Anxiety, Depression and Fear of Going Crazy (Can't Take it Anymore)

[toast122]

Hi everyone,

I am going through an extremely tough time right now and having difficulty managing my anxiety. Abouy a year ago, a traumatic event caused me to develop a severe anxiety disorder. It affected me so bad that I was unable to eat, sleep, or leave the house. It took me about a year to recover from having constant panic attacks every single day and crying until I couldn't breathe every hour for months on end. The derealization/ depersonalization was my MOST frightening symptom during the time as I constantly feared I was losing my mind and this was debilitating. After about a year, I've been able to somewhat recover. I still have severe anxiety, panic attacks, etc, but I am able to leave the house, eat, sleep, and live a somewhat normal life. I always told myself I would never be able to handle it if I had to relive that event again. (I don't want to mention the traumatic event as it is personal). Anyway, here I am, a year later, and history has repeated itself. The same thing happened again, the thing I said I wouldn't be able to handle. It's affecting me like crazy. I'm having panic attacks, constantly feel like I'm losing control/losing my mind (my worst fear). I am having nightmares, and my stomach is constantly in knots. I feel extremely nauseous and am scared I will be sick (I have emetephobia, severe phobia of v*)- this is causing me even more panic attacks. I've also noticed that I'm getting angry really easily, snapping at every little thing. I feel like crying all the time, I feel like I can't go on like this. I'm starting to feel scared to leave the house again, and my symptoms of depersonalization/derealization are coming back. I can not handle this. Not to mention, I'm starting first year university in 2 weeks. I don't know how I will be able to cope. I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown, which is my worst fear. I do counselling and it has been working but I feel like right now, the anxiety is too large to tackle. I also take ativan here and there to calm down during panic attacks but it's not very long lasting. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry if my post was confusing, I just tried to lay it all out.

[_Reba_]

So sorry to hear about your struggle.

I don't really know what to say but it will get better! It may take you a while to recover again but you will.

Maybe uni will help take your mind off things. Since I've finished school, I've noticed an increase in my anxiety. I just try and busy myself until I no longer think about my anxiety.

It does sound awful. I've never had it that bad so I don't know how it really feels. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope to see future posts with some improvements

[toast122 in reply to _Reba_]

Thank you so much

[_Reba_ in reply to toast122]

Take care.

[MerisaAWeeks]

Dear Tat122,

I completely understand the fear of "going crazy"; however, remember, if you are here asking if you're going crazy then you are not!! This is just the anxiety talking. I had a medical event occur, mini-stroke at 42, and now I have been diagnosed with GAD. I realize that I have good days and, for the lack of better words, shit days. I have learned that it is okay to have these SD and they will pass. Don't be so hard on yourself to be well overnight. I am a successful business women and I refuse to allow GAD to define me or take away my life. Life is not perfect but if you will focus on small steps. Before this all happened I was highly active at the gym, loving, extremely organized, and HIGHLY TYPE A. I have to realize that I may not become what I was in the past, but I can find a new normal. This is what I pray for you!

[toast122 in reply to MerisaAWeeks]

Thank you so much, your story is very inspiring and gives me hope

[MerisaAWeeks]

Anytime!