Hello. I just found this website whilst searching for help on social anxiety. My life has been on a downward slope lately. Mostly because I feel lonely and lack motivation. I have friends but when they make plans I dodge their calls and try to make up excuses. When I'm at my university, all I can think about is getting home as soon as possible. I can't find the courage to talk to new people. I constantly feel that I'm not smart enough or they already think of me as weird. It sounds silly, it does the same for me but somehow I can't help it. When I'm meeting with some relatives, I get the feeling that nobody will miss me and it gets awkward a lot. These are the people I have known all my life! I thought this was a only a phase at first and it'll pass but it's now starting to damage my life and career. I'm in my senior year and my grades have gone downhill, some of my acquaintances when they hear of it, ask me 'You used to be good at this stuff. What happened to you?'. And I have no answer for them. I also struggle to talk with strangers and mostly the opposite sex. I am way too conscious of myself most of the time. I'm one of those guys that doesn't have a profile picture anywhere because I fear being judged.
When I was in school, I feared becoming exactly the guy I am now. And I think it's getting worse. I'm drifting away from the few friends I have left. I want to be better, I want to be confident and be happy with myself. Anyone who's previously gone through this, how do you get past it? Does meditation help? I've heard that the only way to get through social anxiety disorder is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. I neither have the money nor the courage to tell my family what I'm going through. In fact, I'm not even sure if I suffer from social anxiety disorder or just socially awkward. There's still a lot stuff I feel I'm missing out in this post and I've not correctly described my symptoms. Maybe that's just me. Idk.