Hi There

[cec1900]

Hi, this is my first time on here. Ive never done anything like this before, but I’ve been reflecting on my anxiety and panic disorder a lot. I’m really having a hard time (harder than usual recently). As I’m sure so many of you can relate to, anxiety is such a consuming and, at times, debilitating part of my life. It unfortunately shapes a lot of who I am and how I act.

Anxiety and panic prevent me from doing a lot. Sometimes it prevents me from speaking up for myself. For years and still at times it prevented me from being my true self and living my truth. Most days, it prevents me from leaving my room. Anxiety and the thoughts behind it take up so much time and space out of each and every part of my day. From the minute I wake up until the second right before I fall asleep, I am battling physical and mental anxiety whether someone around me knows it or not. Each day is an inner war between my thoughts and my mind and my body. Each day I battle worries and fears, ranging from “that person will never like me” to “I’m worried I’m going to die today”.

In trying to describe anxiety to myself and a few others, I’ve expressed how lonely of an illness it can be. As others have bravely mentioned in other posts I’ve been reading, it’s not an illness that other people can always see. It’s one that sometimes brings us to the doctors with awful symptoms without anything diagnosable and we leave feeling “crazy” or that we are making it up or it’s in our heads. If you are like me, you blame yourself for bringing it upon yourself. It makes us sometimes believe our symptoms are not valid or real.

Along with that, people cant always understand, even when they try. It’s not always their fault for not being able to understand. My anxiety has brought on a lot of pain in my life. It has also taught me a lot. When people look at someone who struggles with severe anxiety, they might not see the fighters we are and have to be if we want to keep going. I know most days I would never even come close to calling myself a fighter. Most days I talk down to myself more than anyone else possibly could. But I’m here today to say I’m a warrior because I made it this far in life battling this everyday. Many moments in my life were attempts to give up and give in to the illness. I read a great quote today that said something along the lines of...What was the point of working so hard and to have kept fighting in the past just to give up now. Things like that keep me motivated.

The earliest memory I have of my first panic attack was at age 10/11. I was sitting on my blue couch in the living room watching tv and my grand pop was over. I couldn’t describe to anyone I didn’t feel like I could breathe. I suffered silently and felt an unimaginable amount of fear. I was too young to even understand it. I remember feeling like I was going to die and my heart might stop. That was what led to most nights me awake worrying about my heart stopping. To this day, I take sleeping meds to be able to sleep.

It really comes full circle to my day today. I had one of the worst panic attacks I can think off. I felt pure fear. So when I say it’s a lonely illness, I should also mention that it’s a lifetime illness. However, with coping tools, resources, support, therapy, medication, there is and can be hope of course.

So, I guess coming on here and sharing a little bit of my story is my way of trying to make my anxiety disorder a little bit less lonely. Sending good vibes to everyone.

I hope you all know you (we) are warriors fighting day in and day out.

Thanks for listening. Keep fighting.

🤙🏻

[Agora1]

Hi cec1900, Welcome to this great forum of support. Thank you for your amazing

post. You described precisely what we all have felt and gone through struggling with

Anxiety. It is an invisible wearing disorder. It can leave us feeling so alone. This site

can help all of us take that step forward knowing we are surrounded by others who

know and care in what it's like.

It doesn't have to be a lifetime issue. You are right in that finding what works for

us in helping lower our expectations can lower our anxious thoughts as well.

The Mind/Body Connection is powerful but correcting the negative thoughts to

positive can achieve the peace we are looking for.

A great book was written by Dr. Claire Weekes' "Hope & Help for Your Nerves".

It describes us to a "T" and shows us that "acceptance" of anxiety and not fighting

it is the "Key" to success. I'm glad you are here with us, as we learn from each other's

experiences and journey. Come take our hand, you are no longer alone xx

[HiAnxiety]

Hi there, it was my first day here too yesterday and your post really spoke to me so thank you. It was as if you had taken words out of my mouth at times and that means we are not alone in this. This community seems so lovely, supportive and kind which makes a change to most places online, it feels like a safe place.

Sending hugs and calm wishes to you and each one of you reading this. We can fight this.

[Sunnidayz1]

Welcome to this great community! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Even though it might seem like u r the only sufferer of this you are not. Millions of people suffer from anxiety and depression so please dont beat yourself up, you're not alone. Just bc you have these feelings and thoughts does not mean you're crazy. Ok? Believe that. Feel that. Remember you are courageous to be on this site, to post and admit to yourself that this situation is something you have to take some action on...so kudos to you. It really is an accomplishment. Take this one step and one day at a time. If you put the time and work to heal you can do it. This is totally cureable w a little tlc. Good luck to you. We are always here to listen & help💗

[Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Welcome and you found a place of healing and reflection! we're glad you're here