Holiday Preparation Anxiety

[cookie50]

Hi, this is my first post. I am going away on Sunday for a wonderful holiday for my 30th anniversary. I have travelled several times but it always sends my anxiety through the roof. I wake up shaking, feeling sick and worrying about what I have to do today. Packing etc. I don't worry about flying I think its just the thought of making sure we have everything we need etc. Since my mum died in January my anxiety has been a lot worse. The holiday is supposed to be a break from it all, I just wish I could enjoy the build up. I was her carer for years and used to have to sort all her care etc out when we went away before so this should be easier. Does anyone else get like this? Thanks

[Jeff1943]

Cookie50, when we go on holiday/vacation we leave our comfort zone. Even though we like holidays and all the exciting and interesting experiences our anxiety levels rise. What happens if something goes wrong when we're far from home? Have we remembered to do everything before we go? So many things to remember!

I'm going on a cruise in 10 days so I know how you feel.

Normal people don't think of things like that but we do. And you've recently lost your mum, you're still grieving and coming to terms with it, and you're probably depleted physically and emotionally through all that time caring for your mum.

Listen to me cookie50, everything is going to be fine. Spend 5 minutes making a list of everything to do and then simply tick them off as you do them. You deserve this holiday, you really do. So when you start feeling bad just stop and take a deep slow breath, hold it for a couple of seconds and breathe out slowly. Repeat that a few times, it produces tranquillising natural hormones to calm you.

Believe me when I say you're stressing needlessly, everything is going to be alright. Nothing is going to go wrong. You'll have the time of your life and will wonder what on earth you were worrying about.

[cookie50 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you Jeff1943. This made me cry. The fact that you understand how I am feeling is a great comfort. I would do anything not to feel like this. I feel like I am spoiling it for my husband. I know I will be fine once I get there. Thank you.

[Delzek]

Cookie I have not been on holiday for years due to agoraphobia, I did manage to go to my Mum's funeral then the following year my Dad's yet even though they were about 300 miles away I left in the early hours yet still returned to my home in the early hours of the next day 24 hours in all, I feel for you I really do, it's difficult Yet not impossible to enjoy the journey and the actual holiday! You know your destination find out the amenities the places to go,the places to eat and do a kind of wish list hopefully that will help you as then you can either go to the places you have marked down or on the day decide to do something different! You have your plans and if you feel up to it you can always change them! Enjoy Derek

[cookie50 in reply to Delzek]

Thank you, I wiil enjoy it once I am there. It's just the build up to anything out of my comfort zone.

[Delzek in reply to cookie50]

I have been trying to go on Holiday for a good few years now, family have tried to get me to visit but I suppose my fears stop me from going away! My little feathered friends my bosses the Parrots wouldn't let me go anywhere anyway unless of course they came too.

I managed my Mum's funeral then my Dad's , I just couldn't manage my grand daughters funeral as it was at least two days away for me, I seriously have problems just going to the shop's! You should be Proud of yourself being able to settle once you get where you are going!

[HelloPanda23 in reply to Delzek]

Slowly expose yourself to going out a bit more. I'm sure it'll get you used to it, and once you do, you can start getting rid of your agoraphobia. Easier said than done, but don't fear panic attacks, they won't hurt you. I've been having a few panic attacks at home lately and it sometimes scares me to simply be at home, and yet I do my best to deal with it. I hope you can as well.

[Delzek in reply to HelloPanda23]

Hello Panda23 I try to go in the community garden but only at night when no one is there,and I did have a panic attack that hurt like hell, I dropped to the ground banged my head then had a stroke I lay there for almost 3 hours before someone found me and called an ambulance! Ok that was a bad day normally when I have a panic attack I can feel like I am having a heart attack or something or someone is trying to hurt me, I know I am being stupid even as they happen but I genuinely can not stop them!

[HelloPanda23 in reply to Delzek]

That's difficult to deal with, here, why don't you go to a therapist or use guided meditation from youtube, I heard they help a lot.

[star68]

Hi cookie50, I understand perfectly how you feel. I was the main carer for my mum as well and sadly she past away last year. I found that with grieving every situation seems a big problem, I have always been very positive and I coped very well with everyday problems, family and my mother not been well for the last two years of her life I had tons of strength. But when grieving I became very catastrophic thinking with minor things, the stress levels with any situation are really high, and my anxiety and panic attacks returned with vengeance. The sadness was taking over me and I became detached from exciting and fun events. I was told life will be bright again one day, the wound will be always there but it has to heal first and while healing you have to allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, frustration and guilt. Be gentle with yourself and talk o your family about it, they will understand.

If you need to talk drop me a line.

Best wishes

[cookie50 in reply to star68]

Thank you so much. You seem to know how I am feeling. I had to be very strong the last years of my mum's life dealing with doctors and hospitals etc. I am an only child and I arranged the funeral myself. Now even the small things cause me such anxiety. I wake up feeling sick and shaking. I feel like I have lost control of my body. I am just hoping this will pass in time.

[star68 in reply to cookie50]

I know, it's awful and being an anxiety sufferer doesn't help. Contact me if you would like to talk

[Delzek in reply to star68]

Star since my Mum died and my Dad, I have been a lot worse, thing is I can't talk to any of my family about how I feel, I used to be the one Everyone came to when they had problems the strong one, I was successful yet after my breakdown I lost everything my confidence went and has never come back, My Daughter understands how I feel and in fairness does try to help but I can't talk to her about it as she is the one who lost her daughter!

[mallet-head]

Ok Cookle, I have suffered this problem with holiday anxiety for 20 years or more, thought I was on my own with this one! It is difficult for others to understand if they are not in the “anxiety club” isn’t it? I try to pack early, maybe a week before or at least have everything laid out ready. Then, provided I have my credit card, anything I’ve forgotten can generally be bought where I’m going.

Is your anxiety just in the lead up to your holidays? Does it settle down when away? I go through absolute hell in the days before, then usually everything starts to settle when at the airport. I use guided meditation to help me relax to combat the anxiety. It helps me cope but so far no permanent solution. Hope it helps to know there’s more people out there working on the same problem.