SomewhatAnxious

[lorianxiety]

hi, im going to be brief and hope that you good people are doing ok today and maybe respond if you can.Although this is my second year with Hu. im so happy I can relate as life can be very difficult without a bit of understanding and friendly chat.Im in a much better place than what I was ,and its slow in moving forward especially when the best half of my life has been plagued with lack of communication and inferiority and a mild personality disorder ,which im now able to understand myself better as I come from a dysfunctional family all up in years...…..without going into too many details .my present problem is I have started to improve my small flat,this is a major step forward as its not been decorated etd for at least 30yrs-i would feel better about myself if I had a decent Gp who is very dismissive of anxiety ect. and has been weaning me off a 35yrs diazepam --I now have to ask over the phone of which I dread ,been on Kalms byt im still quite stressed have some physical symptoms----there are times when I wish I want here especially after the depressing 2yrs of fighting or trying to get on top of my negativity,which can be a vicious circle.and getting nowhere ,losing my wee cat in March and trying to get involved fending off my disrepective sisters ect.------sorry I just need someone who can identify with people who are not being listened to ----im dreading winter and im sorry this seems long-winded and my point is I want to join things but weather and clock is dominating my thoughts ,as well as being told by Gp that's it no more diazepam----sorry if this is unclear,should haveleft it until later(night!when im less anxious.

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[Mary-intussuception]

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[lillyofthevalley37]

I would think after 35 years on diazipam you should be tapered off very very gradually

Decorating your flat sounds like a good idea

[Funkyfaerie]

Hi Lorianxiety,

I have read a lot of your replies to other people, and you seem so understanding and helpful. And I think when we put across our own feelings and symptoms it can actually help put peoples minds at rest.

So I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have suffered on and off all my life, and also come from a very dysfunctional family! I won't go into all my symptoms (read my posts if you want to) because it's too long. But I believe it's all comes from things I have had to cope with in life, and I have let my family affect me. In the past if something flared up with them I would get an instant headache and tension in my neck, and clench my jaw. Unfortunately for me this has become a learned reaction to a lot of things now and suffer with terrible muscle tension and pain. I too am on 2mg diazepam when I need it for about a year and I also have to phone up for it, I get so nervous about asking.

I also am dreading the winter, I already feel depressed about these gloomy days and all this rain, everything seems so miserable, I take it you are in the UK?

And finally I think decorating your flat is an absolutely fantastic idea. I started decorating some rooms in my house once years ago after going through a depressing time, and a friend at work said to me " I don't know why you are doing that, it won't change your life!"

But do you know, it did... Every little thing I did to change my surroundings, changing the rooms around, painting using different colours being bold with them, clearing clutter, ornaments, chucking out clothes! It's good therapy, it clears your mind and at the same makes you feel good, free. And then I had room to buy a few new things.

So go ahead and decorate, I often have clear outs and it still makes me feel better.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say, as I have rambled on a bit.

Best Wishes

[lorianxiety in reply to Funkyfaerie]

Hi Funkyfaerie,I was delighted to receive your kind words and to learn that you too dread the dark nights and winter ahead;yes;im in bonnie Scotland and I have just read over your other posts. I cant tell you how pleased I am to return to a semblance of the real me ,Anxiety has subsided quite a bit ,and though stress levels are somewhat borderline ,everything is beginning to pickup,;yes,ive got rid off a few items and have decided I cant risk straining myself ect,as im not so agile or adept at tackling things .so im going to try for a painter though most you have to wait a month or so before they can start which is a nuisance as I want this livingroom shipshape for xmas……..IM also pleased that you have the same idea in clearing clutter ect and buying new things it does boost you both mentally and physically.Yes,its terrible that you too have to feel guilty and tense about diazepam....you would think it was the Gp that's on them they are so reluctant.instead of congratulating you on how well you manage the bloody tablets----its incredible their lack of empathy .not like the gps on channel 5 ,have you watched it?Well done on taking a holiday alone,something I haven't done since I was younger,I don't drive so everything would be a bit of an ordeal.....sorry you were hyperventilating ,that to me is one of the worst things that's ever happened in the 80's on at least 3 occasions---very frightening indeed,should have a paper bag handy,its an obsession with me or was,its lessened considerably since the anxiety is under control.I can only sympathise with your fibromalygia as ive never experienced before.though I do get sharp needle like pains in my body and know its stress something I hadn't ever been aware of before--------family,well I give up on them and im determined to get strong as I I once was ,in control and quietly confident in my own judgement.im hoping you have had a good day,message anytime,im always there.Lorettax