Not having a good day 😓

[JoMarie5]

I'm not having a good day and I'm dwelling over being sick in June . I think it really traumatized me to the point where I became so sensitize . And sure I had a fever loss of appetite went to the doctor had a CT scan done there were swollen lymph nodes in my mesentery . That could've been caused by some virus or bacteria but for me it has to be something worse .It was a very long recovery for me I was sick for months unable to eat. For me as though I felt like there had to be an underlining reason why . I've been to my G.I. doctor plenty of times . She says that I'm fine . they've done blood test and stool samples . however she thinks that colonoscopy and further investigation is not needed . So I don't have a fever anymore and I haven't for quite some time until I got sick on Monday which I think was a bug I had a mild fever and cramping of the tummy and I threw up now I'm sitting here connecting all of those symptoms to what happened in June like what if something is progressing inside of my body and their misdiagnosing me . I guess I've had horrible heartburn for a few days . I actually feel like I can breathe fire and there's a lump in my throat when I swallow so now I think I have some sort of illness that is now going to cause me to throw up if I eat I've got to get over this because I can't go on like this anymore . I find myself going back into this dark place again that I didn't think I was going to visit again . Why can I just trust my doctor I just don't understand why I can't trust my doctor . I guess I just feel like my stomach never went totally back to normal and I feel like they're not listening to me because they know I have anxiety . Wake up every morning thinking about it I go to sleep every night thinking about it . Anytime I get any feeling remotely like I had in June I feel like oh boy here comes coming back again ! But it's probably not it's just me mindfucking myself 😒

[Jeff1943]

JoMarie5, your problem is clear to see to an outsider and you've even answered all your questions yourself in your posting. As you say, that illness in June took a lot out of you and jangled your nerves, it left you obsessing over your health and getting more and more anxious all the time. The lump in your throat is called Globus Hystericus and, yep, it's a symptom of anxiety, I had it once about 20 years ago, had a barium meal examination, nothing showed up, relief, then 3 months later I thought 'What happened with that lump in the throat?' I'd forgotten about it after getting the o.k., so as I stopped keeping on testing myself for it, it died of neglect, no more Globus Hystericus.

You really must start accepting what the doctors have told you. Very, very occasionally they get it wrong but not in your case, I can tell from reading your post you know in your heart it's all anxiety, nothing is "progressing in your body" as you put it and all your tummy symptoms are classic anxiety, most people on this forum have had them too, the stomach is a popular place for causing upset where anxiety is concerned.

Your illness last year left your body depleted and as you say your nerves became sensitised so you start to worry about a number of symptoms that are all caused by too much introspection.

What I would suggest is that you start to 'neglect' all your symptoms, they only exist because you give them permission to exist by constantly obsessing about them, it's time you withdrew that permission for them to exist. Do that by Accepting them, after all they're all fake symptoms, they may feel real but they're not because they're caused by blips in your nervous system and are not caused by normal organic illness.

If you can Accept those fake symptoms without fear for a while your nervous system will recover and allvthe symptoms will fade away because you're not feeding them with fear any more. (Get some Gaviscon for that heart burn by the way, that's all it needs, not an mri scan☺).

There's only one way I know of to escape from constant introspection and the fake symptoms of sensitised nerves and that's to Accept them for the time being, but it must be true Acceptance: when you sense a bad feeling don't tense up and fight it, just let yourself go limp, feel every muscle in your body relaxing, feel you brain relaxing. Remember, you've withdrawn permission for the fake feelings to frighten you 'cause that brings more fear. It takes time to make acceptance work so start now and don't give up if you're not cured in 5 minutes, Practice, Practice and keep Practicing.

You are going to recover, joMarie5, and only you can do it, I can already feel your excitement at the thought of practicing Acceptance, so come and join the rest of us on the Yellow Brick Road to Recovery!

[JoMarie5 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you so much Jeff1943 ! You have made me feel so much better about this . My doctors didn't want to repeat the CT even though it said to reasses in 6-8 weeks . Both of them didn't think it was necessary. Still worried and my GI doesn't think I need a colonoscopy or any further investigation, however I did google and webmd almost killed me 😨 But the Mayo Clinic seems to say other wise. I realize now I shouldn't have googled anything! You are right I did answer all my question in the rant above 🙄 My digestive symptom doesn't feel the same anymore. I cry a lot and hate myself for feeling sorry 😐I hadn't had a appetite all day , but now I'm treating myself to a Oreo Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory here in Kansas City! Did I mention my GI doctor says I have ibs? I might have to deal with the repercussions of the cake later 😫Definitely going to try the tips you have suggested! Thanks again!

[Jeff1943 in reply to JoMarie5]

JoMarie5, accepting what all those doctors and specialists told you is the first step. I presume you want to be cured, not just compare symptoms on this forum and leave it at that. If so you may want to take the second step. The Acceptance method for recovery that I briefly mentioned is the method devised many years ago by a doctor called Claire Weekes, she had experienced anxiety disorder herself when young ans worked out the Acceptance method to bring about her recovery. Claire Weekes' first book that explains everything you need to know is called 'Self help with your nerves' in the UK and 'Hope and help with your nerves' in the US. It's available from Amazon in hardcopy form and as a Kindle download. Used copies are also sold on Amazon for one penny/cent plus a couple of pounds/few dollars for postage. If you haven't read it before now's a good time. That book is all about you - and it has brought an end to bewilderment and eventual recovery to quite literally hundreds of thousands of people with sensitised nervous systems. Might be worth a read.

[JoMarie5 in reply to Jeff1943]

I have heard of Claire Weekes before! All good things . I'll give the book a try ! Thanks so much Jeff I really appreciate it .

[Jeff1943 in reply to JoMarie5]

Enjoy the cheesecake!

[marsbarr]

JoMarie. I am so sorry you are going through this and sorry I cannot offer much help but will suggest yoga If you have not tried it. It may help.

[JoMarie5]

So I'm just sitting her relaxing watching tv and I start to feel nauseous. Why ? I'm scared something is wrong inside. What do I do ? I'm afraid everything is coming back ! I'm trying so hard not to google anything or run to the er .