Worst iv been for ages :(

So I decided to go for a quick walk round the block to get my little girl and myself out in the fresh air! Resulted in me having a panic, ending in me ringing my sister and reducing me to tears!!! I'm home now and feel exhausted! Anxiety attacks or panic attacks just drain me of my energy does anyone else find this? Now I jus feel stupid and embarrassed that I couldn't do this simplist task that shouldn't have been an issue! How is this happening? Iv had anxiety years and yes there are alot of things I am unable to do but there was alot I did and I was happy, now I seem to be unable to do nothing and feel unhappy! I used to walk up the town which is about 15min walk, I used to love it!the idea of that now is unthinkable especially if a simple walk round like the block proved an issue!!!i feel like my life is jus falling Apart and Im not being the mum i wanted to be for my little girl! I want to be able to take her places and be okay!!! Sorry I know Im ranting I just needed to get it off my chest!!! I have a cbt session over the phone this evening. Iv got to be honest Im on my fourth session and if anything feel worse but hoping if I persevere it can only get better!!! X

15 Replies

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  • hi scooby ,first thing is ive got 2 say snap ! ive just been 4 a walk 4 the first time in 6 days only stayed out 4 alittle as i knew my anxiety would stsrt which it did ,first thing is ur not stupid thing is at least u tried and thats a big step ,i know how disappointed in urself u feel as i have 2 small girls that i love dearly but because of my anxiety i find it hard 2 play with them or take them anywhere ,so ur not alone there !! i think wiv the C.B.T it works a little like that ,worse at first but then gets better the more u do it !!! im just waiting 2 start mine and im very anxious about it !!! i know it must seem confussing 2 have been able 2 do things but now u find it hard or cant ,im the same ,i used 2 b outgoing and used 2 love life now i just find the pressure of doing the simplist things a strain !!! i get irritable ,stressed ,anxious ,frustrated and angry at myself !!! more ashamed because i cant do things i should b able 2 !!! i know u prob think 2 urself that ur no good but that is rubbish its those negative thoughts that cause the anxiety 2 worsen just b kinder 2 urself !!! one thing i know is life is hard at the best of times but if we stick 2gether we can help each other through this !! if ur ever in a rut and need someone 2 talk 2 just message me im on here quiet alot most days ,i also understand ur exusted as this happens 2 me 2 !!!

  • Thanks for replying lonestar! Everything you have said mAkes complete sense to me! I can really relate to it!!! I love my little girl too, she means more to me than anything, I jus can't do the things I should be able to and that is one of the worst feelings to have as her mum, I feel such a let down and I jus don't want it to get worse!!! Anxiety is just awful isn't it? I find it hard to get my head round the fact you can change your thoughts and behaviour when it feels like you have no control over them!! I sometimes recently just feel like I'm loosing my mind :( x I really hope cbt works for you, I think you're probably right you've got to hit alow and feel worse before you can feel better!!!i will def message you x do you mind if I ask how old you are and how old your children are? X

  • what u need like most of us on here is positive support !! ive just been through some bad days just lately and with out the support of people on here i would have felt so alone ,it makes such a diffrence when u know u arent alone and other people r going through the same !!!

  • no probs im 34 ive had bad anxiety Since i was about 7 so its been along time some days r good most not so good !! anxiety is def hard 2 deal with as people dont know unless u tell them ,and telling them is the hardest because u feel they wont understand u or judge u !! my 2 little girls r 3 and a half and my youngest is nearly 2 !!! feel free 2 message me anytime X

  • hello you two, I think you boteh can relate to each other, very good and you can help each other as you have very similar problems. lonestar I already know what you are going through, Scooby I am sorry that this happened, please don't use it as an excuse for not leaving the house next time, don't think about it. if it happened to you today doesn't mean it will happen again tomorrow, if you think that you will have anxiety when you go out with your daughter it will happen, but if you don't think about it you will manage. with anxiety you can't look backwards, always look for the future, don't think about waht happened to you last night or the day before, leave it as it goes, try few steps every day and then you will be able to make it in a week time, don't panic and don't feed your anxiety your thoughts, you have to starve it to go away (don't know if I am making any sense) I found myslef better when I am busy, like my mind is busy, but when I am bored and got nothing to do anxiety hits cz I am thinking about it.

    we all here for each other

    xx

  • Hi rouri that's definitely makes sense, have to try and move on treat each day as a new one, holding on to what happened during an attack only makes things worse however I find it very difficult to do that!!!

  • hi rouri ,yep can def relate 2 scooby1234 and what u say i agree wiv !!! the main thing is we r not alone which is why this site is so good because u realise ur not alone ,again thank u 4 the kind words the other day and am trying 2 look 4ward ,rarther than bk !! hope ur doing ok : )

  • am ok lonestar :) at work but thought I will have a look to see how all are doing :) you all give me hope as well, problem is that our partners would not understand what we are going through, very sad but can't blame them. I don't wish anxiety on anyone, but no one knows how it feels like until they go through it.

    I am happy liek you feeling not alone and between nice people who understands, all very sensitve nice people :)

  • yes a safe place ,i agree what u say about partners !!! unless u wear the shoes u dont know if u understand what im saying ,glad ur ok !! : )

  • Hi Scooby,

    I know it's very difficult but try to remember the positives about the situation. At least you are actually going out for a walk and even if it results in a panic attack, remember that you faced your fear and managed to go out instead of staying inside the house! I remember when I used to stay in the house all the time and was too scared to go out but you've managed to do that now! And I'm sure you are a great mother, the fact you took your little girl for a walk shows you care and like to spend time with her. Some mothers in this world are never even seen with their children! Think of your little girl as an amazing gift because some people can't have children and you have been given a beautiful gift!

    Take care and good luck

    gcyorks

  • Hi scooby1234, stop being so hard on yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! you tried and thats what counts the most. i know how tough it is. i recently went to my local shops on my own and felt stupid for feeling proud after, i felt kind of free even though i was anxious i maintained it. im not saying once you have done it once then all is cured cos thats not the case, i have days where i make progress and cant do it again over the following days. start by walking within a distance where you can still see your house and take a bit further as you feel more confident. its a tough journey fighting this so stop beating yourself up, it will help you relax and accept the situation instead of getting angry over it. your little girl wont love you any less for not being able to do some things, she just knows that your her mummy and that your the best!!!!! x

  • sorry now im rabbiting on.........feeling so exhuasted after a panic/anxiety attack i know is sooooo tiering but let your self recover and try again when you feel its right.

  • Hi sam, thank you so much!! :) i jus find it overwhelming and so silly when I cant do what I consider the simplest things!!!i get so annoyed with myself, it has also left me feeling drained and almost drunk like today, I have felt distanced from everything and not myself at all!!! Well done for trying to take steps yourself, sounds like you're doing well and making real progress :) you should be very proud its not stupid!!! X

  • Hi Scooby

    I know how terryfing is a panick attack and I m sorry it happened just going around the block.but I have to say you ve been very brave,you tryed it!and this is the most important thing!and remember it s not your fault if you having this issues,your daughter will forgive you!!and you should do the same!!keep trying and keep going.hugs

  • Thanks Train80, I will try!! How are you doing? x

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