Moody daughter killing me!!!!

[stucksue]

My daughter is 9 going on 18. She had the most awful mood swings and strops and speaks to me like absolute shit. Next moment she is crying saying she is sorry. I am at my wits end, she can't walk past me without barging into me all sitting at the table and constantly tapping male kicking me with her for she doesn't realise that she's doing it, she just does it when I say to help please can you stop doing that he just turns around and looks at me as if to say for God sake mum fuck off. She has this wonderful way of looking at me and then looking away as if I am a total piece of crap to her. Last night I nearly went for her and it breaks my heart to even contemplate losing my rag but I know it's coming I can't control It The more I fighting the more I get so wound up because she constantly back chatting she constantly winds me up she tells me that she doesn't care she doesn't love me care for me and wants to live with her dad She couldn't care less and I just broke down last night I broke down crying and crying and crying and she comes and looks at me almost 2 to think that she has won she has done it she is now pleased with herself that she's made her mum cry. I need help and I don't know where to go or who to ask for it Friends I've got very good friends that they have their own issues I need some professional help and I don't know where to go

She has been taken to the doctor I've taken to the doctor previously and to no avail she behaves like an angel in front of anybody else but to me she is an absolute Demon. I find myself reacting with drinking alcohol its the first thing I think of either that or self harm I just want to lose myself in the world of drunkness I don't have alcohol in the house and I just feel like a very bad mum because I don't know how to cope with my beautiful daughter. I have hardly slept all night.

[Yummimummi]

Hi there

First off, you sound like a good mum pushed to the max.

Please don't think that your not

I would go back to the doctor and tell him how your feeling better still, show him your post on here or write a letter. It does sound like she has her hormones rushing around... Puberty?!

What is school like for her?

Are there any problems there such as bullying?

Give your school a call and speak to the headteacher. He/she will have a teacher watch her discretely.

Most importantly... You need to get some help for you as you need to be strong to help your daughter.

I hope this has helped. X

[england]

Aw shes just mouthy my 9year old girl give it some to she knows the limit tho when i say get bed take her tv 3ds that comes out says sorry let her out if does agane to dee loo in bed room agane then she stop yer 9 going on 18 or grumpy moody like old 80year old women ha i say that to like old women ha ha

[Hidden]

Hello

You sound like you are going through a really tough time at the moment , I have read you are suffering with depression & have recently got out of a bad relationship , I presume this is the father of your daughter & you have also moved areas in which you live in , such a lot to deal with & any mother that found themselves in your position would be struggling or find all this a strain to cope with , so don't feel bad but you sound like you have lost all hope & that is what you need to get back & get control over your life again , easier said than done but can be done with time & patience & the right support

I know you have spoken about your ex been abusive towards you & I am not sure if your daughter ever saw this , but maybe she is hurting but because she is 9 & has no idea how to express or explain how she feels so then come the tantrums , name calling lashing out at you because she has no clue what else to do this could be something she has heard & seen from your past relationships & could be copying that pattern of behaviour even believing & feeling that this may be normal to do

It sounds like both mother & daughter are hurting & struggling & at the moment your daughter is stronger than you are , as young as they are they sense your weak points & goodness do they know how to press those buttons when they need to & she certainly is pressing yours

I have read you seem to get in one relationship after another , I can totally understand you feeling the need to be loved etc but also this can have a reflection on the kids as she may feel there is no stability & kids need stability , so until you get this situation with your daughter sorted & you will I would leave any relationships alone , build a strong family unit between you & your kids & when the time is right then maybe someone decent will enter your life & can add to the foundation you will have already firmly put in place

You have 2 children ? I presume the other one is fine in the way they behave towards you , how do they react when your daughter is behaving this way ?

When we are suffering with any Mental Health problems we are at our most vulnerable & this is when we need help & support the most ,but also this is when we are at our weakest & feel we don't have the strength to keep knocking on the doors asking for it , but dig deep you have the strength somewhere & as said before go back to the doctors again , see a different one if you need to , tell them exactly how it is & that you can't cope , talk to school , talk to anyone that will listen , there is nothing to be ashamed of needing support , it sounds like Mother & Daughter are crying out for help here & I sincerely hope you get the strength to speak up & up & up till you get it

I will just finish by saying you will not find the answers in the bottom of a bottle , it is a temporary fix to dull the pain but then another day starts & the issues are still there & unless you start getting addicted to drink which would be another problem you don't need , the drink won't resolve it , it will just become another abusive relationship you start to build as it will drag you down just like the men you have had drag you down in the past & you are worth a lot more

Remember that the Samaritans are only a phone call away if ever you feel so low & hearing a warm comforting human voice at the other end of the phone that will listen can really help in times of what feel like desperation

Good Luck & stay strong you can work through this x

[stucksue in reply to Hidden]

I just read this and thank you. You have touched on so much and all of it is true. Yes she was involved in one particularly bad incident with my ex husband and I. She was trying to protect me. That was 4-5 years ago. I have moved home so many times in last two years you wouldn't believe it. Now I am looking to move again! I can't seem to settle so god knows what my kids must feel like. I have a good job and earn good money and yet if I profiled myself I would say that i reflect a puddle, shallow. I chase after self gratification and if not received i tumble hard. Im irritable and feel like a bad person. Im a very visual person an see myself in colours. When I am like this I am alarmingly bright red. My fiends and co workers think incredibly high of me, and i them. However they have no idea of this side of me. I seem to be either up or down there is no middle ground. I cuddle my children a the time an tell them how much I love them. Drives them crazy sometimes.

I feel like I am never satisfied and always fire fighting and forgetting to enjoy my life -

[Hidden in reply to stucksue]

Hello

I hope you are feeling a little more content today

Reading your reply & about moving it sounds like you feel running away making a move will fix the problem but I have found no matter where we live or go if we have not resolved the problems we just take them with us & we need to stop running , deal with the issues as we can't run away for ever

Have you ever thought about maybe getting some support for your daughter ?

She may benefit by talking to someone that is not personally involved , I know ids may feel like they are betraying their parents if they say anything negative about them but some one independent she may be able to open up to what is going of inside her head resulting in her behaviour but please don't see this as you have failed her in anyway , she may underneath all her bravado be a sensitive soul like her mother is & that is why you are searching for someone or something to make you feel whole as a person but we have to learn & sometimes need support doing so to love ourselves & not depend on others to make us feel worthy of been loved as people can let us down as you well know & then we are left in pieces like you feel at the moment

It sounds like you do what I did for years & to the outside world maybe to try & protect myself or maybe afraid people would not like me if they knew the real me I would put my mask on to the outside world what I thought they wanted me to be or what they wanted to see , all it ever did was cause me more pain as acting like everything was ok when deep inside I was screaming for support & help was such hard work & when you open up to people it can be amazing how much support & understanding they will give to you , not all but some will & do

Have you any friends or work colleagues you could confide in , accepting yourself for who you are flaws & all can be a great place to start making changes x

[Lizbett]

Hi. I've just read your previous posts. You have far TOO much to contend with on your own. Please, find yourself a good psychologist to help you unravel each and every issue so that they can be dealt with one at a time. I'm serious when I suggest this, because reading all your posts was somewhat overwhelming. This is why I strongly urge you to seek a well established and known psychologist. There is NO way you can deal with all the issues on your own. One issue at a time, k?

You say you have two children. How old is the second one? Old enough to positively influence your daughter? Your daughter is reacting to a number of things. As her mum, you need to find out what those things are. Are there positive times when the two of you can have a heart to heart talk? I'm not going to pretend I know what's going on with her because I don't. Alternatively, if she won't speak you, is there a family member she can talk to? The other option is sending her to a child psychologist. Family therapy might work too.

I'm sooooo sorry you're going through all this. It would be great if a family member could visit for a while, in order to give you both a break. PLEASE seek a psychologist for yourself so that this whole thing can be unpacked. Check at school and find out if there are any problems there. Speak with your child when you sense the time is right. Don't get angry or wound up. Stay CALM and gently ask her what's going on. Come to a solution - together. Please, please, please don't drink. Alcoholism is the last thing you need, believe me, I know. I sincerely wish you the absolute best!

[stucksue in reply to Lizbett]

Hello sorry it's taking me so long to get back to you. Yes I have spoken to the school previously, they say she is ok in school as do my friends and family when she visits she tends to be a nightmare with just me. I have true speaking to my daughter and she says he has to protect me which I understand due to a certain situation she witnessed with me and her dad. But it's almost like that love she has turned into hate. She is cheeky, oh my god she is cheeky!!! I don't hit my kids but Jesus she pushes me so far sometimes i fear I would do something I would regret eternally. It's really hard to cope with someone like my daughter who is an angel on the outside and to me she doesn't give a shit what she says or does. Her dad is home today and I said she will go and stay with him . I will be sad now for the next week but it maybe will help her calm down!!

[Lizbett in reply to stucksue]

Wise decision that she'll spend some time with her Dad. You need some respite and you also need to take care of yourself. Make it a regular thing if you ca... For both your sakes. There's clearly something going on with her when it comes to you personally. Do whatever it takes to find out what the problem is because your anxiety WILL escalate and we can't have that.

And please, find a good psychologist to help you. Preferably one who specialises in psychotherapy. What's going on CAN be solved. It just needs commitment from you and time. BTW, when your child gives you a hard time, try not to react for a little while and see how she reacts to you not reacting. And finally, please don't beat yourself up coz you sound like a great Mum. Please keep me posted. Also, feel free to message me privately any time you lile. I'll do all I can to assist in the strictest of confidence ... even if it's just quietly listening. Best wishes, Elizabeth xo