Introduction into my life, I guess

[imissyou]

Hii everyone,this is the part where i'm supposed to mention my name, though I'm not comfortable enough to do it now.Today is my first day being on this website, and to be honest,I just want to disappear into thin air and never return to this demented world, people have hurt me so much. I was never like this before, I was a very happy child growing up, I would get everything I wanted in life. Everything changed when my dad died in 2014,I was only 12 by then. Darkness crept into my heart from then and I don't know what to do with myself anymore..

[Jeff1943]

DADDYHELP, that was a great loss to lose your Dad at 12 and you're still grieving. So sorry for what you've been through. You say you don't know what to do with yourself, that's easy to answer. Do with yourself what your Dad would want you to do. Do it for yourself, do it for him.

Make the most of the education available to you, it helps big time later on, you've no idea. Decide what things you find interesting and get a job doing that for a living. Choose your friends carefully, make sure they will be good for you, choose them one at a time, no rush. Have fun but only in ways that won't hurt you, that still leaves lots of ways to have fun.

Your father would think it time to banish the darkness from your heart, do it for yourself, do it for him. Raise your spirits and embrace life. Think of all the things your father would want for you. Time to end your mourning, DADDYHELP, life lies ahead.

[Hidden]

Welcome!

I so relate to your post. My dad passed away when I was eleven. It was then that my world turned upside down and I had nobody to turn to for support. There were no online support groups. I am so happy that online groups are available now.

Are you able to talk to family or friends?

[saturn2k]

Can I ask if you are an only child ? Do you find you are trying to maintain a happy face for your mum ? so keeping all this to yourself so as to not upset your her? Taking on responsibilities that really a child shouldn't have to do ? When my dad died at a pretty young age, I was 14, my six siblings and my mum who was just 40 all bounced off each other in a weird way not knowing what to do for many years, not knowing how to share our grief and so we all suffered for many years in an unhealthy way. Of course as adults we have been able to confront it all and got professional help, and just sigh with relief that we grew into pretty good adults.

Your first step is really getting help. If you can't approach your mum, then if you are still at school approach the guidance counsellor (I am not sure if that's what they are called at schools where you are ) they can arrange for some help for you. Do you have a family doctor? There is no shame in asking for help.

It doesn't mean you won't stop missing your dad, but it will help you deal and cope with your loss. The sun may not seem like it's shining bright for you, but I promise you that when you get your help, the clouds will clear. You will learn ways to deal with the grief, to accept that it's there but to learn how to not let it overtake your life.

You have been alone for a long time, and the world looks like a fermenting mess with ugly people. But in fact, mostly life is lovely. It can be again. The darkness is awful. I remember on the day that my dad died, I was holding his hand and because it was school holidays I heard kids outside playing. I have not forgotten this because I was shocked that my dads death didn't change the world outside. It goes on it's merry way and I did feel very angry and confused even at such a young age and terribly terribly alone.

You are allowed to start to live again, to laugh again, to be free from all of this. This is no disrespect to your father's memory. My mum died a few weeks ago, and of course I do fall into a heap and have a good sob, but I am honouring her life by not chucking it all in and closing down. My mum would be so angry with me. It's not how she lived her life.

My older brother died four years ago, and I was a mess and did get help. Because of the help and the talking and the little things he taught me to say in my mind, and the breathing techniques, because of all of this I am functioning. I know my parents would be so proud of me.

Do this for yourself. You deserve it, and you have so much more to do in this world.

Please keep us updated won't you ?

Big hug

[imissyou in reply to saturn2k]

You are such a brave and bright soul, God bless you

[Ckd123]

Hi there and welcome.

I’m so sad for you that you had to go through the trauma of losing a parent in childhood. I was 11 when my mum died and it shaped the way my life turned out. I have no doubt my life would have been easier and better if my mum had stayed with us. In saying that I still managed to have a good life, I have a great dad and three siblings who I am close to. How is your mum now four years after the loss of her husband and do you have any siblings??

My eldest daughter is almost your age and I think the advice I would give her is to talk talk talk. I never told my dad how I was feeling because I didn’t want to add to his grieve, infact I constantly worried about him and what he was going through rather than face what I was going through. Talk to your mum, she would want you too, she will want to help you. I’d imagine if she knew you were feeling so low she would do anything to try make things better for you.

Life sucks sometimes but like another poster said, live your life the way your dad would have wanted you too xx

[DanniJones]

Bless your heart and soul. Sorry about your dad I'm going to assume you were both close. My brother was murdered and my mum and dad left us all to fend for ourselves - there were 8 of us ages 5-16. It was horrible, a dark time and that's why I now have chronic fatigue and anxiety especially social anxiety. Have you had any counselling? I tried and it didn't work because I felt no one actually understands the pain. It's a good sign you're experiencing emotions now rather than bottling it up. Honestly, you must be doing very well and I'm not sure if you've had your GCSEs today or last year? So an even more stressful time for you.

Making yourself busy doing something you enjoy works a hell of a lot. It took me to find myself again when I worked behind the bar and I just felt I could let loose and have a laugh with the other staff as it's laid back.

[gggg123]

Who hurt you ? Lots of people lose their parents young, I lost both mine before the age of 15 and I thought was bad until I met someone who lost both in the space of 3 weeks at 14. Grief takes time so go easy on yourself, but who else has hurt you.

[imissyou in reply to gggg123]

Who hurt me you ask, everyone I have met

[captained49]

Think about what the feeling you had when you felt Happy!!Anxieity and Excited and Happy give the same response as Anxiety to your Body !

[dougal2]

Ahh, I really feel for you. I lost my dad when I was 23 but to lose your dad when your still child must be extremely difficult. I think its important to grieve and remember all good funny things that your dad would do or say. I found it helpful to talk about him and remamis about him. I agree with Jeff and focus on your education make your dad proud

[imissyou]

I'm literally sobbing whilst writing this, thank you to everyones kind and thoughtful messages, you have just made my day brighter, Honestly I feel like if I talk to my mom, she will remember how the love of her life had left this world,I have 4 sisters and 5 brothers and we are all a dysfunctional family .My brothers smoke and my sisters are married and have their own children to take care of. I just feel like I grew up too soon, and I really miss him, he was the reason I would get up in the morning. I just feel like I'm going to be a disappointment in life, I have my gcse's in November. Have you had to think that you were the old one out at school when kids my age would talk about their dads and the way their eyes would lit up with glee in their it just really hits me that he really isn't here no more, I was his favorite child he would always tell me. I opened up to so may people who have hurt me in indescribable ways, so how should I go on, when there is nothing to look forward to, there is not a day where a suicide thought does not cross my mind. I'm just tired when does this end?I just missss him