Need someone to talk to me please 💜

[Elizabeth04]

Hey y'all. I hope everyone has been doing okay. I haven't been on this website in awhile. Just kinda dealing with life day by day I guess. In pretty depressing to live the way I do... and I'm sure spot of ou can relate.

I'm 27 I have 2 boys. One if them is in school and the other is younger and stays with me during the day. Most days I wake up, almost immediately start feeling weird, dizzy. (Some days I'm not As bad) so when this happens day after day after day. It a very depressing. So then I take my son to school, we get in the car.... I feel dizzy weird... chest hurts. By that time my klonopin that take before I go everyday has probably kicked in... so I try to go run some errands. Grocery store.. clothes shopping for my kids, normal things a mom should do. I can't do these things. I get to the store.. go in and I can't concentrate on anything bc I feel like I'm going to faint.... "flip out of skin".... I feel like I have to run out. Sometimes I have just left my buggy in the middle of the aisle.... grabbed my child and left. It is so hard for me to get groceries for my family, or to even keep up with their school clothes shopping. My son needs some new shirts etc for school and it's like I have such a hard time getting to these places and doing it. After coming home from my "shopping" I usually cry on the way home. When I get home I feel a little "better".... don't know if that's even a good word... I never feel "better". But at least at home i can check my blood pressure... heart rate... cry and make sure I'm not dying.

You see this is every single day for me. Every day.

I take klonopin .5mg in the morning. That is all. Anti depressants haven't worked for me... they only make me more scared that something might happen to me from taking them. So that doesn't help my anxiety situation.

I want to laugh... I want to get up and play with my kids without getting easily irritated by them. I want to get dressed.... do my make up and feel GOOD. But nothing ever happens the way I think it should.

Last year I went to the ER probably a dozen times. I'm constantly in the doctor or calling the doctor. I'm sure I'm annoying. But I don't care, I have a life to live and children who need ME in their lives. Not the depressed anxious angry me that I've become.

I don't understand why I can't get help and why it just keeps going on and on. Like a bad movie or song that just is stuck playing over and over.

[Sillysausage234]

You ok

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Yeah. Just got back from a 2 mile walk. Cleared my mind a little. Just tired of the same ol thing day after day. It gets me down

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Elizabeth04]

Walking is good to blow some cobwebs away and clear your mind good your feeling better best wishes from the 🇬🇧 uk 🧘🏻‍♂️🖖🙂

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you 💜 have you ever been through similar feelings in life?

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Elizabeth04]

Social anxiety disorder,yes it’s scary go and see your doctor and explain your meds are not helping properly get them changed

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thank you. I def want off these meds

[Agora1]

Hi Elizabeth04, glad to see you back but wish it were under different circumstances. Everything you are experiencing everyday is anxiety at it's best. Knowing that is not going to change anything until we start to change our thoughts.

I lived through that and even at times anxiety may still try to creep in. It's when I pull out the big guns....Deep Breathing. You cannot be deep breathing and experience anxiety at the same time. It cancels it out even momentarily.

You know I was Agoraphobic for 5 years. I couldn't count the number of times I ran out of the store in a broken sweat, shaking and crying. Embarrassing isn't even a strong enough word. It was down right terrorizing. In finding a tool or method that works for you at home that you can bring with you when out and about, will help you get through the chores you need to address. (including school meetings) ugh, use to hate when they came up.

Taking medication and/or therapy are only a part of the answer in finding some sanity in our lives. Rather than focus on our plight with anxiety each day we need to spend more energy in getting some respite while at home. 5-10 min several times a day, retraining our negative thoughts in order to change the same old pattern every day.

What methods have your tried in settling down your anxious feelings. It's nothing but a learned behavior.. Right now you are stuck in a fear cycle. The cycle needs to be broken before you can go forward. I'm glad you are back on this site for the support, understanding and advice in what others use in going forward. It will happen for you Elizabeth. Stay positive. xx

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks so much 💜 I agree 100% on the school meetings lol 😂like can't i just call the school?

It's hard, and the agoraphobia kinda comes in waves.... some days I can hardly drive to the store with our feeling like I'm gonna "flip out" and start crying. Other days i get to where I'm going..like the grocery store... walk around get my grocery with out feeling like I'm gonna pass out. Lol it sounds funny when you think about it... bc it happens every time and j haven't died.. and I feel down know I'm fine. It's just the feeling is sooo strong ya know?

I love to work in my yard... I've been trying to eat better and excersise lately. I think I have costochondritis though, so my chest starts hurting at the drop of the hat which makes my anxious mind start turning again.

It's 6:30 am here, have to drive my son to school soon. I purposely chose that, to make me go and get out of the house everyday 👍 does me good I think. Take care 💟💟

[Agora1 in reply to Elizabeth04]

Happy Monday Elizabeth hope your drive to and from school went well.

What's next on the agenda for your day? Whether you work or are a stay at home

mom, we need to have a plan in mind. Mine today is getting out and buying some

Fall flowers for the front of the house. It doesn't always have to be about leaving your

home as much as it needs to be about accomplishing something you've been putting

off...such as setting up a well over due appointment with the doctor or dentist. Every time we take a step forward we win.

I am still raking in the good feeling about organizing my linen closet a month ago as part of my therapists suggestion. At the time, it took my mind off my problems and

gave me a satisfaction every time I open the door and see everything neatly arranged.

You have hours before you need to pick up your son. What is your plan for today?? xx

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Agora1]

I did the same. I went and got new flowers for my porch. Also picked up some pumpkins.😊 Went with my mom, we had a good time.

Now I'm home, I feel so woozy and exhausted. I'm probably gonna take a long shower and go to bed.

It was a okay day, all in all

[Agora1 in reply to Elizabeth04]

You did good Elizabeth. Give yourself some credit. The wooziness may mean you are dehydrated. You deserve a good night's rest.

Sleep well. xx

[Hidden]

Do u think maybe filling your body with chemicals is the answer?if they are not working whats the point?i sympathize as i have the big A (anxiety as i call it)wake up most days feeling crappy or weird or have palpatations or whatever but doc put me on beta blockers took them a few days then stopped as i felt worse! Its hard for u with kids,but the drugs i think make it worse,doctors dont know everything they just want us to take pills to keep paying the pharmaceutical companies i believe x

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Hidden]

I agree. It a just sooo hard to stop taking it now 🙁

[Lexus718]

Get the book Dare by Barry McDonough. It's amazing and life changing. You almost have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. I know it's hard but you can't be scared of your sensations. You have to know it's just anxiety..yes JUST. You have to brush it off and the more you train your mind to push through, the more progress you'll get. 9 months ago I constantly thought I was dying. Going from doc to doc..this book saved me. Buy it asap.

[Hidden]

I,m 71 and have managed to get through life and bring up 3 children, work in better times but still get the anxiety some days. I overthink everything. I walk in the afternoon weather permitting here in England. I think we are sensitive people who have to fight this everyday. Sending my love and good wishes. X

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I bet it is so beautiful in England 💗

I hope you have a wonderful day/night

[Lexus718]

Oh! And start meditating. Download insight timer on your phone. Meditation works wonders. Aim for 2x a day.

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Lexus718]

Thank you! I have tried guided meditation on my phone. I feel like it helps

[Chaya24]

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Everyone wants to help in their own way, so of course that means you will read lots of different kinds of advice. (I have found that different things can be helpful at different times, so almost all input is useful.) But a couple of months ago I became very tired of fighting my anxieties and tired of trying to be 'better' in various ways. Instead, I just began to respect my feelings. So when I feel upset by something, very sensitive about something, really anxious or deeply sad, I accept it. For example, I say to myself, in my head, "I feel anxious about being in this store. But that's ok. It's ok to feel this." And it's interesting, because acknowledging the fear or the depression seems to normalise it, and it tends to become far more manageable. I heard a man say that when a depressing time comes upon him, he sings the first few lines of that Simon and Garfunkel song to the depression: "Hello darkness my old friend..." and the depression loses its power. I was a counselling therapist and I did my best to help many people through their anxiety, but I have started to feel that going into battle with our difficulties is not always helpful. I think we sometimes make ourselves into failures by doing that, and it can be more empowering to say, "This is how I feel at the moment. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me." The acceptance of it can make us aware that we are no less worthy, and it can take away the power of the anxiety. I know this won't always work for everyone, or it might work well during some episodes and not at all during other episodes. But I think it's useful to try, because I feel that trying to fight, or resist, or fix our fears can make them worse because we are turning them into an 'enemy'. And we suffer a lot of guilt when we aren't successful in beating them. Whereas, there can actually be a feeling of calm if we no longer see them as a threat. Again, I know that this may not be effective in all cases.

With warm wishes, Chaya.

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Chaya24]

Thank you 💜

[captained49]

Stop fighting it so hard .You have been to the Dr many times. And have been told your Ok . So believe them .

[Bungiecat]

Sounds awful hope you are okay Gail

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Bungiecat]

Thanks

[Hidden]

I think you are on the wrong path darling. You created a safe haven to yourself which is not actually what you want. We all want safety and loving home but you lost your purpose and yourself trying to fit in. Make a change.

[Elizabeth04 in reply to Hidden]

Not trying to fit in...👍

I'm trying to live my life as normal people live it, but it's hard to have a good life when you feel sick all the time.