New Here. Lonely.

[MESAGE]

I'm wondering if anyone can relate. I'm married, a mom of two kids, I look and act normal. If you saw me, you would probably think I have my sh*t together. I'm now 45. I interact with people and make small talk. I have tons of "Hi!" "How are you!" "Nice to see you!" acquaintances I see daily, weekly. But that's it. I don't even have any friends. Zero. I don't know how to turn an acquaintance into a friend. How pathetic is that? When I see people talking on their phones, I wonder, "what do friends talk about when they call each other?" I truly believe no one has any interest in getting to know me. I feel like they're smart, because I wouldn't have any interest in knowing me either. I think people like me at first, then realize something's just not there. And I don't know what "it" is. I'm not sure why, but lately this is all I can think about: I have no friends and I'm so lonely. So it's not like I have crippling anxiety or depression (although I have had bouts of that.) I just lack some skill that all other women apparently were born with. Well, my mom is just like me. So that explains the 'why.' But how do I change this? Does it have a name? Unfortunately, I don't there's a pill for it.

[Agora1]

Hi MESAGE and welcome to the Anxiety Forum. A safe place that offers us comfort and understanding. We all in some way feel alone because of our mental issues. The thing is to know that you are not. You have the makings of having things to talk about by just having children. Depending their ages it could be from grade school issues to teen time. You can't just automatically turn an acquaintance into a friend if you have no interest. You sound like you are defeated before you even try because your mother was that way. Times were different in your mother's generation but that doesn't mean you are destined to the same lifestyle.

Self esteem is one thing that will help you move forward but more than that is a genuine interest in what others have to say. Most people like talking about themselves or their families. Try putting the focus on them as an opening. Not everyone we meet is meant to be a close friend. True friends are far and few between. Most are just acquaintances we meet through life.

Finding someone with the same interests is a start. Using this forum will not make you feel so alone at least with your anxiety and depression and may give you some ideas as to what others use to move forward.

Having no crippling anxiety or depression is a plus for you. That "it" you are looking for is in you. It's not something you learn but feel for other people. And unfortunately no, there is not a "friend pill" that we can take. Start small in going to meetings or groups that feed into your interests in life. A sewing circle type thing in which you will start with something in common. That's how true friendships are born. Just saying "hi" "how are you" is just that, a general nicety. Start somewhere and move forward. Good Luck...

[MESAGE in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for your reply - I appreciate it. And it really helped

[Agora1 in reply to MESAGE]

MESAGE, If ever you need to talk, I'm a good listener. Please private message me and I will answer. x

[1994smilelove]

I understand how u feel.i have 1 friend and thats it seriously all the other people i talk to are family.so if your in need of a friend ill gladly help you out.we all just need someone to talk to.you can message me or add me on fb if you would like.

[Hidden]

Plenty off friends to be made on here, me being one if you want to?

I'm always up for a chat so don't be afraid to send me a message.

[Nicki1984]

Social anxiety? I'm the same. Depends how much effort you want to put into finding new friends? I struggle as have a 4 year old little time, money and energy. My friends dropped off the planet when I had a baby. Now I'm older I struggle to make new friendships. Maybe try some new hobbies to meet people that are likeminded? X