Even thought I kept myself busy cleaning garden sorting house then because I hardly move about due to illness I played guitar then a Guy came we had chat changed some meds but later about two hours later I started feeling guilty I think it was because my son younger brother came in he said to his baby see grandpa for some reason I haven't really shown any concerns but I've been like that with my other grand kids because of my depression and I avoid where a gathering of people can happen and I feel very uncomfortable and have to leave my x' s knows this and now my kids have grown they understand how broken ive become. You see living in fear for years will take its toll on you as you get older and my kind of buses was a lot of mental being made self conscious was about the worse I have no confidence low self esteem and I get good days but mostly bad tonight was guilt the past which I can't control just except and move on but the pain can hurt to much so I hit my meds more. TomorTomorrow again i will force to do something to get off this sette cobwebs are starting to become viable and the patio needs sweeping if I'm not to I'll like not being able to get fluids in me or I don't get an uncontrollable bout of worry I will do it I also have a list of to do. So that's my share.
I have been told to write more to others as I have a frein d on here Agora and because we have some things in common I tend to stick to one person. So don't feel I bring ignorant it's just the way my head is like with my kids I have one that needs me more so he has 90% of my attention. So by for now feel free to ask any questions. Dodo .
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Dodo777
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I hear you Dodo and can relate I am also like that sterring away from family gatherings and then feeling guilty for doing so agora is an inspiration can see why you follow here stay strong my friend we will get there don't be so hard on yourself you have suffered enough
Thanks Pat sorry took so long in replying I tend to put all my eggs in one basket in life. Yea I try and keep my brain busy as I know what isolation can do. I have cracked up a few times because of it. When you lose your mind you don't realise at the time it's when your better you realise the things I did was wrong silly and shameful.
Good to see you back in the forum Dodo. That can help a lot with loneliness. Knowing that wonderful people surround you and are supportive is a comfort in itself.
My son text me about an hour ago saying he had no fags no blow so I bought him 20 flags i got family size bars of chocolate so i took up 2 bars and 6 valium 10mg he was happy about that I was just like him and suffered because my mother would watch me withdrawl.
He was in bed when I went up cause twins was up all night he did tell me that but I didn't tell him I was coming up. When I have them I said I be off cause he looked shattered he said come here Dad and have me huge hug. Made my day. I am feeling really tired now been like this for a while I usually wide awake till early hours but been keeping busy perhaps it's that. The shivers have gone now so just veg and watch Dr Who.
Glad the chills are gone Dodo. I would just take it easy. You've had enough for the day. I know what that "huge hug" meant to both you and your son. Carry that good feeling with you.. Enjoy your evening.
I feel guilt putting the gags on his bill but I wouldn't have anything at all if I kept giving I don't charge for fuel and I put 30 in a week sometime because my driving is about 10 miles a week but for him it can be 80 to 100 easy ( that's miles not kilometres.
Yea means an awful lot. I always said I be there for him because of past and it's love it's the normal thing to do knowing someone is withdrawing or in pain it's a natural thing to do. Life is hard but harder if you haven't nobody to help. It makes me feel good in the process.
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I want to give up 
Repeating anxious conversations in your mind 
Anxiety loves to play tricks on the mind.
