GAD, Social Anxiety and OCD is killing me

[ryanyeo188]

Hi, I just need a place to vent.

I've recently been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety with mild depression. (Have anxiety since I was young but was undiagnosed) For the past few weeks, I cry a lot even if there is no trigger. I just feel sad about myself for having constant anxiety and worry. Nobody in school seems to understand about my condition. I'm in polytechnic and my GPA is perfect. But now in this semester I feel that I can't balance anything. I'm always stucked with doing the same assignment and I can't move on. I want everything that I write to be perfect and to get that A grade. My counsellor, parents and teachers have always advised me that grades aint everything and there was no need to produce A quality assignments. To me, grades are my pride and everything. I don't have much friends, so nothing to be proud of. Outside of academics, I don't have anything to my name. In Singapore, where grades are everything, I just cannnot rest on my laurels. Every single assignment must be an A grade or else you cannot go to university. But no one seems to understand the dilemma and hardship that I'm going through. I'm always worried about grades and assignments and my social anxiety. I'm always on the brink of breaking into a panic attack in social settings and I feel that I'm walking on a thin thread of line, I can always fall anytime. Next week is my exam and I'm not ready for it. I need a lot of energy to memorise facts and I will always do it over and over again so that I get that sense of security. I'm thinking of quitting school but the problem is I won't have a diploma. Life really sucks big time and these few weeks I feel that my energy has been sucked out of me. My muscle aches, getting frontal headaches and my body is trembling. I didn't want to take any of my medications because they cause me to be even more tired and I can't focus. I just wanna quit.

[meme28]

Don’t quit and I understand your concern regarding medication. I too have not taken medication for my GAD but I wish I could find some relief. I don’t know how it feels to have social anxiety but I do know how it feels to have anxiety over grades. As much as we would like to hear the magical treatment to help us, we have to try different methods and techniques to get us to better days. I personally do a small routine which is kinda turning into OCD but whenever I feel a panic attack coming and I’m near a sink or tub, I go run warm water on my hands or feet. I close my eyes and pray and talk myself through it. Not saying that would work for you but hey maybe it can give you ideas on what may work for you. I have faith that we will get through this!

[1uglychild]

Hi,

You sound a lot like me. I’m in my 40s now, but my anxiety started when I was very young. I spent my youth full of anxiety but I was undiagnosed until I was in college and ended up in the emergency room with a panic attack. I remember how hard it was to manage classwork while suffering from anxiety.

You have to remember that there is help for this disorder. 20+ years later I’m doing fine! My anxiety, depression, and OCD respond well to anti depressants and I’ve never had any problems taking them, nor do most people. However I believe you can have equal success with a combination of mindfulness living and therapy. The only reason medicine seems more preferable in your current situation is because it works quicker, and takes much less mental effort than the therapy route (since you are currently busy with school).

I know that you have social anxiety so that makes talking to people somewhat difficult, but I would try to talk to a university advisor. They may give you a short leave of absence or a lighter course schedule, giving you time to begin to manage your symptoms. I don’t think you need to leave school altogether, and at a later point in your life when your mental health is better, you’d most likely really regret dropping out.

Also you should feel very proud that you’ve managed to maintain your gpa and studies while under the anxiety you’ve been suffering. That’s not easy to do! Try thinking of that and how you’ve succeeded in the past and not let anxiety defeat you. Try remembering how strong you are and will continue to succeed, don’t focus on fear of failure.

[ryanyeo188 in reply to 1uglychild]

OMG thank you for your kind words of encouragement! You really understood what I'm going thru! Anxiety is really hard to deal with and the more I think about it, the worse it gets. You are right when you say the therapy route takes much more effort on my part because negativity keeps on hitting me and whenever I try to stand up, I get hit by another wave of negativity. My parents do not want me to take medications because they feel that I might be too reliant on it and the side-effects are not good in the long run. My doctor has prescribed me Proponol, Deanxit and Apo Alpraz. He suggested that I be put on antidepressents in the future. What were your experiences taking these medications? How do you cope with the side-effects?

[1uglychild in reply to ryanyeo188]

Hi, I know a lot of people are afraid of medicines because they aren’t well understood by a lot of the public, and can be scary when you look at the side effects. I have never taken any of the drugs you have been proscribed, I’ve only taken SSRI class drugs (Prozac and lexapro). And they have worked really well for me. I’ve also taken them for many years and the side effects are always short term, lasting maybe 3-4 months maximum. I think Proponal is a very common one people take in this group. You might want to put up a message here about those drugs and anyone taking them will usually reply with a helpful answer. Talk to your doctor about your fears and hopefully they can give you honest answers that put your mind at rest. If you choose anti depressants (SSRI drugs), the worst side effect is for me an increase in anxiety that lasts maybe 2 weeks until you start feeling better. Not enjoyable but worth the difficulty in the long run.

This is one thing that always helps me, try to remember anxiety isn’t you, it’s an external force and it wants to make you afraid of things that you really don’t need to be. It’s like the bad friend that tries to get you to do things that are bad for you. Every time you get an anxious or obsessive thought, recognize that it’s not reality and it’s just anxiety, and then let it go, don’t think about it anymore than you have to. You are smart and you know what is true and what’s not, so recognize anxiety when it’s talking to you. When you can say “this is anxiety and only fear”, then you can start you’re fight against it.

I have a little social anxiety too, I know opening up to others is hard. But keep talking to people here, many have had the same troubles as you and are your friends. We want to help you!

[laruecharles]

Psych drugs are like playing Russian Roulette. Sooner or later they are going to backfire. You must kick the medicine before you can heal. Try fasting, supplements, anything that will replace the medicine. Did you know that prescription medicine is now the number one killer in the US? That's right. Doctors using drugs have become a national menace. Using medicine is like clipping the wires on the engine warning light so that the light doesn't show. It leaves the underlying engine problem untouched while it gets worse until it can't be corrected or suppressed any longer.

[APOR2017]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. Getting somewhere quiet and praying always helps me. You sound like you are a real fighter. I am proud of you for all the great things you are tackling. I am praying for you. Big hugs - I believe in you!!