The dreaded loneliness returns

[RachieW]

So lately I’ve been having a good run of “up” days... however I knew it wasn’t to last and it’s today that it’s hit me hard again!! Woke up feeling off balance and sickly which triggered my anxiety and I haven’t managed to get myself motivated all day and never made it out the house. Now as the night is here I feel lonely again as I have no one to chat with it’s a vicious circle

[bigjimmy]

I get the off balance thing sometimes but I don't let it stop me doing anything. I sometimes feel a bit lonely even when I'm not alone, think I have been like this most of my life. I sometimes think that something is missing.

I used to have quite bad anxiety but now I don't really have it much, I just learned to get on with things and now life is pretty normal.

Do you do anything to help yourself with it?

[RachieW]

I don’t usually let it stop me as I work full time. Having a tough time as my dad is terminally ill and it’s knocked me off my stride.. I’ve had it for many years but recently I’ve been worse. I’m on medication for my anxiety and depression as well as doing meditation and I listen to hypnosis recordings at night to help me sleep

[bigjimmy in reply to RachieW]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Does the meditation and hypnosis work?

[RachieW]

Yeh I’ve been doing the hypnosis for two weeks to help with sleeping as I have an addictive personality I convinced myself I needed sleeping tablets to sleep but I started the recordings to get myself off them

[bigjimmy]

Addictive personality, what exactly is that?

[RachieW]

It basically means that you develop addictions to things. I got addicted to sleeping pills because I convinced myself that I couldn’t sleep without them and then I became addicted to taking paracetamols before bed because I got convinced I wouldn’t sleep without them

[bigjimmy]

I understand now, sounds awful.

You must need to be really careful with things, it must be hard to deal with it all.

I had heard of this before but didn't know what it was, thanks for telling me.

Will you manage to sleep tonight and work tomorrow?

[RachieW]

It’s not the easiest to deal with and people I know don’t understand before they can’t relate. That’s why I’m trying the hypnosis because at least it’s nothing that can do any harm. I’m not at work till later tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to sleep later

[bigjimmy in reply to RachieW]

It must be hard for them to understand, pity there isn't a way to show them how you feel.

It's time for me to sleep now, thanks for the replies.

You can keep in touch with me on here anytime if you wish.

Goodnight Rachie.

[RachieW]

Yeh I suppose I’d feel the same if someone tried to explain to me.

Hope you manage to sleep well and thank

You for your kind replies

[Hidden]

Its not uncommon to have anxiety suddenly return during a period of good day's, but you say in your post that you knew the up day's wouldn't last, why shouldn't they last? anxiety tricks your mind into expecting the worst even before it actually happens, an anxious over sensitized mind will always expect the worst, you've been waiting for anxiety to return and so it has, it's a truly overwhelming and confusing illness, but the more you arm yourself with knowledge and understanding the easier it becomes to recover xxx

[RachieW in reply to Hidden]

I very often gets breaks in between attacks but I find it difficult sometimes to break the negative attitude i have done a lot more in the last year to try and beat it than I’ve done for many years so hopefully I can continue

[Hidden in reply to RachieW]

Yes it's difficult and obviously you have enough to deal with right now with your poorly dad, no wonder your anxiety has crept up on you, I would like to tell you something though, and as crazy as it sounds, to recover completely you don't have to do anything, honestly, just do absolutely nothing to fight it or avoid it, let the anxiety be there, this takes alot of practice and yes it sounds ridiculous, but it's about allowing all those unpleasant symptoms to come n go as they wish, e.g, your sat watching tv, suddenly out of nowhere anxiety is throwing all the unpleasant sensations, don't try n figure it out, don't question it, just accept it's there and do your best to stay sat n continue watching tv, by doing this your actually showing yourself that it's ok, once you start to believe it anxiety will gradually become unimportant and fade away, this attitude towards anxiety really does work, you just have to let it be there and do nothing, practice this technique each time and eventually you'll be fearless, anxiety will no longer be a problem xxxx

[Nora-B in reply to Hidden]

As we used to say in the 'old days'. Ignore it and it will go away. Not always easy I know but I need to follow this advice myself.

[johncraig]

As Suzie said it's a confusing illness and this is what makes it so frustrating trying to work out what triggers it again...it hides itself away then appears sometimes for no real reason..it's just trying to find the triggers and deal with those..obviously your dad is a main trigger for you and anyone would find that hard to cope with..it's great to hear you work and get out this shows you can beat it and are stronger than you give yourself credit for..anytime you are lonely just go online as they're many good people on here willing to listen and help...good luck..john.

[Bengy in reply to johncraig]

I have terrible anxiety and panic attacksbecause of being lonely day and night for past 20 years. I dont know how I keep staggering on

[johncraig in reply to Bengy]

our anxieties are strong but our will to live is even stronger as you have proved...hopefully you can use that strength to get help..just talking about it is a great start...john.

[RachieW in reply to Bengy]

Well I guess we can both find some company here

[lala_b2018]

I absolutely hate those types of days. It is the worst when you have a week of good days and make plans to do things another day and wake up and just don't have it in you. Throughout those days when I just lay in bed I will get a tiny burst of energy and think "oh! I am going to get out of bed and clean my room and run errands." and then five minutes later I lose all motivation and desire to do anything. I don't know if it helps at all but I know anxiety takes over at night and its even worse when you have done nothing all day. I'm here for you if you need some company to talk to.

[RachieW in reply to lala_b2018]

I know I have so much that I need to do but I’ll be dammed if I have the energy was going to bake a cake as well but I can’t be bothered at all. I’ve had a full on day at work and now I’m home Im back to my own company and I don’t like it much haha

[kenster1]

I'm kinda in the same situation as you.i work full time and my dad is terminally ill.im lacking sleep motivation anything that keeps me going I'm lacking.your partner working away is difficult aswell its a lot for you going on.im here to support/chat anytime.

[RachieW in reply to kenster1]

It’s terrible isn’t it. I feel so helpless.. I’m trying to support my father but I’m falling apart and don’t want his last months seeing me struggling I don’t want him to worry about me. It’s an awful time and I totally feel for you as I feel the same. I work in management and I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with the day to day issues. I could just hibernate for a few days happily but I know that won’t help. Thank you very much and I’m here for you if you want a chat likewise

[kenster1]

thanks be a hard day tomorrow its my dads birthday no doubt his last so ive been given the day off work could be emotional.your pretty much alone with lots of things going on in your life I hope being on here helps for you.i love lending a bit of support it helps me a lot.

[RachieW]

Bless you I really do sympathise with you. My dads birthday isn’t till the end of October and I’d be surprised if he makes it till then.. I hope so! I’m very alone at times just me and my irritating brain for company. I don’t find it easy to make friends with people as I’m very socially awkward and they think me rude. I do find a lot of relief coming onto this site and I like to give advice if I feel I can offer the right thing.

[kenster1]

I used to have lots of friends but when the deression/anxiety kicked in it dwindled down to a couple.if I'm in a group I feel out of place just like a picture in the background.its hard to fit in now even with people ive known for decades.

[RachieW]

That’s exactly me 😏 I’m the same. People couldn’t understand why I was quiet or down and therefore they kind of left me on my own. I don’t blame them they have their lives to live and life is precious but not one of the ones I do have, have helped support me with my father. I’ve never felt as lonely and I believe my watching my dad slip away is the trigger in that. I feel awkward around louder more outgoing people

[kenster1]

someone I thought was a close friend slagged me off for being depressed said I used my sons death as an excuse to claim sickness benefit but hey the doctor thought that aswell but when his brother suffered with short term depression everyone supported him but I never felt support like that from the same friends.every day I walk by the local church and say a wee prayer and bless myself maybe I will have your dad in my thoughts.