at the positive you have brought up a wonderful daughter who thank goodness doesn't suffer with anxiety & that is why she doesn't understand why you are feeling anxious but we do , so talk to us & when you are with your daughter & grandchild enjoy every moment :-)

    Will be thinking about you & your family :-)




  • Thanks whywhy for confirming that I am allowed to be anxious!!!! I will be at the hospital I think but will just stay outside unless she wants me. Love Julie xx

  • Have faith in God. Nobody cares like God. He is your protector, your shield, your provider. Have faith in God. He is a good God. He wants always the best for you. Receive this Word and all will be well with you. This word will birth faith in you. Replace or substitute fear and anxiety by faith and confidence. Instead of anxiety put in place the prayer of faith. ALL WILL BE WELL. THANK God for each day. He will give you your daily bread and your daily grace.

  • I do try but my faith is a little dented at the moment but praying for guidance in this. All will be well I am sure. Julie xx

  • Good you have discussed this here,and you are taking the correct attitude,be there for them but only when they want and need ,do you live near them?If so you will be a big help for them.Bet you will be the first called and be included when baby is born.I have 2grandchildren whom are grown up now and I don't see them much(apart from a few weeks ago when granddaughter was staying with me,I have only seen and heard from her once since then). I was always been in my grand children's lives,I had them every weekend.Let them know you will always be there for them,only a phone call away,hey,look forward,bet you will always be busy with your grandchild,good luck.

  • Thanks for that. I will always be there for them for sure. Juli9e xx

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