New and Anxious!

[thislittlelight]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the group. I have had GAD since I was a teenager (I'll be 31 this month), as well as depression on and off through the years, and I had frequent anxiety attacks in highschool and college, which lessened over the years until recently. They started happening again about 3 months ago. I had hoped those would stay far in the past.

My anxiety has been through the roof for the last several months. I had an unexpected pregnancy in January (not unwanted though, but I have fertility problems and have never been able to conceive before) and then soon after, I had a miscarriage. I guess the anxiety really started getting bad again around that time.

My job started suffering, I was missing too much work because I was of course devastated, and then my anxiety levels just skyrocketed. It had been pretty well under control for about 10 years before this. I still had some bad days here and there, but nothing that I couldn't deal with. Now though, I'm having a very difficult time.

In May I lost my job - a job that I loved and never wanted to leave. I had been missing work too much, and it was brought to my attention that if I missed anymore, I would be fired. Looking back, I probably should have waited to be fired, but at the time the thought of being fired from a job was terrifying to me, I'd never been fired from any job, and I panicked and quit instead. I got a new job pretty quickly, but it's not a good fit at all, and now my anxiety levels are even higher because of that.

I no longer feel like I can handle going to work everyday, at least until I get it under control, but I also need the money. My fiance works, but neither of us is making a ton of money, and losing an income would make things really difficult. Which, as I'm sure you all can guess, makes the anxiety even worse. It's a never-ending vicious cycle!

My doctor put me on sertraline about 2-2 1/2 months ago, and at first they just made me more anxious. Now I don't feel like they are making it worse, but I also don't feel like they are doing anything to help.

I don't know, I just felt like I needed to reach out to someone who would understand today. My fiance has been AMAZING through everything, but I hate talking about it all the time, because I know he feels kind of helpless that he can't fix it. He's a fixer, and I know he would do anything if it would take it away for me. I have a couple of close friends, but they don't live around here. And I do talk to my mom, she's kind of a "suck it up and move on" kind of lady lol. Which is a great thing, she's an amazing woman, she just isn't really able to relate to how I'm feeling. It's hard for her to understand why I can't so easily just keep going and acting as if everything is normal.

So anyway I'm sorry for the novel. I just needed some friendly people this morning who know what it's like. Thanks for reading

[Judipat]

Hi

Yes, it's perfectly normal for anxiety to return after a long spell of being well, especially after a traumatic event like a miscarriage, then loosing your job etc.

It's very disheartening when this happens but I think the most important thing is to not let it overwhelm you. Don't let the thoughts, the feelings and physical symptoms become all consuming. You've overcome this once, so you can again.

Have you ever read any books on anxiety? Dr Claire Weekes explains the return of anxiety so well. If you've never read her books, I recommend that you get them. I've had them over 30 years and whenever I start feeling anxious, always go back to them..... they really helped me.

I also take sertraline, I was on citalopram.......may be worth discussing with you doctor to see if another SSRI would work better for you. I always take mine in the evening.....find that works best for me too.

Hope you feel better soon, don't hesitate to pm me if you want.

Judi

[thislittlelight in reply to Judipat]

Hello! Thank you for your response I'm definitely clear about why my anxiety has gotten to this point again...

Having a child has always been something very important to me, but I've known since my early twenties that I may never be able to. It was tough, but I came to terms with it. When I found out I was pregnant, I was almost 3 months along already (my periods are never normal, so until I started having symptoms I never thought to take a test), and I was over the moon. Happiest day of my life! And a week later, I miscarried.

Losing the job that was so important to me was also a big blow. I loved it there, it was something I had always wanted to do, and I honestly thought I would stay for a very long time. If I had stayed, I would have ended up fired, because I wasnt and still am not in a good mental place. But I hate that I quit.

I suspect that I'm also in a depression... But I'm already taking an anti-depressant, so I hope that I start feeling better.

Thank you very much for the author recommendation, I'm always up for a new author, especially on this topic. I have a few old standby books that I've read through many times as well, but never read her, I'll absolutely look that up! Thank you!

And thank you just for responding. It's good to know there are people out there listening, and understanding.

[Judipat in reply to thislittlelight]

Claire Weeks wrote her books years ago (she's dead now).... but she suffered anxiety and that was also her field. Her books are easy to read and make complete sense.

You can buy them off Amazon quite cheap.

[Nicki1984]

Hi there sorry for your struggle and your miscarriage. You have not mentioned but have you had any counselling or therapy? I have found this more effective than medication. We have to face anxiety and accept it. Just remember everything is temporary and I hope your situation improves soon x

[thislittlelight in reply to Nicki1984]

Hi there, thank you very much! I went to a therapist for several years actually... I found it helpful to a point. After a few years, I really just felt that it stagnated, and I was just going over and over the same things. At that point I felt like it was doing more harm than good, sort of like it was keeping me in a mindset that I was no longer in. I'm considering going back, but my insurance only covers a few visits, and my old therapist has retired since the last time I saw her, so I'll have to find someone new. In my area, there are not many options currently, but I'm looking. I think it's very helpful for me in shorter time periods when I have something going on that needs addressed.