Should I do it?

Hi I've a massive dilemma as many of you on here may know I let my alcoholic son stay with me for a few days .everything was going well until I found out that he owed people money .hence they found out he was staying with me. They threatened to put all my windows in so I moved out leaving the key with my neighbour my son asked her for it so he could have a bath which he did then gave her my keys back but took my back door key I had the locks changed he's now on the run because he didn't turn up in court so my ex found me a new house which I'm supposed to be moving into next week but I've lived here 25 yrs and I was going to move but I'm now panicking. The trouble has been sorted and I don't want to go but my family are saying I should but I can't leave everything I know any help would be great thanks


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18 Replies

  • Stop panicking! Your physical safety is paramount, and I have to side with your family on this matter. MOVE! Yes, it is all going to be so new. Yes, it's downright frightening. So, yes, your anxieties are going to be rampant. But you know these anxieties will lessen in time. What won't lessen in time, is that those people may come back, and that is one anxiety you can live without! Start packing. Stop thinking of the 'what ifs'. Once you're settled in your new home, then we'll all help with your readjustment to your new environment. 25 years is a long time to be in one place, and I do know how that familiarity can be a comfort, but look on this as an adventure. You won't be alone on this adventure, you just need to keep coming back on and talking with us. We may even have solutions. I'm sorry if this is not an opinion you wanted to hear, but it's my gut instinct. Oh, and do speak with your doctor about all this too. Take care. x

  • HI scooby x wow a lot has happened since we last spoke x I was wondering how your son got on at court and now I know x Firstly you where not to know when you let him stay that he was in debt with people x You took him in from the streets and where good to do that x It was totally unfair of these thugs to come to your home and make threats against you x I don't blame you for moving out x And well done for going through all of this and having anxiety but carrying on x Your son has been very silly in not turning up for his court date and this will now add to his troubles x I know you are saying that all of the problems are sorted and that you feel you can stay but i would really consider moving x I know 25 years is a long time but you have to think of yourself and your other son x If you stayed you would maybe regret it x Take your time and make a list of the pros and cons to do with leaving x Donver xx

  • Thanks x

  • Thanks but they never came to my house I knew someone who knew them so it's sorted they know it's not my fault. I will be nearer my family but my son will still go to high school here because he's just started he doesn't want to go to a different school. I can't do it I hate change.

  • It was word of mouth that they said they would come here.

  • if you dont want to move dont as long as you will be happy where you are.what if you moved and did not like it.I did it 18months and have really regretted moving,left my last house after living there for more than 20years,having to move again,I,m 63 and feel I have to get my life on track and settle down.Better the devil you know...........

  • If you know that in your heart you cannot do it then if you know that your are now safe stay x It sounds to me as if the pros and cons are decided so maybe you are telling yourself you have to stay x If your son would be in the area maybe for now it would be better to stay x As i said really think it through xx Donver xx

  • I have I was all for it then when I was on the bus home I had a panic attack because my dad said make sure you want to go. That got me thinking. I didn't want to go. I've got friends here I rely on and the new house is on a main road with not many houses.

  • As others have suggested make a list of pros and cons but it seems to me that you have decided.


  • At first I was going to say why should you move if the problem is your son. Now i'm thinking pride and memories aside, sometimes we need to hit the reset button and start from scratch. New home new beginning. You might want to suggest the same to your son if you're still in contact with him.

    Running from the police, if he is still on the run, will only end with a longer sentence better he hands himself in than get caught.

    You need to figure out what you want from life and make it so in this new house. I have just moved house after 25ish years too and it's a bit weird with less people but it's a fresh start.

  • Hi Scoobyd,

    First of all take a deep breath.....

    A lot has gone on for you. Think what you was going to do before all this trouble with your son.

    Was you going to move anyway or is this a move because of all the trouble your son has brought to your door?

    Your son has made the choice not to go to court and he knows that the police will now have a warrant out for him, this was your sons choice and I am sure he knows it is only a matter of time before he is picked up by the police,

    Now you must think what is best for you to do, you to have a choice too make as to where you want to live.

    So maybe take some time and think what you was doing, there is no rush.

    Your son has the problem with drink not you, it is not nice to see our love ones get in such a state, but there comes a time when they hit rock bottom and hopefully change thier ways with help.

    Please take time out to do what is best for you and your other son.

    Gardener x

  • Hi thanks my ex owns a taxi firm and they've phoned there and said they will blow my house up if they don't find him so I'm moving on Friday. I really don't want to im scared stiff I can't breathe they said he's got til Christmas to pay which he can't so no one will know where we are. My tablets are not working now either I feel so ill

  • Some please reply so I Can feel a bit sane

  • Hi Scoobyd,

    Oh I feel for you, have you thought of a safe house where you can get support?

    This would mean telling the police all the threats you are getting from these people and maybe go in a woman refuge for a rest bite.

  • Hi I've told the police but I don't want to go in a refuge i have a dog I wouldn't be able to take. The police said there just threats and I need proof. The idiots like I'm going to make this up.

  • Hi scoobyd,

    Just wondering how you are? Hope you have got something sorted now. Ant news of your son?

    gardener x

  • Hi no news I'm moving on Saturday thanks I'm sitting here terrified every noise makes me jump. Don't want to go and leave my friends but I have no choice. Maybe I will be okay when I settle in. It's an area where I used to live my son and daughter and mum and dad live there and my brother there all close by.

  • Morning Scoobyd

    It is good that you have your family near by for support. If you have lived there before that's good also as you will know where everything is as well.

    Sorry to hear you are worried about reasons events. Try to keep busy with your packing etc, think of it as a new and exciting phase in your life now. As for these bullies that have threatened you try not to worry to much as in my exprence they are all cowards at the end of the day. I know it is easy for me to say that but you will get through this.

    hope you have a good day today, keep in touch.

    Gardener x

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