Social Anxiety?

Hi everyone,

I've just had an appointment to assess my anxiety in social situation even though I'm not sure if I'm just shy..they told me could be social anxiety.

I was asked about feelings of embarassment a lot. I'm not sure what does that mean exactly? Does have to be something like "I'm embarassed I coud do something stupid/embarassing or can be a general feeling of being umcomfortable around people?

I know some people have a huge fear af feeling embarassed/judged/ ridicolous..I just avoid social situations because I don't know what to say or starting/continuing a conversation (is that a feeling of being embarassed?)..I mean I can eat in front of other people and i don't get very physically sick.

I have the fear of talking on the phone tough and I cannot sing in front of people (not even my partner or parents).

I just don't go to any place where I could meet new people or if I don't know those people very well but I thought it could be because they are not my type of people or I don't have much in common. I basically don't have any topic and when I have after a while I just block because my mind gets blank and I don't have any ideas about what i could say. So I just stay quiet and cause people have noticed in the past now I avoid any situation in which that could happen. I just don't want make people bored by me.

i really hate small talk and having to think of what to say or ask or for example sometimes I feel like I'm being too kind to people and I feel like I will look insicure or incompetent by smiling too much.

What are your thoughts and feeling? I've being shy all my life I didn't know there was such a thing as social anxiety..

Sorry about the second post but I thought I had to do a separate post to introduce myself first.

Thank you everyone for reading.

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25 Replies

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  • Do you feel embarrassed when chatting on here with someone or is it just if you are face to face with people?

  • Hi Jimtom,

    no I don't feel embarassed chatting just face to face or over the phone. Like I know here I could leave anytime when I don't know what to say anymore and not feeling embarassed or forced to talk.

  • Well I used to be exactly the same, I'm still bad with chatting on the phone but I can chat away no problem on the net.

    I never attached it to social anxiety, I just always found it hard to think of what to say, plus I always thought I had to say something if I was in someone's company which made it worse.

    I just put it down to me being a quiet person and accepted that it's a part of my personality and now I'm not so bad with it.

    I suppose accepting it made it easier.

  • It makes sense what you say. For me was never a problem being shy or quiet, I'm quiet since I can remember. But one day people started to make me notice that, making comments about me not talking and I became so embarassed and I'm not someone who care a lot of other's people opinion but that made me so self-conscious..

    well it's good you accepted who you are, there's really nothing wrong with being quiet. I personally find that sometimes quiet people notice details no one alse can see and most of them are beautifully sensitive.

  • I'm the same as you, have always been quiet and years ago people started to make notice it too. It did bother me then but like you I'm not one to take other people's opinions seriously so I decided that their opinions didn't matter to me, it like I decided that their opinions were not any of my business. The funny thing though the people with the opinions didn't know me as well as other people did, when I do get to know a person I can talk no problem to them.

    You know since I decided that their opinions were none of my business I have become much happier.

    One thing that puzzles me though is why do I find it so easy to talk to someone on here just like I am doing to you now.

    But anyway, just remember your personality is what makes you a quiet person it's not social anxiety, well I don't think it is anyway.

  • Ps, you are right about quiet people noticing more detail, quiet people are observers, watchers, they take a lot in, if you do get to know one enough for them to talk openly to you, you will find a very interesting person.

  • I feel like this, I have social anxiety. I don't really like to go out and socialise for exactly the same reasons. I get a bit bored of small talk and probably wouldn't enjoy the conversation and it would get boring and wouldn't work out. I'm not really scared of people, but large gatherings scare me. I would just sit to the side or try to figure out how to leave early. Apparently you can learn how to deal with social situations', but I just tend to avoid them. It just makes life easier.

  • Is it really social anxiety or is it just you that you don't have an outgoing personality? You might just be an introvert.

  • No its definitely social anxiety as it causes me stress. I'm not an introvert at all. I always speak out. But just can't do social situations.

  • You are ok on here though?

  • I feel the same way, if I know someone I don't know is invited to my house I start thinking about it and get scared. I start thinking about the conversation we could have, what I could say, but in my head scenario something always goes wrong. I imagine I will feel awkward or i just will not know what to say after a while. Now i m avoiding everything involving conversations cause it's a relief but i m ending up feeling lonely.

  • I'm same with people I don't know coming to my house, but you know something, I have asked other people about this and they are the same and they don't have anxiety it's just a normal thing. Someone you don't know is coming into your comfort zone.

  • Could be, but my friends don't avoid inviting because of the fear..I just wish i could stop avoiding things. Yes, many people don't like inviting but can go out once in a while. I barely can see my close friends..acquitances are out of the pictures right now..u know what i mean..just feeling pretty lonely

  • Do you know why this all started for you?

    Was it something that triggered it off, or did it just slowly happen over time?

    I hope coming onto here takes away the loneliness a little.

  • Thank you for the kind words Jimtom. You are very nice. I love this website and I come here often, I think it helps taking a bit of the loneliness away, and i feel it's precious in those moments when you need a bit of support. Not always it's easy to find it in your everydaylife.

    Well, i ve always been picked up since when i was a kid, so pretty sensitive to criticism and easy to embarrassmaybe. But things got worse for me when in groups people made comments about me not saying much or even those situations when I felt excluded or didn't know what to say, all of that made me more self conscious of being less able to socialize if that make sense..

    Something that for me was ok like being quiet or shy became over time fear of feeling embarrassed or excluded when being in a group..

    Well, i read something about quiet people needing more time alone to " recharge". Maybe what you say about wanting people to leave early makes sense. i don't if that is what u feel too, but apparently quiet/ introverted people get more drained by people than extroverts.

  • Thank you kessa.

    It is a good weekend website, I do enjoy it though sometimes I get frustrated with some of the things on it. But sure that is life. It is nice to able to meet people on here who are in the same boat as me.

    I was the same I'm groups, I didn't like being told I was to quiet or boring, I just learned to ignore it and it didn't bother me after a while.

    You could be right about needing to recharge, for some people company can be a bit draining. I like having time to myself because there are some things I like to do alone, maybe like you said it's me just recharging myself.

    I hope you are having a good day today.

  • Yes I get a bit lonely too, I'm trying to get it sorted out, I'm going for counselling to try and get stronger at social situations, so who knows. I suppose long term the people who understand will become friends, not many people understand though.

  • That is good. I' m glad you decided to do some counselling..Well I think you will become stronger :) how do feel about starting couselling?

    Yes, i agree that not many people understand..when i went to my appointment some people told me i was just shy and not to worry about it. But for me it's a bit more complicated than that. I can't just tell myself to stop worrying.

  • I felt a bit of a failure to start with but now I'm starting to get more confidence about the counselling, I'm sure it will get better as I actually want it to work. That's half the battle. I'm never going to be massively social but I over think everything, even going to the shops. It would be nice just to enjoy things and stop worrying.

  • Another thing that bothers me is let alone people coming in your comfort zone but worring since I know someone is coming is just the worst..i will start rehearse conversations 2 weeks before the event..people i know don't do it..i don't know but this makes me feel so stressed out..

  • I get it like that sometimes too, I wonder if people are going to call what will I talk about, do with them or entertain them etc etc.

    When they do arrive sometimes I can't wait for them to leave again. It's worse if they are staying over!

  • Jimtom, staying over?? You are brave :)

  • Yes some people do stay from time to time, not often but it happens.

    I don't think it is anxiety though it's just my personality.

  • People staying over if i don't know them it's just a nightmare:) but lately a friend of mine ( who I don't know well though) stayed over and was actually a good experience. Maybe because he takes time for himself so the sharing time was not so long and everyone had more things to tell.

  • I know what you mean, sometimes it is ok if I can think of things to do with them but if not I don't like it. ☺

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