Anxiety And Depression, Feel Like Giving Up :(

Hi everyone, sorry I'm such a downer but I really feel like I need to get this off my chest and just need someone to listen. I've been feeling really depressed lately. I have severe anxiety, panic, obsessional thoughts, and ptsd. I also suffer from derealization and depression. This all happened after something traumatic happened to one of my family members and shocked everyone. Over the years I have been getting proggresively worse and last year, I hit rock bottom (i hope, because I cant handle anything lower than this). The anxiety and depression are constant. I have issues with physical symptoms (constant nausea, headaches, random pains, etc) and can barely bring myself out of the house. I pretty much panic in every situation I'm in. I don't have the motivation to do anything and I constantly feel like I'm losing my mind (my worst fear). Anyway, ontop of all this, my big issue at the moment is my social anxiety. I've been painfully shy since I was a little kid. I never really had many friends (usually 1 or 2) and I find it really, REALLY hard to be in social situations. I just returned to school at the beginning of September (I'm in grade 12 now) and its been brutal. I literally have no friends at all... I'm always by myself and I feel really depressed at school because no one talks to me. I've always gotten straight a's but its becoming increasingly difficult to focus, concentrate, and remember things. I barely remember anything because I'm so anxious these days. My not eating as much as I should (due to constant nausea) probably contributes to the memory issues too. Plus i barely sleep because I'm always so tense and on edge. I cant find the motivation to do my homework either. I have to get good grades this year because they matter for university next year. I can't remember the last time I felt happiness. I'm so self conscious that Im embarrased to be in public because I dont want people to see my gross face. I never EVER leave the house without makeup on. No matter how many people tell me I'm pretty (which family and random strangers often do), I think theyre lying or just saying it to be nice. I think I'm so ugly and I hate myself. I've never been in a relationship (which leads me to think I'm ugly and I have no friends). The friends I do have at school are not considered "friends" to me. They're just hi and bye kinda friends where we only talk about basic things like the weather. The one best friend I've had my whole life goes to a different school and got involved with drugs and stuff (which I am completely against). She's a different person now and I realized that she only uses me so we don't talk. Now I'm completely alone. It feels hard to connect with people when the only thing I can focus on is my anxiety and I'm barely there mentally. It feels like I'm hiding a huge secret (my anxiety) but I don't trust to tell people because I feel like they'll judge me. I just feel so lonely and people say highschool is supposed to be the best years where you make memories and the most interesting memory I have is one party that I went to back in grade 9 where I was so awkward and anxious. I would never be able to be in that atmosphere now without running out in panic. I feel like everyone looks at me like I'm ugly and that they all think I'm weird or a loner. I'm very introverted, shy, and awkward. I never know what to say or where to put my hands and I worry that theres something on my face or in my teeth or that people judge me. I feel so low, ugly, weird, and like I don't fit in. I would be so grateful to even have just one good friend. And its my 17th birthday in about a week but I don't have any friends to celebrate with.... The only person I love and trust is my mom, she is the only one who truly cares for me. But due to family issues (lots of family issues that I believe my problems stem from, but I'm too scared to tell a therapist or share) we've been going through I feel so guilty and she's so stressed out and I hate making her sad with all my issues. She's not working, right now and that makes me anxious. I just want her to be happy. So anyway, my life is a disaster. I dont feel happy at home, I dont feel happy out, and I feel stuck. Especially with my derealization/depersonalization. It feels like life is not worth living. I feel so worthless, hopeless, helpless, and like nothing will ever be okay. Just when I think things cant get worse, they do. I've tried speaking to a therapist (didnt work because I didnt open up fully), Ive tried an antidepressant (that did not really help) and I dont know what else to do. Im scared and sad. I need something to bring me out of this tortorous life. My heart literally physically aches from the amount of emotional pain I feel. :(


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28 Replies

  • Dear Tat

    Oh my dear, you are having to deal with so much in your young life, I do understand some of your issues and have had them myself, not as young as 17 though!.

    You definetely need professional help. I hope you are brave enough to return to your Dr and take a copy of your post with you if possible, you don't have to say anything to him/her then, I promise you can feel better.

    Although you have taken medication I wonder how long for and when, also why did you stop? You may have felt it wasn't working for you but, along with proper therapy, I promise you can start to lift yourself from this dark place.

    You can overcome all of these difficulties with help in time, and I urge you to go back to your Dr as soon as possible, get yourself on the road to recovery and try to be positive about your future, you are such a bright pupil and you deserve a life free from pain and anxiety.

    Also, your mum will want to know how you are feeling deep inside, she would be so upset that you were too concerned about telling her how you feel, as you felt she had too much stress of her own to bear. You must speak with her and you can both share the load, also it would help if you could see a therapist together for support of one another.

    Always look to the future where things can change, not to the past where things have happened but are now gone. You cannot change the past but you can take on your future and things can happen for you where you can be happier, NEVER give up!!

    I am thinking of you and hoping you have the courage to set about your recovery.

    With my very best wishes to you Tat.


  • Wow. Thank you so much for your detailed, kind reply. I was on Zoloft (sertraline) for atleast 6 months. I was still having panic attacks on it. Maybe its not the right med for me? I will follow up with my doctor though. Thank you. :)

  • Hey Tat,

    I know it really late, but I hope you're fine, healthy and better than you that case you may even have completely forgotten that you were once here :p When I read this post I wondered looking at myself in the mirror- 17, great performance at school but hard to keep up now, depression and anxiety, dp/Dr , no friends other than hi hello ones, only support is family, going to uni next year so working hard for grades, etc. IT'S ME !!(I'm male tho)..I can't afford to miss a second as getting into a good college in my country is like a rat race, nobody cares how you feel, you just have to get s*it done anyway or keep moaning on how f**ked up your life is. I don't have time for letting myself loose as I have to get into a good uni. And at such a crucial point in my life, depression and anxiety throw me curveballs. (Not depressed due to studies, reason is something else). Also I live i n a remote city so there is no viable mental healthcare center around. I have to take a long trip for my monthly counseling.

    Sorry if its long. I just needed soneone to hear me out. I just wish if you're still active here, can you give some tips to me; a guy just like you were 2 years ago. All help is appreciated!



  • oh tat please hang on in there, I agree with everything kimmieblue has said, please go back to doctor, and please don't ever give up, you will feel better one day xx

  • Thank you :)

  • Tat...You are Young . You have been through a lot in your young life . I too have suffered Severe anxiety and Depression for a long time . Since Childhood . I Never received any Help . Until I was Older in my early 20's . They can Help You . How long where you on medication ? Did you give it time ? It took me a long time to talk about my True feelings . For fear that I would be put away somewhere . That's not True ! You really should Go Back to your Doctor or Therapist . There is Help . Times Have changed tremendously . " You can Come Out And Speak Up " . You would Feel So Much Better . I know this ... I Have been in Some Dark and Hopeless situations . Somehow I found the Strength to See a Doctor . I am not 100 percent . But , I feel Better that There is HELP . PLEASE...TAT Talk To Someone . You mentioned You are in Grade 12 . You have a Counselor . They can also Help . They too have resources to Help . I don't know exactly what you are Going Through . But , Being a person That Fights Depression and Severe Anxiety everyday . I Can relate To Being in Such Scary Place . There is Help . 😉 Concerned 😉

  • Thank you for your nice reply. I was on Zoloft for atleast 6 months and I only noticed a very slight difference in the way I felt. The counselors at school are useless unfortunately (I've tried), but I will try to find a good therapist. Thank you again. :)

  • You are welcome. I wish the best for you. Being a teenager can be a very difficult time. You are no longer a child and not yet an adult so it's not easy.

  • Tat how are you doing ?? You have been on my mind . I was wondering are you feeling any better ?

  • Hi Sandy,

    Aww thats so sweet of you. Thank you for checking in on me, I appreciate it! I am still feeling pretty bad unfortunately but I am feeling a tiny bit better. I went to see a social worker and the appointment went well so I think I'll be going back. Just trying to take things day by day for now. Thanks again for following up with me. :)

  • I am Glad to here that you are feeling a Tiny Bit Better 🌟

  • Stress from worrying causes our physical symptoms, nausea, headaches, aches and pains . Our negative thoughts cause us so much pain and anxiety. That is true for everybody. Negative thinking can drain our energy. Most of our energy comes from what is going on inside us; excessive thinking suspicion, etc. Being shy is not a problem. Many many people are shy, even actors and comedians. As far as friends are concerned, you are blessed having 1 or 2 close friends. Most people don't even have that. Your classmates and others are just acquaintances. If YOU are friendly, many will respond to you and you can make plans for movies, pizza, football games. They may or may not become a friend but you can enjoy their company once in awhile. I didn't find a good friend til I was a. Adult but it sounds like you already have a good friend, your mom. You are blessed. Enjoy your birthday with family. I know for fact that is how most teens spend their days. Remember no matter what family has your back. Bottom line, the reasons you are feeling so bad is you are not sleeping, sleep heals your mind and body; you need to eat healthy to nourish your mind and body, very important and all y your thoughts are too negative. When you have negative thoughts, listen to yourself, and change to a positive thought. Beauty is not how you look or what you wear. Beauty shines through when you are a good person. Even the most beautiful person can be considered ugly because they are not a good person. No one wants to be around them. This is not easy changing the way you think so if you need meds talk to your doctor and talking to a therapist will be beneficial too. By the way, you are basically a normal teen. A lot of teens think the way you do. Thinking of others and focusing on different activities will help you feel better. Do your homework . PRAY, HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE TO GROW AND MATURE AND YOU CAN WORK TOWARD A REWARDING AND SATISFYING LIFE.

  • Thank you so much for your detailed and kind reply. It made me smile :)

  • HIYA I'm Emily I've only just turned 18 and I thought I was bad I've been suffering with anxiety for a year now chick and it's causing a massive impact on my life it's causing depression. Just had a huge split with my boyfriend after 3 years!!!!!! I feel the same way as you do !!!! I feel worthless and ugly ! Some days are worse than others. Believe it or not things will only get better !!!! You can only help yourself !!! Ever need to talk I can be here I will listen ! Just know other people do feel this way you aren't alone !!!! X

  • Thank you

  • Hi. You are very sophisticated at a young age. You are never alone, after all, you just shared all this very well with "us" and we are with you. But you need help digging yourself out and feeling your grace and compassion within yourself. If one therapist did not work, don't give up! Try another one and another one after that if needed. I know that sounds hard but is better than the alternative of staying stuck in the suffering. Believe it or not, there is a GREATER purpose behind this. You clearly have courage and that is the first step. Take one step and then another. Seek anyone at all who supports you. I believe in you.

  • Thank you very much. I appreciate it. :)

  • I am a lot older than you are but I totally understand. It's the worst feeling being unhappy. It's uncomfortable to wake up in the morning feeling no joy or happiness

    My depression started very young and my teenage years were awful. I went my entire life with anxiety and a deep depression. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I went to a good psychiatrist who started me on an antidepressant medication. After 8 weeks I woke up feeling so wonderful that I ran outside and felt a live and full of joy and happiness for the first time in my life . I was extremely depressed with so much panic that I thought I was dying from all those physical symptoms that it cribbed me so much I couldn't pull myself out of bed in the morning and couldn't work.

    Medication saved my life. I am not here advocating for medication but only sharing my story that perhaps it could help you and maybe you could speak to your health care provider if medication would be an option for you because ALL your symptoms sounds like it could be only from depression and anxiety and nothing else. I am not a doctor but only sharing my experience with depression. My son also had the very same symptoms as you and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was prescribed medication as well that changed his life for the better and he is now a very successful 30 year old man which I never believed he would have been without medication cause it was hard for him to function in school with all his emotional problems. He was a loner in grade school and did not have any friends. Six months after starting medication in grade school he was a different kid and became so confidante that kids were actually attracted to him became of the confidence that he exuded. It was as though he was a different child. He laughed which he never use to. He started be interested in music , and interested in so many school that he grades went up.

    I feel terrible for you that I was compelled to share me story. I wish you all my best.

    Jennifer 1983

  • Thank you for sharing your story. I have tried medication but maybe it was not the right one for me. I will try and speak to a therapist. Thank you again.

  • Don't give up - sometimes you have to try many different antidepressants before finding the right one for you. There are so many antidepressants to try and finding the right one can be challenging. But don't give up on it cause finding the one for you can change your life the way it did for me and my son. Also having the right psychiatrist makes all the difference too. There are a lot of bad psychiatrists out there. Doctors who just throw you medication and send you on your way and who doesn't return your phones if you are experiencing a problem with the medication because that was my case and if I didn't have a good psychiatrist I never would have continued with medication and I would have been living a life of hell forever. A good psychiatrist cares and their goal is seeing you get well enough to live a good life. Sometimes those psychiatrists are expensive but worth every penny until you are stable on medication and than you can have your general practitioner prescribe that antidepressant for you.

    In your condition you need to be able to reach out to your doctor and her or she will return your phone call immediacy working closely with you. For I know there is the right antidepressant out there for you that could change your life so much for the better. Please do not give up !!

    I know all to well what it feels to suffer with this illness. I would often look at strangers and wonder what it must feel like to wake up in the morning and feel normal and think how lucky they are. Everyday was a life of suffering for me like you. So please do not lose hope. I truly believe all your symptoms are the symptoms of your depression and anxiety . I experienced weird feelings in my head. My surrounds looked like I was walking around inside a bubble that was dirty cause everything looked far away and gray and the lack of joy was painful that the only escape was to sleep. There was an antidepressant that worked for all of those horrible symptoms that had. Don't give up.

    I understand your hell and your torment. Do not give up and don't lose hope.

  • Thank you so much

  • I see a lot of people already shared their thing, not much I can say that they didn't cover. One thing I would like to say and will always, perhaps to all of 'US' here who deal with this bummer.

    "Do not live in your head, Live in the moment".

    I had no idea that a statement as simple as that would have a such a huge impact on my life.

    I can't go all medical on you, cause I ain't that good myself. And philosophy, NAH, not my cup of tea.

    I am just a fucked up guy that has dealt with anxiety for over 7 years now, and I just can't let it WIN. I don't even know if I can actually WIN against it... or just pretend. Life has stopped making any sense at all. And if I keep typing any of this any further, I probably would trigger a panic attack myself.

    Anyway, Try to be positive (which is a fool's errand anyway), but it does really help if you know how to pull it off. Don't look for a solution in people, guys, girls, friends, in short in OTHERS. Parents is as far as you can go trust me. But beyond that, I am afraid you are on your own.

    But hey, Feel free to talk anytime, I spend almost 14 hours a day on this website. Write sometimes, But respond every time.

    Good or bad, whatever the situation turns out for you, don't go down without swinging. Share always, I am annoyingly available and surprisingly weird to talk to. I just don't understand the whole SOCIAL SYSTEM the world lives in anyway. If you find me going all NORMAL, that's the time I am pretending to be like them. Deep down, nothing is REAL for me. So throw anything at me, and I will grow a flower out of it (thorns if you wish, I do both)



  • Start with small manageable steps like going for a walk, listen to some music. Don't be hard on yourself - It can get better. baby steps x

  • How are you feeling now that 2 mos. have passed by? Any better? You got a lot of good responses here on this forum. I add my encouragement. Although I am much older than you, I understand everything that you say. Hang in there.

  • Could you try again with a therapist? Just making the effort could make the difference. Just because you didn't hope open much before, it was probably because you simply felt uncomfortable. You should be able to go at your own pace, no matter what that is. I am so sorry that you feel scared and sad. I have been there many, many times. Getting some perspective, ANY perspective could help.

  • Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. I haven't been on here in a while, but I truly appreciate every single response. Everyone here gives me the hope and confidence to move forward. It also really helps knowing that others feel the same way as I do. Anyway, I have started seeing another therapist and she is incredible. Although there is still a long way to go, I have been making quite a bit of progress. I feel comfortable and open in the sessions, which is something I didn't feel with the previous therapist that I saw. I am hoping that I am on the right track to overcoming my anxiety/depression. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has replied with their experiences and kind words.

  • I feel for you really I went through all of this at your age well most of it😥 I just want you to know there is hope and people who understand! It will get better!!! You are so young still. You are smart and beautiful and someday you will believe it! BIG HUGS sweetie please hang in there! ☃

  • I'm so sorry you feel this way. I too am struggling with this. It's awful

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