Anxiety, depression, confusion, possible depersonalization or derealization.

[Dallin88]

A few months ago I found out that I have low testosterone.(no real depression or anxiety at this point. Just mental fog, low libido, tired alot etc.) But my doctor did not want to treat it at that time due to my age and worries about future fertility. He thought maybe I just had problems with adhd so he prescribed me adderall. Adderall made me feel spaced out, and a bit anxious but I decided to stay on it to see if I just needed to get used to it. After a week of taking it i had a major panic attack while driving. I suddenly felt as if I did not know where I was and I felt super confused like I was going crazy. I stopped the adderall and for about a week I continued to feel confused, depressed and anxious but I seemed to recover mostly. Then about 2 weeks later it all came rushing back. The inability to think straight, depression, anxiety etc. It got to a point that I had to quit my job because I couldn't handle it anymore. I could barely get out of bed some days. My dr finally agreed to put me on testosterone replacement therapy about 3 weeks ago and 1 week ago I started taking zoloft. Since starting the zoloft I almost feel more anxious and I feel completely spaced out most of the time. I can technically still function and talk to others and such but it sometimes freaks me out and I feel like I'm going crazy. It's like I feel myself still inside at times but I feel so off like I'm just on auto pilot alot of the time. Has anyone ever had a similar experience to this at all? I will be honest and say that I used to drink a few times a month and I was a regular user of marijuana (mostly just for sleep at night not for recreational usage) up until my sort of "relapse" into depression and anxiety a few weeks after stopping adderall. (I haven't drinkin or smoked since then at all) any help or advice or personal experiences would be so greatly appreciated. I'll also add that I've recently started therapy and found someone I feel I have a good connection with but we have only had one visit so far.

[KimMc2002]

That sounds like a very typical panic attack then it sounds like maybe because of that panic attack you had some free floating anxiety or general anxiety. If this is new to you, then you have a great opportunity to change your thinking patterns before they become habit. I wish I had caught mine early, it would have changed my life! Do some reading on how to deal with panic attacks. 😊

[Dallin88 in reply to KimMc2002]

Yes I'm trying my best to get a hold on it as quickly as possible! I'm getting better about not letting it freak me out so much and just coming to terms with it being there. Hopefully through talking to a therapist, taking proper meds, staying healthy and meditation I can get it in control quickly! Thank you for your response it means alot!

[Hidden]

I have a similar issue except mine happened a few days after a surgical procedure. I blame a lot on the anesthetics (if that's what it was) but I guess it was stressful without me knowing it. I never had anxiety disorder or depression before that. I coped for a long time and still do. All your symptoms sound similar to mine. What did your first panic attack feel like? Like you had to get up and run and feeling confused?

[Dallin88 in reply to Hidden]

My first panic attack happened while I was driving. About 10 minutes before it happened I was working at a client's home (pest control) and started feeling spaced out and confused. After I left I was driving and it suddenly felt like my brain had reset or something. I thought I was going to pass out. I felt almost lost, and kept thinking i was going to loose my mind. My heart wasn't racing and I didn't get sweaty or anything but I sure felt panicked. That's how my panic attacks continue to feel. I don't get much of the physical symptoms, aside from crying and heavy breathing. mostly i just feel super confused and feeling like nothing will ever be right and I'm going to loose my mind.

[Hidden in reply to Dallin88]

I wonder if it was a delayed reaction from the medication? You had no other stressors going on within that time of panic? I know you said you don't get any physical symptoms but do you have any problems with muscle tightness anywhere? If you were to lay comfortable and fully relax, you don't experience any body sensations?

Lastly, what does your confusion feel like??

[Dallin88 in reply to Hidden]

At the time I was working 2 full time jobs ~82 hours a week working each day of the week with no days off so I'm sure that wasn't helpful. Other then that nothing too major going on. And I had one day of having a pretty stiff neck that went down through my left shoulder muscle but other then that I can't think of many physical symptoms. The confusion is hard to explain but I'll try my best. It feels like my mind is very narrow like I can't take in alot of whats going on at once. I feel sometime like I'm on autopilot. I function and talk fine according to others, but to me it feels almost forced. I also feel very foggy headed and spaced out alot of the time. I feel strongly that I'm experiencing some sort of mild depersonalization or derealization. But now that I have started to figure things out a bit I get less anxious and don't worry about it as much which has helped in some ways. I try to keep myself distracted as much as I can and try to not focus on the problems much.

[Hidden]

I think panic attacks can come from physical exhaustion as well as mental. Sounds like a combo of medication and physical exhaustion could be the case for you but who knows. Your confusion sounds similar to mine but mine can be so distressing as it rarely leaves my reality. I feel like I have a touch of dementia but my neurologist disagrees. As I said before, my life flipped after a surgical procedure. I don't think I've ever felt completely normal again. It does feel like my brain was stuck on a very high alert mode and malfunctioned trying to reset itself. I also had pretty bad hair loss which completely doesn't make things easier. Its so depleting and the only answer I have is anxiety. Strangely I found more people with post op issues so there's definitely a correlation.

Your physical symptom of left side tightness was ironically my very first symptom before I suffered from all the other issues. If I deeply relax, the same arm numbness and tightness is there and can feel tighter as i continue to relax. Strangely it goes away usually when I sleep. This is why I asked you what you felt if you deeply relaxed. If this is all anxiety, you may have some deep constriction in your body that keeps you in the mental fog loop? Just a theory though.

I hope you continue to feel better and thanks for your reply.

[Dallin88 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your continued replies! I will say that at the job I quit recently I sprayed for bugs which meant carrying around a container of liquid in my left hand alot. Could be a cause of some problems? Not really sure but I do think I'm going to start getting professional massages for a while and see if that eases some stress at all. I'll keep you updated on how things continue to play out if you're interested!

[Hidden]

It's possible that's where your tension started from. I would guess it stems from your panic issue though. Try laying in a real comfortable position on your back and deeply relax feeling as you breathe slow breathes. It's important to relax all your muscles and don't be afraid at whatever you feel or comes to mind just let everything pass. Try it for 20 mins. I'm just curious if you notice any muscle tightness especially on the left side or maybe other sensations? Massages are good for you too.

Sure, you can keep me updated good luck.