Obsessed with anxiety

[Richy626]

Hey all has been some time since I've posted here, but all of a sudden I've hit a massive low and it's just driving me insane!

Once I realised I have anxiety it's become an obsession, I managed to set off a panic attack on purpose last year which I didn't think possible and since then I've been scared that the slightest thing will set it off, and u guessed it the vicious cycle I'm in now is now anything and everything u name it the way things move, look, imagination, thoughts, memories of anything, my brain now seems to be on automatic pilot to react in these horrible physical ways to them all and then some!

I was put on anti depressants which only served to make it manifest itself in weird ways, muscle spasms, pins and needles, losing touch with reality, stabbing sensations, burning sensations, sometimes feels like my brains electrics are just going bat shit crazy even though I know they aren't as u can't feel your brain, I came off the anti depressants last year but it still continues to do that stuff now rather then panic attacks and head and neck tension which is how it started off.

Now it's all my mind keeps coming back to like automatic pilot and I can't stop it!

I was testing myself and my mind to begin with over n over, I don't particularly know the reason why, maybe it helped me feel safe in some sort of wierd control way, but when I tried to make a panic attack or the anxiety happen on purpose, I didn't think it would actually happen and it did, I've never recovered psychologically from that I'm always tense that if it's that easy to set it off that my mind must be delicate or something.

Can somebody help me please out with this?!

Distraction is literally the ONLY thing that stops it temporarily but that is not the solution, not if I'm going to inevitably end up feeling like this within a few seconds of stopping anything I'm doing :(, and that's how it's been, for over a year now.

Without the panic attacks to climax it, it just stays with me practically 24/7, the few times I start to feel a little better, my mind believes it's inevitable I'll get worse no matter how much I try to either argue with that or ignore it.

It just feels now like I've created a bully in my head, and I can't stop it, I blame myself also for how this started, obviously that makes me feel worse too.

I did do group therapy at my community mental health team and now it's finished they discharged me, but in the long run, it hasn't helped!

I'm scared of my mind, scared of myself, scared of these feelings even though I know their ultimately harmless, and no matter what I tell myself I can't stop myself from being scared, the only way I would is if it stopped happening!

Can anybody say anything to help at all??

Thanks for whatever any of u say.

[Agora1]

Hi Richy626, I remember you....I'm sorry to hear all that's going on with you. Wow....that's quite a story. Kind of chilling. Like you created a monster inside your head that you now can't get rid of.

What were you trying to prove by causing yourself to go into panic. Just wondering. This is more than a learned behavior, it's more like you programmed your mind to be set to these negative thoughts that produce negative response. I usually respond to what I've experienced myself, but this is a new one. I'm not surprised in that I know how strong the mind is and that it can create any scenario but you seemed to have gone one step further, almost like a scientific experiment you were going for. This is going to have to take the response from the group as to what their input is.

I can imagine the head and neck tension you are suffering from. I have that as well, it's were I carry all my stress. I use deep breathing and meditation which still continues to work for me. Try not to worry. We have some good support on this forum. We'll help see you through this. Stay Positive Richy...

[Richy626 in reply to Agora1]

The panic attack that set all this off was at Thorpe Park, so the day after I believe when I did it, I was trying to proove that it wouldn't happen even if I did worry, so as I was walking to work, I imagined thorpe park around me and looking up at the stealth ride in front of me, believing I wouldn't have one and I'd beat it, but I did have one!! That's the paradox that has screwed me up so badly! Thanks for your encouragement so far.

What I need are answers that help me for when I'm not doing anything, as oppose to the things u can do to distract u.

[Agora1 in reply to Richy626]

Richy, I use YouTube as my "go to". I do deep breathing all my waking hours even when I'm on the forum typing. It keeps my stress level low. I use meditation every morning upon awakening as well as every evening before I fall asleep. Every afternoon I take some "me" time and go over to YouTube where I listen to 5-10 minute meditation/relaxation audio videos. It takes concentration to listen and watch the serene background in each video. Believe it or not 5 to 10 minutes is enough to calm down both your mind and your body.

I hope you find what works for you. Pick and choose what others use and taylor it to your needs. Take it easy.

[Meeasy]

I've had some positive results managing my anxiety with mindfulness and meditation based therapies. I'm applying the concept of ACT- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and MBCT - Mindfully Based Cognitive Therapy

Here are some videos (short) that shed light on these treatments. Best of all they are free, do it yourself.

Feel free to share and explore. There are several other videos, books and websites. Google it.

The struggle switch

youtu.be/_1YEtxs6TdI(Not working as expected?)

Example of taking ACTion

youtu.be/GBzG7lMo2kI(Not working as expected?)

The 6 key tennants of ACT

youtu.be/RMWgrGUSlUQ(Not working as expected?)

A visual excercise

youtu.be/jrmKtaMqOh4(Not working as expected?)

MBCT Explained. TED talk

youtu.be/1A4w3W94ygA(Not working as expected?)

MBCT Free guided meditation excercise

(Start with the short ones)

m.youtube.com/channel/UCaxx...

[Richy626 in reply to Meeasy]

Thank you for your effort, I'm off tomorrow so should be able to watch these vids, gonna have to face this again unfortunately being at the level it currently is.

[Pontiac1979]

We sound the same mine comes every morning I'm fine at night I don't want to get out of bed I force myself to get going those thoughts just keep coming every morning it's almost like a bad movie

[Richy626 in reply to Pontiac1979]

At night I'm still very bad until I start actually falling alseep, then it starts to go away as my mind does its thing and takes over.

But the Mornings are tough cause within seconds of me waking up it starts, and it's like here we go all over again.