Derealization increasing in the afternoon

[Mclion]

For the past week I have been experiencing extreme derealization that has been greatly effecting my life and creating extreme distress. The first time I experienced this feeling was when I was kayaking with my friend. It was a sunny day (as i live in california) and we we're about to start to kayak. We got on the water and as we kayaked i began to feel unnerved, the serenity of it all was what was causing it. It all felt fake, like a set in a movie or a lost memory from my childhood. I was truly confused by what was happening and I felt everything around me was from a memory. The thing that got me panicked was the sun light and the quietness. After that day, I stopped thinking about what happened until it happened again maybe four days after. It was the same feeling, that everything around me was fake and just from a memory. That was yesterday, Today I had another episode where everyone around me seemed fake, all of them were in the afternoon and all of them somehow had to do with the shadows and sunlight. I can't put my finger on what is wrong and that's what worries me. I know it's derealization and i hate it but what i hate more is the vagueness of the occurrences. It only happens in the afternoon and it constantly plagues me after. I am on budesonide (which i take orally), Concerta (for ADHD), and Omeprazole. I also have been experiencing extreme neck pain, fatigue, and numbness in my limbs which adds to the derealization which have all recently occurred 2 weeks prior to today and have not ceased. I have dealt with chronic esophagus pain(EoE) for 2 years which has gone away and I am currently dealing with horrible extistential anxiety. I am currently going to school and I have a great mother who supports me.

[steadfast66]

You are blessed to have a mother who supports you. I am very familiar with depersonalization/derealization. I have been dealing with it for years now. I have learned to cope. I did see a therapist which helped. I sometimes feel that I am going to lose control of my speech and my mind but I know that I am not. When I am involved in a meeting, looking at something on television, or talking on the phone I don't have these feelings. Seemingly if I am focused on anything but myself and my body functions, I am okay. I think mine started when I was taking care of my mother who had Alzheimer's. At first, I was becoming conscious of my hands on the steering wheel. An over awareness of myself. It progressed from there, ever so slowly. This I know: I am not going crazy, it's a mental disorder, I can control it by refocusing and not overthinking. I hope this helps somewhat.

[Calm_mama]

Hi Mclion, please talk a little bit about your history with anxiety and or panic?

[Mclion in reply to Calm_mama]

Ever since i was a child I have had anxiety but it increased after I started feeling chronic pain(2 years ago). I had this horrible feeling that i was going to die constantly and I felt horrible. This feeling evolved into exstitential anxiety, which it is now. Because of my anxiety, I have been experiencing these episodes. I also am suffering from constant discomfort in my neck and back causing numbness which adds to the derealization. I never really have panic attacks which adds to my anxiety as I think that maybe my anxiety is something else as i don't fill out all the symptoms. I have pretty much lived my life with only slight anxiety until two weeks ago, now it is a problem which consumes my life and leaves me empty.

[Calm_mama in reply to Mclion]

Thank you for that info!

First, I am so sorry that you haven't been feeling well. Not fun stuff.

Next, I'm going to say that derealization is incredibly common as an offshoot of anxiety. All you need to do is look at the posts here to see that. I hope that notion helps kind of nudge you in the direction I think is hugely helpful: to start thinking of this feeling as common, and start to glimpse that it is just a feeling - not dangerous, not harmful, Uncomfortable, yes, but not life-threatening. Easier said than done, I know! But glimpsing that is the beginning of recovering from all of this.

I'm going to suggest that you take a look at the resources I have listed on my profile. I recommend 2 things in particular for you- A Coach Called Life website, and Dr. Weekes' enlightenment video. Dr. Weekes gives the big picture and puts anxiety/panic and all the symptoms (including derealization) into the context of how to recover. Dr. Weekes calls derealization "feelings of unreality" in her video, just FYI. She is talking about DP/DR. Swamy G on a coach called life delves more specifically into DP/DR. Both so incredibly helpful for the person dealing with this. The other resources I have listed all touch upon DP/DR- some more than others.

Do you have a therapist? I think that seeing a therapist who really understands anxiety and all of its manifestations would be very helpful.

One last thought- this may seem random I know, but do you like rap? My daughters and I are very into certain rap and right now LOGIC is one of our favorites. He has had quite a journey in life and sings about his past struggles a lot. His song ANZIETY (with a "z") was huge for my daughter who has anxiety. He has many interviews posted online where he talks specifically about his derealization and anxiety/panic. In his latest interviews he seems to be doing quite well. *If 4-letter words are offensive to you, you don't want to listen to any of his stuff

Keep us updated?

I'm wishing you all the best!

[mz_rachel]

I have those moments and when I do I rush what I do and lay down. I tell my bf what’s going on and he tells me it’s okay. I look around the room and I talk to myself in my head and call out what I see and what I feel or what I smell. Of course I panic afterwards bc of doubts but it eventually goes away. Hard though