Support needed fed up.

[Richy626]

Well hey all it's me again,

I'm still in a very very bad place most of the time, it's still the case for me currently that every time I think something in my head or whatever something as simple as that about anything, my brain/ I react in muscle spams and pins n needles and random burning/stinging pains, all physical sensations I developed while on ssri medication, never had any of them previously just "normal" anxiety like butterflies in stomach, head tension n panic attacks, n though I came off the ssri LAST YEAR in November! It's still happening, I hate this it feels like my body is not my own, and my brain now goes from A to B in a millisecond!

I was trying to figure out what causes my panic attacks initially, and the thought came to mind maybe thinking quickly and alot puts stress on your brain, also I've read that when u imagine things, your brain can't tell what's real and what's not, the anxiety part of me then became scared to even think a word in my head and to imagine anything in case my brain thought I was somewhere I wasn't or something and I'd go mad, I realise the mistake I made by reinforcing these thoughts, but now it's just an instant physical reaction that I can't stop!

Though the ssri stopped the panic attacks, it gave me GAD instead which is even worse! Even experienced feeling of not being in reality while on them which scared me half to death! It's just non stop most of the time, even as I'm writing this my leg thigh muscle thumped then under my left knee thumped, pain down my right arm etc etc, I hate this so much, surely I should have recovered from the ssri by now?! I came off that stuff so these spasms would stop! I'd rather have the odd panic attack then this n im convinced I suffered a minor bout of serotonin syndrome after reading the symptoms, I even came off cold turkey, but it's still going strong!

Recently I got tested for blood but my calcium was a teeny weeny bit low that's it, magnesium was fine, calcium was so near fine they couldn't prescribe me anything so told me to take multivitamins.

Would a herbal medicine like kalms help with this?

It's obviously still anxiety but now manifests itself in physical ways that are so alien to me, feel disgusting, hurt and quite frankly drive me round the bend since taking these ssris last year!

Please respond? Any advice here? I'm all out of options with the docs, even diazepam has little to no effect, and rarely prescribed for addictive reasons.

Acceptance I try to do, but then the worry comes to mind that I'm feeling like this even though I'm accepting that I do, which means I'll always feel like this no matter what, also to add I do know this stuff can't actually kill me or make me go mad, but it makes me damn miserable and feel terrible.

[Agora1]

Hi Richy626, Wow...stopped SSRI cold turkey? Depending how long you were on it, that had to be unbelievably difficult in bearing the withdrawal symptoms. I will tell you this,.... I got off my benzos in a slow wean because of the length of time I was on Ativan and before that Xanax. Even at a slow safe pace in lowering dosage every 2 weeks, it took me a little over 2 years to be off completely. And that wasn't the end of the distressful symptoms. It was another 9 months to a year that it took for my brain to heal in not having drugs in my system. So it can very well be that you are still experiencing the quick stop of your medication and your brain hasn't healed as of yet. Drugs can help us but the brain also gets dependent on that drug. When we get off a drug, the brain needs time to learn how to manufacture the chemical imbalance naturally. Until then, the symptoms will break through. Eventually it will all come together. My best.

[Richy626 in reply to Agora1]

I had only been on them for around 4 months or so, and they changed it to 3 diff ones none of which agreed with me, I hear u on the length of time it can take, and though that's slightly reassuring, shouldn't it have calmed down at least a bit by now after like 6 months?

I did come back on here yesterday as I had an absolutely terrible day on Monday, it was 1st day of my new job and even though it went very well n consciencely I felt absolutely fine, as had seen the team and managers before i started n got on with them all so well, I felt the worst i had in ages all day, and now been on 2 days off and it hasn't stopped!! It's like it's tormenting me, having all the spasms and sudden huge thumps in the places I hate the most, and it keeps giving me pain sensations which it stopped doing a couple of months ago now as well, it really hurts, and my head has yet another new weird sensation going through it, none of my coping mechanics are working with this.

[Agora1 in reply to Richy626]

I would think on the short time you were on SSRIs, things would have settle down from being on the drug. However it sounds more like your symptoms are coming from the anxiety itself. 1st day of a new job causes stress but since none of your coping skills are working either, you might need to call your doctor or therapist as to what they can suggest to calm those symptoms down some. I know how difficult it is to handle all this.

[Richy626 in reply to Agora1]

Well it's weird cause before I was on them, I had none of this tinnitus, muscle spasms were non existent, worst I had was a slow twitch in my thumb rarely, but after I took them panic attacks stopped, then all this started, some of its calmed down, but the muscle twitching still reigns supreme, thanks for your encouragement, I cope better then I used to, only cause I've got more used to it, but wish these wretched twitches and hard thumping spams would go!

[Agora1 in reply to Richy626]

Richy626, Have you talked with your doctor about the muscle twitching you continue having? Always best to confirm that's what is going on. You have to remember that when taking an SSRI, it does affect your brain chemistry giving you that "no emotion" not in control feeling. It's purpose is to put you in another place for a while.

Having stopped your SSRIs "cold turkey" was not a good idea however that is neither here or there right now. Your brain was switched off abruptly from the medication that was providing these chemicals to your brain. I still feel it's your body adjusting to being off the med as well as you still dealing with the daily stresses of life.

Twitches, thumping spasms are all a part of our over sensitized nervous system. I have been off benzos for over 2 years and still, when under undo stress, get involuntary muscle twitches as well as a jerking movement forward for a second. I understand it, I accept it and I ignore it. I'm a Type A person, always have been and always will be. It will eventually go away.

As for herbal or OTC substitute, unfortunately I am a believer that anything we ingest is still not a guarantee for safety. With that, you will have to do what you feel best for yourself. My best to you with your job.

[poppet36]

Hi hope your job is going well. I think your symptoms are from anxiety itself. If you dont want to take meds try herbal stuff like 5htp and st johns wort. Message me anytime for a chat, im in the south east. X

[Richy626 in reply to poppet36]

Do those medications make u feel like vastly different at first or anything? When I first started on ssris it was madness! I felt like I wasn't in reality and couldn't feel my emotions or in control of them, scared the bullocks off of me! Don't want to ever go through that again as that coupled with other nasty physical surprises while on them got me signed off work for 4 months! So is it more of a gentle process/effect these herbal ones u suggested? Or even Kalms for example, not putting my job at risk now I'm in a new one so being careful, my body/mind are ridiculously sensitive to medication that alters my mood, diazepam and zopiclone are the only ones that agrees with me, but obviously diazepam is addictive so rarely ask for it and rarely prescribed, having said that it doesn't have much of an effect on me anyways, though it is 2mg, thanks for being there, I'm from Kent :).

[poppet36 in reply to Richy626]

Ive been on 5htp for neraly a week and seem to be getting along with it ok so far. I have 2mg diazapam too. X

[poppet36 in reply to poppet36]

Also im getting muscle twitching probably left from my prozac days which i only fully come off of completely after weaning my self off bit by bit about 2 - weeks ago.

[EdanaBrietta]

I completely understand where you're coming from. Muscle twitch or any kind of ongoing condition/illness really does decrease quality of life. I had nerve entrapment for 15 months which caused shooting nerve pain to go down from my elbows to my fingertips 24/7 during that whole time. The only thing that helps nerve pain is narcotics and I couldn't take those because I was community to university every day at the time. I was miserable and combining that with my anxiety (I thought the pain would never pass) made for over a year of physical and mental torment. But it passed, and yours should too. Try not to let it get in the way of your life. I know, it's easier said than done, but all we can do is try.

I find it's interesting that you started having muscle twitches after you stopped your SSRI. I was on Prozac for 9 months and a side effect of that can be muscle twitching/myoclonic jerks. I had those and it was awful! It took about 4 months of being off Prozac for the twitching to stop for me. You've already said you are more sensitive than most to medications, so perhaps that is one reason it has not subsided yet? Have you noticed a decrease in muscle twitching at all?