Anxiety

[coolusername]

Lets have a little back story.....I've struggled with anxiety for I'd say the most part of my life, although I was only given a firm diagnosis a few years ago. I also suffer with fairly frequent panic attacks (yeah, I'm a pretty lucky gal). I've gone through many different treatment plans, whether it be medication or psychotherapy of different models. So far, it's hard to see any improvement.

What is SO frustrating is that I feel like my brain is of two minds; the one side is screaming at me that I'm about to die at any second, that I'm not breathing properly, that my heart is going to give out. And the other, a much quieter voice, is telling me that I've been through this before, that it's just me overthinking, and that I'm going to be OK. It's all a bit overwhelming to say the least.

So you can imagine, whenever I am sick, or have the slightest discomfort my poor little brain goes into overdrive and I begin to rationalise that I must have cancer, that I must have porphyria, that I must have sepsis, or be having a heart attack. And as these thoughts become louder and louder, it feeds into the anxiety and panic, and then the physiological symptoms get worse and worse. (shaking, short breaths, hyperventilating, sweating, feeling faint, heart pounding)

My only worry is; what if one day I am genuinely sick but I pass it off as an anxiety/panic related episode? How do I go about seeking help when it is actually needed?

But it's this thought that makes me even more anxious. (Yeah, I'm not a great person to be friends with either, although I'll definitely make your life seem a hell of a lot better...silver linings)

I've found the only peace from it all is when I'm distracted - idk if that'll help any of you in the same boat as me? But when I'm really engaged in something else, my thoughts are not on my imminent death for once

[Lyns1411]

thats exactly what I'm like. If I'm distracted and busy I don't suffer as much but when I'm trying to relax and ready for bed I'm ill with anxiety as I have time to sit and think about things

[AshleighMae97]

I'm exactly the same! I'm constantly worried that I've done something wrong, that I'm about to lose everything, that something in my life is gonna come crashing down. However, when I'm busy I'm completely fine, it's when I'm alone or not doing anything to stimulate my brain that it flares up mainly. I have a question - does anyone else's come up for absolutely no reason sometimes? Like there's just no explanation other than a bad day/week?

[coolusername in reply to AshleighMae97]

That sounds so awful! Are you getting any treatment for it? Yes, literally mine will pop out of what seems like no where! However, a few of my therapists have said that it comes from a triggering thought/event that you don't consciously realise your thinking. Sometimes, my brain purposely gives myself thoughts, which is irritating because I know then that I'm doing all of this to myself!

[AshleighMae97]

Yes I'm on tablets for now, thankfully. Me too! I've actually been aware of that as well, I'll feel like I'm forcing myself to think it when I don't even mean to. It's so annoying because then it does seem like I'm just doing it to myself when I actually can't control it. It's a bloody nightmare!

[elizabethbinion]

I'm the same way, how will I know when and if something is ACTUALLY wrong and not pass it off as anxiety. That's a huge fear for me!

[Littlelady8585]

I'm the same way I don't think as much when I'm busy, but I'll notice to myself during what I'm doing ( oh I have not had a attack , what if I have one now) than it will go away . It definitely effects me more of I'm trying to watch TV an relax or B4 bed or of course if I'm leaving the house

[QuirkyKonomi]

Hi Coolusername

I am very similar, and am in the processes of rehabilitation (cbt etc). However wondering whether symptoms were my own or were real was always a real problem of mine. As an anxious person you are more aware of what your body does than other people. (Notice your heartbeat more, your breathing, any ache or pain etc). This really was a difficult thing for me as sometimes I have called the doctors and even visited hospital units to be checked. All always fine!

The only thing that I can say to help comfort you is that when something is really wrong, there is no second guessing, you just know. The reason I know this is that part of my anxiety gives me pains in my tummy, (most likely associated with IBS.) however one morning I woke up in severe pain. I mean pain where I could barely walk or even put any underwear on! My husband took me to a&e and turned out I had a kidney stone. Nothing life threatening and I was even out the same day. While this was unpleasant, it taught me that there is a difference between when I think I may be ill, to actually being ill. Normally when I am worried I am NEVER 100% that I am ill. I worry about what it could be and if it is something. When I had my kidney stone there was absolutely no doubt about it.

While this might be different for other people, I do take faith that despite all the annoying things anxiety throws in my way, that my body will send my very clear signals when something is really really wrong!