Any help I’m new here : I can't even find... - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support

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Any help I’m new here


I can't even find words to explain a lot of what I am feeling but it feels like I've been taken over by some terrible thing inside me. I wake in the morning with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know there is nothing to fear or nothing bad that has happened but cant shake the feeling of dread. I try to move on in thought but thinking even positive thoughts about the good things in my life bring on a surge of this grief like feeling of emotional pain along with a sense of rising inner panic. It feels like someone died. Just thinking about making breakfast or other simple tasks fill me with dread and a feeling of being utterly unable to cope or be in my own skin. I look at my beautiful baby daughter smiling at me and the panicky feeling rises. I think about my partner who I love and doing something with him after work but again the panicky doom feeling. Looking at my belongings makes me feel strange. Doing things I normally do feel strange and I get a weird feeling like i cant cope with existing. I cant explain why Then towards the end of the day I feel strangely normal again. Its like I'm back to myself again. Then the following day the cycle starts again. Anyone that can offer any insights or anyone that can identify please help me It feels really weird I don’t feel like me I feel weird I feel I’m loosing my soul or dying idk..

21 Replies

Definite can relate. Its a sense of dream, doom, or gloom. Its hurtful going through the day like this. And to a point when it makes you dread the next day. I can also relate to how even when you try to think of all the positive things going on in your life or around you, then anxiety still brings about a sad feeling or make you think the worst of a positive thing. Its like I come to the worst conclusions about everything. I think everything means something bad will soon happen or is going to happen.

We are all here to support you and give you the tips or advice you need in your journey through this.

I wish us the best through this. Welcome to the community!!!

Amarilloxxx, Welcome to the Anxiety Forum.. sounds like you can use some help and support. What you are feeling is severe anxiety. Mornings being the worse part of the day because of the higher levels of adrenaline in our body. As the day goes on, the levels drop until you start to feel more normal in the evening. The fear is always with you because you anticipate the next day starting the same as you go to bed. The negative thought is implanted in your brain as the seed of fear is ready to grow within your subconscious during the night.

I understand fully in what it feels like and the fear behind what you sense. The fear is a lie. A lie caused by your mind. It's telling you that something is not quite right and with that thought (just as with a smoke alarm) the Alert signal goes off in your body causing more adrenaline to pour out.

I personally use meditation and deep breathing every single day. I start my day in listening to a CD or relaxation tape. As I imagine and listen to what is being said, I am deep breathing slowly. When through I get up and start my day and push aside any negative thoughts or sensations. Mid afternoon, I find a quiet place to escape for 5-10 minutes. (that is all tht is needed)..I tune into YouTube. I typed in Audio Relaxation/Deep Breathing (5-10 min versions) The escape for that short time is amazingly comforting and prepares me for the rest of the day.

Before bed, if it's been an anxious day, listen to the meditation and do deep breathing one more time so that the last thought on your mind is peaceful and calming...Do not take any electronic devices to bed with other than the CD/tape. It's all about repetition. Use the forum for additional support and understanding. You are never alone. Think positive, this will pass in time. xx


Just let your fears get the best of you and when you do that it will go away just face whatever your scared of and when you do that you will be fine and it will be hard at the starting but it won’t when you know how to control it keep your head up 👍


Crazy that you write this! It's exactly what I was experiencing this weekend intensely!! Thankfully the past two days it's been a bit better but Omgsh you explained it perfect!! Like every bit. I would look at random things in my home and just doom and gloom would wash over me which would lead to me panicking because the feeling was so terrible. I thought I was going insane because I didn't know where these feelings were coming from. You say you just had a baby? I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and I definitely think hormones have to do with these feelings and fluctuating emotions. If you've recently had a little one, don't forget that your hormones are still balancing and could be making a huge difference. I'm so sorry you feel this way. Sleep mama! As much as you can. It makes a huge different and make sure you're eating enough and well. Don't be afraid to ask for a little help from medicine to get you back on your feet while you build up your strength. I used to be so against medicine and yes I overcame my first big fight with anxiety a few years ago without any, now that it's trying to come back I would be happy to ask for a little help just to give me a kick start to feeling better.

Best of wishes to you. Please write if you ever need. It WILL pass, thankfully.

I've felt this as well. And when you used the word " grief" it's spot on. It's as if you know intellectually that it's absurd and makes no sense but it's still there physically or mentally. I too get some relief later in the day. I also find that being ' inside' my head doesn't help. Listen to all the advice you are given and also have a go at Claire Weekes method. She's been a massive help for many including myself. Stay strong.

Thanks everyone for there words of wisdom and sheer passion within helping me with what is going on I deeply appreciate it and all you have said I am getting a little better knowing people are going through the same thing and knowing that it’s normal I does give me hope and peace of mind agora1 you have great words of wisdom as I’ve been looking through your posts. I’m glad I’ve joined this site with amazing people who can talk me through and help with my situations and guide me much appreciated Amelia x

I'm a bit freaked out here... the original poster has copied and posted something I wrote on another forum 4 years ago. Even practically using an anagram of my username on that site. Here's the link to it :

I did private message her asking her about this in case she's genuine and just happened to see my post and it struck a chord and wanted to use it to convey what she's going through. She hasn't even had the courtesy to reply so just wanted to warn others on this site that she may not be genuine.

That is really scary!!

Clarita83 in reply to Jenrolil

That is peculiar, isn't it? Since you're the true original author of the post, I have to say you hit the nail on the head with the unwarranted feeling if "grief". Did that pass for you, Jenrolil?

It did get a lot better over a period of about 2 years. It wasn't completely gone but I was able to enjoy life again and wasn't constantly thinking about how I felt. Then bam 8 months ago it hit me again full force. Maybe even worse than before as my depersonalisation symptoms are worse.

How long have you been feeling this way? Are you on any meds?

Clarita83 in reply to Jenrolil

Have you looked into Claire Weekes? I know I gush about her but she's what had helped me tremendously.

I had been doing well for 3 years until about a month ago, that was my " bam". 😞 I think it was triggered by my grandma passing. I was dealing with that morning sense of dread and that veil between myself and earth. Even the sky looked weird. Then the morning fear left little by little, that veil thing lifted too, but that weird grief feeling comes and goes. It's horrible. I can't make sense of that. I did take medication 3 years ago during my first severe anxiety episodes. But this time I'm trying to cope without it.

Do you take meds? Are you talking to a therapist?

Yes I have had her books for years, since my very first episode with anxiety which was 17 years ago. I've never been able to implement her techniques. When I'm overwhelmed by the terrible feelings I try to do as she says and let them be as bad as they want to be whilst trying to accept and relax towards them whilst carrying on as normal but it just seems to intensify the feelings to the point where they are unbearable.

I'm not on any meds at the moment. I saw a psychiatrist last week who prescribed escitalopram but I haven't started taking it yet as I'm visiting my son who just started at university at the weekend and didn't want to be in a bad state with the initial side effects when I go. I'm also really terrified to start them. Did you find them helpful before? Did you get a lot of side effects?

Along with the grief feeling do you sometimes also get a feeling of guilt/shame. Again like the grief feeling in the sense you don't know why you are feeling it?

Clarita83 in reply to Jenrolil

It is true that it is harder for some to follow through with her methods. It's not very easy a focus ( or not focus) when one is too preoccupied with symptoms. Personally her book and techniques were part of my success but it it was assisted by a few therapy sessions and some medication, Zoloft to be exact ( 3 years ago)

Like you, I was afraid to start Zoloft and informed my psychologist that I refuse to take anything habit forming- she said we will start with Zoloft. She was very good about my treatment, she really listened to me and cared. She understood my fears and started me on a very small dosage and had me increase it little by little. I never went above 75grams during the whole maybe 8 months I was taking it. And yes, I was terrified at first but my symptoms ( unwanted automatic intrusive thoughts, not suicidal ones but a loud TV that seemed to have been looping old TV episodes or snippets of things I have heard people say) at that point were beyond what I could tolerate and I gladly took the pill.

As for side effect, everyone is different but it is true for most that the first few weeks as the medicine enters your system it is an adjustment. My Dr advised me to stick it out. It seemed at first to exasperate some of my symptoms- I also had weird dreams but they never felt real, they were very obviously dreams. Oh, weight gain, too. I have forgotten how long it took for the medicine to kick in to reach a " good" point, I want to say 1.5 months. And it was worth it. Those uncomfortable side effects and anxiety symptoms, the intolerable ones, go away. That strong fear in the morning goes away, too. Eventually I was back to my old self. Don't let the medicine scare you. Do give it a chance. You might be the lucky one to not experience side effects. Believe me, they do help. I am keen to see how you go with it. If you want to write to me once you start them you may do so. Also important to keep your Dr in the loop :) You will be fine. I am the most wussy person alive! If I could take medicine and come out of it well, anyone can. The only reason I am not on them now is because my current anxiety is not as extreme or severe as it was 3 years ago, thankfully. But my Dr told me she has prescription at the ready shall I need it.

Yes, I have felt the guilt and shame as well! Mainly toward my partner, however. That one is harder to describe but it is very much like the all too consuming grief feeling. I know intellectually it is utterly irrational, I know this, it is more confusing because there is nothing to feel guilty, fear or grief over. I have also felt nothing, as in no feelings for anyone and I started questioning whether I loved my partner or not. It is all too consuming at times. But we know what it is and we must learn to flow through it.

Jenrolil in reply to Clarita83

I have the exact same feeling about my partner and kids. I often feel like I no longer love them. I get this feeling like my whole relationship and what I felt before was just fake. Also the intrusive thoughts I can identify with. I get intrusive memories of the past coming into my head and although they are just of normal things that happened, nothing bad, they give me the terrible feeling of fear/doom/grief/guilt and a feeling like they are unreal or not my memories(depersonalisation maybe) or that I felt like this at the time although I know I didn't. I also get really vivid memories of my dreams coming into my mind. Dreams from years ago and in great detail. It's all so strange isn't it?!

Thanks for your advice re the meds. I know I'm going to have to be brave and try them. I can't go on feeling like this.

I hope you feel better soon too. This anxiety/depression whatever it is truly is hell on earth at times xx

Clarita83 in reply to Jenrolil

It is interesting. I'm sorry you're going through such feelings. Bear in mind it's not crazy, it's chemical in the brain. They go berserk on some of us. The weird thoughts and reliving old dreams in detail is part of it, it's all interconnected I believe. I'm glad you're addressing it by giving meds a chance. If only mental health was more front and center a topic, we probably wouldn't feel too weird about going through this.

Indeed it is hell but it's not going to win. And you're not alone. xx

I know this is an old post but going through your comments I identify with every last one of them . I feel like I am stuck in some weird mind frame that doesn't allow me to fully connect to myself or my life . I feel like something else is trying to take over and I will lose myself and become someone different . I have exstinential thoughts that drive me up the wall that makes me feel like life doesn't matter . Who am I? What does it really mean to be me? It's just such an AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL place to be .i don't connect to my reflection I'm actually scared of it ... my memories make me feel that doom/ dread feeling it's all surreal. I can't believe that someone is even capable of feeling these feelings. I just want to snap out of it you know? And live . Live without all the feelings that feel so real . Any words of advice guys ?

Jenrolil in reply to KrissNique

Hi KrissNique,

These feelings are truly awful aren't they?

What is it about your memories that triggers the bad feelings? Is it something specific? Do they feel alien to you?

KrissNique in reply to Jenrolil

It is immensely horrible!!! And my memories just feel alien .. like I know they happened but the fact that they feel weird makes me sad . My pictures make me sad . Reflection scares me ... because I'm not connecting .

Jenrolil in reply to KrissNique

For me it actually feels like I had this terrible feeling in the past like it's in my memories even though I know I didn't feel like this then. It's a very weird feeling. I also get the sad feeling about the past and loss of times gone by. Like extreme nostalgia and almost grief for the past.

KrissNique in reply to Jenrolil

Same here .. I feel like I might've had this in past because I've forgotten what it feels like to be normal 😞

Hiya I’m not a qualified doc but have you maybe been checked for post natal depression as you say you have a baby girl .... Thats when my anxiety started with post natal depression .... know the feeling of bad butterflies in your stomach as you wake up and also feeling like something VERY BAD is going to happen.... it’s awful! I used to imagine terrible scary scenarios like actual visions of being in harms way and not being able to stop anything ... really wish you all the best xx

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