Hi, I just need a place to vent.
I've recently been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety with mild depression. (Have anxiety since I was young but was undiagnosed) For the past few weeks, I cry a lot even if there is no trigger. I just feel sad about myself for having constant anxiety and worry. Nobody in school seems to understand about my condition. I'm in polytechnic and my GPA is perfect. But now in this semester I feel that I can't balance anything. I'm always stucked with doing the same assignment and I can't move on. I want everything that I write to be perfect and to get that A grade. My counsellor, parents and teachers have always advised me that grades aint everything and there was no need to produce A quality assignments. To me, grades are my pride and everything. I don't have much friends, so nothing to be proud of. Outside of academics, I don't have anything to my name. In Singapore, where grades are everything, I just cannnot rest on my laurels. Every single assignment must be an A grade or else you cannot go to university. But no one seems to understand the dilemma and hardship that I'm going through. I'm always worried about grades and assignments and my social anxiety. I'm always on the brink of breaking into a panic attack in social settings and I feel that I'm walking on a thin thread of line, I can always fall anytime. Next week is my exam and I'm not ready for it. I need a lot of energy to memorise facts and I will always do it over and over again so that I get that sense of security. I'm thinking of quitting school but the problem is I won't have a diploma. Life really sucks big time and these few weeks I feel that my energy has been sucked out of me. My muscle aches, getting frontal headaches and my body is trembling. I didn't want to take any of my medications because they cause me to be even more tired and I can't focus. I just wanna quit.