Sooooo lonely....

[Gidget1]

Hi-this is my first time here....

I have been depressed and have anxiety attacks and Lupus.

I have meds for everything but they all cause drowsiness which makes it hard to motivate.

I picked this site because I typed in I'm so lonely and scared & almost the exact same statement was written by someone for this site. At least I know I'm not alone

I feel I've lost my purpose, my inspiration, my creativity, etc. and I don't know how to go on day after day after day with limited mobility, no friends (they all disappeared while I was taking care of my mom and getting treated for Lupus. Surprise Surprise. Great friends, huh.) I'm so sad and bored. I know that in the past helping someone else has always helped me feel good, so I'm hoping to find something mutual here.

I'm 58 and live in Florida. My 29 yr. old son lives with me and helps out generously. He's my Sonshine. I also have a 15 yr. old Bichon Frise and a cute little Guinea pig named Halo 😇 because she is all caramel colored except for a perfect white circle on her head!

I spend a few hours on my terrace reading with Halo on my lap and my dog beside me.

I cook sometimes for my son, but other than that I'm lost, asea, afloat, adrift, hopeless and terrified.

All I need is one friend. Redirecting my focus will do wonders. ⭐️

[Agora1]

Hi Gidget1 and Welcome to this great support site. You are dealing with a lot and I

understand how sometimes medication can contribute to our feeling as well. Many

on this site have anxiety, depression as well as health issues. You certainly are not

alone in the emotional and physical pain you feel. I'm you reach out to us. Looking forward to supporting you through your journey. We are only a message away any

time you need a friend. xx

[Gidget1 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much, truly.

[minskore]

I feel exactly like you, feel alone and worried and scared (for no reason). I’m 54, female, live in Canada.

[Gidget1 in reply to minskore]

Where in Canada? I used to go with my now-ex-husband and son every Thanksgiving to my father-in-law's farm in Hamilton. I love animals so much and my son was little and could go through the barn finding the eggs the chickens had laid. But...it was COLD! And I'm originally from Connecticut.

Thank you so much for writing. Just seeing that I had a reply made me feel better.

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

I’m in Toronto, not far from Hamilton at all. What part of Florida are you in? Yes it’s cold here. Florida is a better spot weather wise. That’s why so many Canadians snow-bird to Florida for the winter 😄. My husband and I are planning a vacation to Florida in Dec for Xmas. I always feel really lonely at holiday time so I’m hoping being away from here will help me feel not so lonely. I hope this anxiety doesn’t follow me.

[Gidget1 in reply to minskore]

Thanks for writing back!

I'm in Venice (about 1/2 down on the left coast). Where are you vacationing?

Christmas is so weird in Florida! I lived in New England for over 40 years & had traditional warm, toasty, loving Christmases from the get go.

Now....we have the Christmas boat parade. OMG! People spend thousands of dollars decorating their boats. It's televised. Some are pretty great, but it's just not Christmasy no matter how many green & red lights you put on it! Spectators scope out their spots and put their lawn chairs there the night before so they get a good spot!

Are you driving down? ...and to where?

How do you do mentally on long road trips or on an airplane? I was lucky when we went to Canada. My husband & I took turns driving and we always stopped at Niagra Falls, duh, "oh, those American tourists! :)"-got VERY wet one time!

Do you have pets or hobbies?

I'll wait to hear ...😊

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

We haven’t decided what part of a Florida we’ll go to this year, in early Dec I’ll start checking flights (we’ll fly and rent a car there) and Airbnb places to see where we can find a good spot to relax, and meet new people, my husband is very friendly and loves meeting people. We usually go to Tampa or Clearwater area somewhere in that vicinity, etc.

I was always use to the traditional type of Xmas too but now it’s just my husband and me and it’s not worth the hassle to decorate and cook a big holiday meal etc anymore when it’s just the two of us...,it just feels easier to escape it. I think it’s part of the anxiety.

All of our friends have their own families to spend holidays with, and my husband has two grown kids from a previous marriage.... but they have their own lives, and I don’t have kids or family. Sometimes I really miss having someone to chat with over coffee or just open up and share. It’s hard to find good friends or make good connections because everybody lives hectic lives and don’t really have time for friends anymore. I often wonder why anxiety and depression is so common in today’s society and I think part of it is because society has lost that sense of community, too many people feel isolated even in the midst of a busy city. I was reading the other day that in countries where they still have that sense of community there are far less rates of anxiety and depression.

Are you retired, or you still working? I’m still working, business manager at a construction company. My husband is retired but he took on a part time retirement job to keep himself busy, shuttle driver for Toyota.

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

PS: forgot to answer your question, I don’t have pets, never have. My husband loves pets but he’s very allergic so we don’t have any. I don’t have any hobbies. I work long hours so don’t have much time for anything extra curricular at this point 🙁

[Gidget1 in reply to minskore]

What kind of work do you do...if you don't want to say, that's okay 😊

[Gidget1]

I have time to be a reliable friend. I don't work and my parents left me money. I did qualify for disability because of Lupus, but I couldn't get it because I had too much money. They told me I was allowed to have $2,000 and a car. And that's it. Anything more would disqualify me. I said, "if I was a quadriplegic would I qualify? She said no. I had too much $.

I'm not talking millions here.

Traditional Christmas is a thing of the past for me I fear. Christmas used to be my favorite day of the year. Now, I get "sadly nostalgic" I think is the best way to phrase it. Bittersweet. I do still send Christmas cards through the post office. Real cards.

I'm just now trying the app for this site and I hate it! Do you have problems with it?

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

Such a stupid regulation, you have too much money to qualify for disability. Just because you have money doesn’t mean the disability is not taking its toll on your body.

I wish I had that problem.

Up until this anxiety problem started I loved my job, and never thought about ever wanting to quit or retire. But this anxiety makes me feel like I don’t want to do anything anymore. I still need to work for a few more yrs, i have no choice but to stick it out mentally, it’s s real challenge these days though.

I don’t have any problems with the app, just that I’m still learning how to use it. I don’t know if our conversation is private or public.

Yeah I use to love Xmas too, still do, but without people to celebrate with it’s not the same.

I don’t know much about lupus, how disabling is it? Are there treatments or cure for it? Is it physical or neurological ?

[Gidget1 in reply to minskore]

Hi!

It's called the disease of many symptoms. It effects my joints, causes depression and anxiety attacks, extreme fatigue, hair loss in some, rashes, kidney problems, you name it. It gave me a heart infection in 2000, an ulcer in my ankle-to the bone-in 2011, emergency colon reconstruction surgery in 2014, 2 hernias needing surgery in 2015 & another hernia needing surgery in 2016. Whew!

I feel like a sitting duck!

I used to wish I could stay home in bed all day, and, as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for! Idle hands are the devil's playground, my mom used to say. Too much time to think =worrying & fears. "My mind is a dark room, it's where I develop my negatives!"

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

It sounds very debilitating. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Now I feel ashamed that I’m only dealing with anxiety and depression and for no good reason. I feel stupid. I cannot figure out anything in my life that’s wrong, that would cause me to feel this way. You’ve got so much more to deal with than me. I just wish I could cut open my chest and make this extreme pounding in my chest stop. I admire you for your motivation to maintain a purposeful routine, etc.

[minskore in reply to Gidget1]

How are you feeling today Gidget?

[Shellbell53]

Hi gidget. I have lupus too, and I lost my friends too. It's lonely getting treated for this disease. I hope being on this forum helps you. I feel the same way as you lonely, and I have anxiety attacks. Please feel free to contact me thru this forum. I will come here more often because I need a friend too.

[Gidget1 in reply to Shellbell53]

Thanks for writing back. I’ve discovered some really nice people here already.

I was getting to the point where I thought everybody was too into themselves to reach out & help.

Thanks, truly.

me

[Shellbell53 in reply to Gidget1]

I live in Texas. I'm so glad you answered me. I'm 66 but I'm really really young at heart! I love pets of all kinds and especially love dogs. So I'm glad you got some good replies to your post!! Makes you feel not quite as alone!! Message me anytime!!

[Thoughtfully]

Welcome, welcome! Reaching out is sometimes the hardest part of getting help. I am so glad you posted. Illness and medication can really dampen our purposes can't they? How long have you been in Florida? I've heard the weather is beautiful there. My friend had a guinea pig and she trained it to do all kinds of fun things! Pets can be a real encouragement when we don't feel like doing much for ourselves!

[Gidget1 in reply to Thoughtfully]

Hi!

Thank you so much for writing!

You sound so nice!

I've only been using this site for a couple of days and it has already helped me tremendously. Just writing down my feelings here helps but the responses are a huge bonus.

I've been in Florida for 15 years, and yes, the weather is great. I lived in Connecticut for over 40 years and never wanted to leave New England, but due to divorce, I left and I moved in with my mom (my dad had passed away) in her gorgeous home on the water in a Tennis & Yacht Club. Well....

Deal sealed! My son followed me down and we lived with and took care of my mom until she died at 93. She played golf the week before she died, she had beautiful blond, corn-silk-like hair that had never been colored. Not once. Ever. And, she had all her own teeth! Wow!

Along with several other big life issues, her death pulled the rug out from underneath me and I believe I had a pseudo break down. I don't even really remember the first 8 months after she died. I know it was 8 months because that was the first time I laughed since she had died. It was something silly Detective Munch on "Law & Order" said that I'm not sure I would have heard on a normal day, but it was absolutely hysterical to me at the time. I still laugh when I think of it. That was the beginning of the deep fog lifting.

Anyway, my son and I and our dog and guinea pig are a little happy family

in our quiet corner of the world. We keep it simple and, yes, the animals help greatly. They give us a schedule, a sense of responsibility, laughter, and, of course, unconditional love. They truly are family members. And, yes, the little guinea pig is very smart. She comes when she's called (I let her out on the terrace for several hours a day so she gets exercise, although she prefers to sit on my lap while I read or type, like right now.

Wow...that was a long ramble! Thanks for "listening" you've helped me today and for that I am grateful.

Take care....

[kamanda]

Reading this post from Sydney Australia and it has made me smile how nice it is when people respond and support one another ❤️💕 just throwing my two cents worth:

- excercise does wonders

- download the “calm” app for relaxing meditation

- find a hobby (like volunteering at the local rescue shelter)

Xxx