Need some advice

[tomo87]

Hi everyone I struggle with everyday life, I have generalized anxiety disorders, depression, agoraphobia, panic disorder and struggle the most at getting g out the house.

I do drive and have a cheap runabout just struggle going out the house and it is getting worse.

My relationship is on the line here, everyday is a battle I am losing and don't know how much of this I can take.

Feel free up and can't shift this feeling at all it's affecting me being a dad to my kids.

I get angry a lot also have a really short fuse and have lost interest in everything.

I do have a consultant but struggle getting out to go to appointment's etc.

I am basically looking at my options but am lost in what they could be. Struggling financially and don't see a way out any help is better than none of there is anyone out there that is suffering like me or has done and is on the road to recovery please, please share any advice as it will be much appreciated many thanks. Neil

[Mpa5524]

Hello, I have been through the same as you many years ago, and recently with the gereralized anxiety, anger, etc. It does get better, please talk to someone like a counselor and they will be abe to tell if you need medication etc. I tried like heck to not take any meds and do it all natutal and I just couldnt. Currently on a low dose of prozac 10mg and thank God for it. I didnt know if I was coming or going. I felt numb. anxious angry you name it, and so far im on neutral where things that would bother me dont anymore. Finances also were a thing that stressed me out, cause I went from two people working to being single and the only one paying bills. Again it is tough but I forced and i mean forced myself everyday and thank goodness I did,, .. Feel better soon.

[Agora1]

tomo87, I had all the symptoms just like you. You can't help but get angry when something literally takes you apart piece by piece. The last straw for me was the agoraphobia. Unfortunately, it took 5 years of my life away from me because I couldn't walk out the front door. I had a therapist who first would come to my home and then we reverted to phone sessions. Sometimes it was multiple times a week just for me to get through the days. It's a lonely disorder for sure. One that people don't understand who haven't suffered through it.

I was bombarded with therapy day after day, year after year. It wasn't until I started putting to use what I was learning about mental illness and it's mind game. One day I had an "aha moment" where everything I had read and learned about anxiety and it's issues could only be overcome if I accepted it as not life threatening or dangerous. Why it took me so long was because I had closed my mind to everything that was before me and the negative thoughts overcame my rational thinking.

One step at a time (with the help of the therapist) I went out little by little. I realized that staying in the house was not keeping me safe from my fears because they were in my mind. I couldn't run away from the fear so why not venture out once again and live my life once more. Scared at first but it got better each time I succeeded. That was only several years ago and I'm once again able to go out. I've learned methods to conquer the fear of anxiety through acceptance as well as knowing I would never allow myself to get into that position again.

It was an expensive learning experience between the therapy sessions and not being able to work. But I learned from what life gave me. I found that for me, meditation and deep breathing can put me back in sync whenever some anxious moments should arise. And they will, that's life. But the few moments no longer have to take over and ruin relationships and time with family. Coming on the forum is one of the steps that will help you in going forward. Knowing that you are not alone will get you the strength and stamina to accept these issues. As you do, they will start dwindling in intensity and frequency. As you feel more confident in yourself, depression will lower.

It's about being back in control of your life that will get your anger to lessen as well. Being trapped in a cycle of fear begets fear is the worse. Once that cycle is broken, things will get easier. Believe in that, Believe in yourself.

[Jeff1943]

O.K. tomo87, the first thing is you aren't going to feel this way for the rest of your life. Your mind, body and nervous system are all reacting normally to an overwhelming amount of stress and worry in your life. Most people here are going through what you are going through, you are not alone.

Take for example your agoraphobia: this is the mind's way of trying to protect you from dangers it perceives by making you stay in your 'safety zone'. But as we don't live in caves and there aren't dangerous dinosaurs wandering around outside it's not a help. Like all your symptoms it will pass in due course.

When you go through a period of stress, over-work and/or worry after a while your nervous system can't take any more. It becomes over sensitised. In this state we develop all kinds of unpleasant symptoms, many imitating real physical illness. But they aren't, they're all fake fraudulent symptoms caused by sensitive nerves playing tricks on us. We can also experience panic attacks and the smallest problems become magnified ten-fold into impossible obstacles.

The road to recovery depends on correcting the CAUSE of anxiety disorder and not the SYMPTOMS. Heal the cause and all the symptoms will resolve.

It sounds to me that with family and income responsibilities you would benefit from the fast respite that only medications can bring. Don't listen to little voices saying meds will make you a zombie or they have terrible side effects and you'll become addicted. You won't and they can't - if one doesn't do it for you there is always an alternative. Discuss with your doctor.

But the eventual aim is to return to normal without taking meds for ever. You can do this by face to face therapy such as you are already doing - or you can follow the methods for self help and recovery set out in books written by people who know what they're talking about.

One such is a book written many years ago by a Doctor Claire Weekes. She wrote that fear, and the fear of fear, is what keeps our nerves sensitised. Our nerves give us unpleasant symptoms, we react by flooding our nerves with fear hormones which causes more sensitisation which causes more symptoms and round and round we go in a vicious circle. To recover we must break that vicious circle.

Claire Weekes said the way to do that is to frame our minds to accept all the bad feelings calmly and with the minimum of fear FOR THE TIME BEING. Stop fighting them (which only causes more stress and tension) and instead accept the symptoms completely knowing full well they are tricks of your nervous system and by accepting them their days are numbered. Because you can't accept something and fear it at the same time.

Acceptance takes practice and persistance, it's not going to cure you of months of bad thinking in an afternoon, a day, even one week. But sooner or later Acceptance allows your nerves to become less sensitised and this will lead you to recovery.

Claire Weekes' books on her Acceptance method have been reader reviewed by 1,750 people if you add together amazon.com and amazon.co.uk. Of these 90% claimed it was either Very Good or Excellent. Many described it as life saving.

The U.K. version of her main book is titled 'Self help for your nerves' and the U.S. version is titled 'Hope and help for your nerves'. You will soon recognise yourself in its pages. Many feel it was written personally for them. It brings understanding, reassurance and eventual recovery from all your symptoms. It's available new or used from Amazon for just a few £$€.

I commend this book to you and wish you all speed towards your recovery which will surely follow.

[rgb123]

Hi there how long have you been experiencing anxiety for? I'm only 18 and I've been suffering with anxiety for just over a year and it's very mentally and physically draining. I really suggest going to counselling because it really gave me a push to challenge myself and overcome it. I still challenge myself to this day and I know that going out of the house is bloody terrifying but i know that i'll always feel proud when I've come home. I know this sounds cliche but things really do get better and trust me on that Also accepting your anxiety helps you become stronger as a person and you'll know that you can rely on yourself and also prepare if another rough patch occurs. Always remember that it doesn't go away over night and that it will take some time but try and keep a positive mindset and remember your family will love and support you no matter what!

Rhian

[Cat33]

Hello Neil I am very sorry to read how you are feeling and your daily struggle Firtsly there are so many people who are going through the same so never ever feel alone

My first advice would be to get Dr Claire Weekes books she does one on agoraphobia her books were my lifeline She always says no matter how ill you are you can and will recover

DARE by Barry McDonagh is fantastic too

I was like you but I got well purely by losing my fear of the symptoms of anxiety Don't feel you will always be like this you won't Take care of yourself and good luck you will get there and live life to the full again

[Wyominganxiety]

I also have agoraphobia ans pabic disorder, it was to rhe point i was barwly leaving my house making wvery excuse why i couldnt do things everytime i did get out i would get a ride and grab whatwver i needed quickly just to get home!! My fiance ans kids basically didnt have me. I finally had enough i wasnt getting better alone i made an appointment which i stressed over everyday up to the day and the day of was a nightmare!! But its been 6 months on medication i still get really nervous but i am able to get out and about i actually have 3 jobs, and everyday is getting better!! Dont give up if i can do it you can too!!

[flaxxy703]

feelings are not facts they lie and deceive you and tell you of danger when there is none, bear the discomfort and comfort will eventually come, we get well in proportion to the amount of discomfort we are willing to bear, when we feel the worst and try the hardest we make our greatest gains, we are a capable lot but paralyze ourselves with needless fears, every nervous fear is a unrealistic fear {nervous fear is the fear of discomfort, replace a negative thought with a positive one, we keep our symptoms alive by preoccupation, imagination, and exaggeration; the favorite pass time of the nervous patient is self torture regarding negative thoughts, your feelings and sensations are merely a harmless outpouring of a nervous imbalance distressing but not dangerous, dwell on a thought expand and deepen it and the skies the limit to which you can work yourself up, a pain felt right now is always worse than one that is merely remembered every experience fades in memory. TRY AND MEMORIZE SOME OF THESE SPOTINGS THAT MAY PERTAIN TO YOUR DISCOMFORT AND REPEAT THEM. HOPEFULLY THEY COULD HELP YOU. stay well Tony

[Jeff1943 in reply to flaxxy703]

You truly understand, flaxxy703.