Should I stay or go?

[Clarita83]

Hi everyone. A few weeks ago I missed my plane to fly home for a few months due to my nerves. I had deemed myself unfit to fly, usually I'm totally fine with flying but my severe anxiety didn't allow for it. I still wonder if I should have pushed myself but then there are days where I'm feeling most anxious, fearful of nothing and constant panic that I think to myself " yeah, this is the reason why I stayed home I couldn't possibly travel until I feel better this is the right decision."

I can't help but wonder if having family around would help me more than staying here without friends or close connections apart from one person. I find myself looking at flight tickets wondering if I should stay or go? My mind is tricking me thinking things might get worse if I " move" from this spot, stay put,fly later. My mind fears that the flight will only kick up my nerves even more and what would I do since my Dr is in Australia, I wouldn't have a Dr to go to when I'm home. It feels " safe" to stay put but is it wise?

[JAYnLA]

I relate to your fears completely. I have a similar situation. My father lives across the country and his health is declining. I want to see him but have not taken the flight for the same reasons you're talking about. I believe that I will get there. In the meantime I just keep reminding myself that it's okay if I don't feel well - I'm not in danger. Once I get back home there is plenty of medical help there if I need it - but I don't really need it. As for going back to familiar surroundings and being around understanding people, it's thought to be good for healing. Claire Weekes talks about it in one of her books.

[Clarita83 in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you so much for your reply and advice. May I ask which Claire Weekes book is that? I tend to listen to the audio that's available from her on YouTube that someone set up. I also have the Hope For Your Nerves book, or had it, and read some of it. But after last night's horrible sleep and this mornings rude wake up with shot nerves, I honestly can't picture myself flying right now. When my nerves are fine I never have an issue flying. I hope you can get down to see your father when you're ready to.

[JAYnLA in reply to Clarita83]

You've mentioned the main Weekes books... there is also FREEDOM FROM NERVOUS SUFFERING, an audiobook, that I love.

[Clarita83 in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you I'm going to look into that one. 🙂🙏

[Hidden]

Can you afford to have a friend or family member fly out to get you and fly back together? I think it’s always better to be with family. If it’s just the flight holding you back, I would just pay to have someone go with me if possible.

[Clarita83 in reply to Hidden]

Hi there. That's a great suggestion but even if I could afford it, it's a 14 hour flight that none of my family members would be prepared to do unfortunately. I think it's better to be with family as well, the flight is on obstacle but the biggest issue is my nerves are out of whack at the moment. I'm most afraid of what's happening to me than flying as I have flown many times. I keep telling myself that whether I'm here or home, I'm still going to have to work on getting better. I've been this way over a month now and I know how my breakdowns work, it's going to take some time. But I wish I were surrounded by family or friends. Thank you again 🙂

[Hidden in reply to Clarita83]

Yes I’ve had a few breakdowns too, it does take time to stabilize. I’ve found Lexapro has helped me a lot. I also attend Celebrate Recovery and Codependents Anonymous which have helped tremendously. I hope you can get stabilized soon and make it home

[Clarita83 in reply to Hidden]

I've taken Zoloft and had several side effects including weight gain, but I'm honestly thinking of going back to it. I googled Codependence Anonymous but don't understand what it's about/how it works? Is it free? I'm into anything and everything self-help and well-being.

[Hidden in reply to Clarita83]

I always go back on my meds when I can no longer manage my anxiety. Coda is a 12 step program, it is free. It’s a self help group that focuses on establishing healthy relationships. people in coda have self esteem problems, often have unhealthy relationships, grovel and beg for love. It’s great for growing yourself into a more mature and healthy person.

[Clarita83 in reply to Hidden]

Sounds really interesting. I might check that out. Are you aware of any programs that do similar but for anxiety and such?

[Calm_mama]

Hi Clarita,

"My mind is tricking me thinking things might get worse if I " move" from this spot, stay put,fly later"

You are correct- your mind is tricking you into thinking this. So you don't need to listen to the nonsense that anxiety is shouting

And if we allow ourselves to be tricked, anxiety will perceive that it's doing things correctly by rendering us immobile, locked safe away....and then it starts to double down. Before we know it, just going out the front door for anything will become hard, as anxiety will think it's doing a good job keeping us put, and start hollering even more if we don't listen to it.

As JAYnLA mentioned, pls do give Claire Weekes a go, and then note that her treatment plan for recovery involves 4 things: FACE, FLOAT, ACCEPT, LET TIME PASS...

#1 is FACE. Face your fears. Despite the (harmless) feelings and sensations.

I know this is hard, and I empathize so much. Sending you lots of courage and strength

[Clarita83 in reply to Calm_mama]

Thank you so much for everything you wrote and for taking the time! I really appreciate it and I intend to follow your advice. I'm familiar with Claire Weekes, I think that's the reason why I've managed to somehow avoid getting most of the physical symptoms, as false as they are. My mind has figured them out so perhaps they didn't visit this time around.

I'm trying to get over the anxious, tense feelings during the day. It's terrible but I'm holding on. I'm also doing CBT and learning how we can retrain our brain using positivity.

Thank you again. 🙂