I'm lonely

[jev1964]

I spent too long in the wrong relationship with a controlling alcoholic, after years of mental and sometimes physical abuse he's now out of the picture. After years of being prevented from seeing my relatives and making friends, I am now alone. I dim so afraid to make friends or see my relatives. I spend my evenings crying because I don't have anyone to talk to or to do things with, I'm embarrassed and ashamed of how my life is

[Fatima_sh]

You deserve so much more than that, you have earned my respect it takes a strong woman to finally stand up for herself and leave an abusive relationship like that.

Family will always be there for you and they will understand, because blood is thicker than water.

Sure you might feel awkward going back to them, but don’t forget that’s because of the tight reign that he had on you, but now you’re free to do whatever you desire with your life !

It might be a bit scary to experience this sudden change, but you’ll learn to get used to it and love it, because there’s NO ONE that’s going to hold you down now.

Don’t miss out on the fun times and go rekindle your relationship with your family and make some friends !

And if you feel like there are things that you need to get out of your chest, then go see a therapist and let everything out and remember it’s nothing to be ashamed of !

You’re amazing Jev, so love yourself ♥️

[jev1964 in reply to Fatima_sh]

Thank you for you kind words and thoughts

[Strongest123]

I know it’s not easy. I’ve been their. Sometimes it’s hard to take the initial step but you have to reach out to relatives and old friends and take it from their. I did. I reached out to an old friend and I’m glad I did. I just wished I would’ve done it sooner. Blessings Samson

[jev1964 in reply to Strongest123]

I'll try, thank you for being understanding

[HearYou]

Please check out Alanon........no one is ever treated like a stranger there......after years of isolation due to his use of alcohol and his abusive behavior of an alcoholic, you may not be able to stretch your muscles to reach out to others who don't really know what those years were like for you. It is amazing to share experiences as you had; when other members share and talk about how alcohol affects or affected them and their families, you will swear they had been hiding in your home watching. If one group doesn't feel right for you, try some others. The loss of your respect for yourself was a gradual process; it may be a slow process to learn to believe in yourself again......but you do not need to do it alone. There's help and support. My best wishes to you as you begin your walk forward.......xoxo

[jev1964 in reply to HearYou]

I'll contact them, I hope it will help

[HearYou in reply to jev1964]

Just go. Just walk in.

[jev1964 in reply to HearYou]

When I find a group near where I live I will

[HearYou]

Look Alonon up on your internet. The meetings are everywhere. Call the main phone number and tell them you need a ride...you'll get one....just go, ok?

[jev1964 in reply to HearYou]

There's a group very near to where I live, im going to give it a try

[HearYou]

Well, did you go to Alonon? There's a sayng that half the battle is just showing up. People have let me know they are following your participation in this matter. They are rooting for you. So tell us you went, please?

[jev1964 in reply to HearYou]

I'm really sorry, I haven't summoned up the courage to go yet, I'm trying

[HearYou]

Ok, jev1964. I am lonely too. For 2 weeks you have posted and we have supported you. I understand.

Showing up IS half the battle....but you need to step out the door to show up.

10 days ago you told us you found an Alanon group near you. Now less than a day ago, you haven't gone to a meeting.

No need to be sorry, and you don't NEED courage, just SHOES. It's fine to be nervous.

Put on casual clothes and your best walking SHOES and DON'T THINK.....Just use the walking SHOES to get to the meeting......by auto, by walking, by horse, by wagon train, by helicopter, by boat, by kangaroo, by having someone take you and stay with you during the meeting.

Now I don't imagine a kangaroo lives around your neighborhood, so that way is out, as is the wagon train, horse, helicopter or boat.

But that leaves walking, driving, going with someone else......three great choices! Just choose, put on those SHOES and don't over think this. Sometimes you JUST WALK OUT the door. xoxo

I can't do that for you; some time ago I couldn't do it for myself. Once I did, I was a bit confused by the order of the meeting but before I even arrived near the door, a woman greeted me and asked if I needed someone to sit near me.

You don't have to have a drug or alcohol user currently in your life Everyone there has had one or has one. You will be pleasantly surprised how unlonely you will feel at that meeting. If you don't drink coffee bring some iced tea or a soft drink. An hour can fly by. Ask for phone numbers from people sitting near you to call when you are lonely.

And while we always encourage people to write, the next time you feel the need to write to us, how about trying to call one of the people you met at that Alanon meeting first. Then tell us all how that went.

You have a cheerleading squad here and we are just waiting for you to put on your shoes. xoxoxo

[jev1964]

Hi hear you, you answer cheered me up so much, I still haven't been to a meeting but I opened up to a work colleague and we are now becoming good friends, I will go to a meeting because I need to get rid of my past and the only way yo do that is to talk to people who know where I'm coming from. Hear from you soon hear you!

[art62grammie]

I have been lonely and depressed for years with my Anorexia. I was in prison within myself. I was never physically abused by either of my ex-husbands. I was sexual, mental, and financially abused with two husbands. Eighteen years first marriage. Seventeen the next marriage. I believe your loneliness for a short time is far better than abuse of any kind. You may be shy and not outgoing. You can overcome that. My mother now 82 was abused by my father for forty years. She was physical, sexual, financial etc. Forty years of hell. She was lonely married to him. She is alive and divorced dad at age 60. Long time needed. You do not need a man in your life that is abusive. I applaud you for leaving that relationship. You go out find friends. Met new people and live for YOU. THAT IS WHAT MY MENTAL DOCTORS TAUGHT ME. LIVE FOR YOU. BE STRONG AND ENJOY EVERYTHING YOU LIKE. DO NOT REGRET YOUR LOSE OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. I KNOW. I HAVE BEEN THERE. I LIVED IT. MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT. MY FATHER EVIL. NO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS. MEAN. I WATCHED MY MOTHER 40 YEARS SUFFER BY HIS HANDS. HOLDING A LOADED PISTOL TO HER HEAD EVERY DAY FORTY YEARS. BUTCHER KNIVES TO HER THROAT. YOU GO GIRL. DON'T LOOK BACK. LIVE AND BE THANKFUL YOU ARE FREE FROM THAT ABUSE. I was sexually and physically abused by that evil man too. Yes, my own father. That my friend is why I became ill with Anorexia at 14 years old. I will not tolerate any kind of abuse by anyone. A lifetime of that is hell. I am done with it. Love you. BE HAPPY MY FRIEND.

[jev1964 in reply to art62grammie]

So so profound, you sound like you have really triumphed over many adversities. You're an inspiration x